


How it Really Happened:The True Story of the Inquisition

by SilentSlayer



Series: How It Really Happened [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anger, Dark, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Humor, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Insanity, Intense, M/M, NSFW, POV Multiple, Plot Twists, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, Silly, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, post-haven
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 10:54:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 63,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5087917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentSlayer/pseuds/SilentSlayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lena Trevelyan is not your typical Inquisitor and this is not your typical story.<br/>She is secretly in love with a surly blonde haired Commander but he seems oblivious to her except when they fight.<br/>Cullen is crazy about Lena but how could she possibly love a washed up Templar?<br/>Varric is chasing after a certain Seeker and is determined to win his prize.<br/>Madness, fighting, friendship, and love ensue in the true retelling of the Inquisition.</p><p>Inside is fluff, smut, intense fighting, multi POVs, and lots of silliness. I intend to take this story to the End and I hope you hold on tight and enjoy the ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Return of the Inquisitor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coffee_maker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_maker/gifts).



> My Inquisitor is much different from most of the ones you read about on the web. She is not an elf and she is not a mage. She is a warrior with a few rogue skills in her pocket. She is bold and brave and strong while being flirty and funny and has no crazy back story at least not at this moment *MUHAUHAUHAU*  
> She is mostly happy to serve in her role as Inquisitor though she still trying to figure it all out. Of course there's one sexy blonde commander who is frustrating her as much as she frustrates him and some awesome friends to help her along the way.  
> So yeah warning will loosely follow the DA:I canon but may diverge a bit because frankly it's my story. Starts shortly after Haven and will continue until the end  
> Reviews and constructive criticism are very much appreciated.

It never ceased to amaze him how she could be everything for everyone. For Josephine she was a careful listener always lending an ear for the latest ridiculous gossip from Orlais. For Cassandra she was a sparring partner who would gossip about the latest chapters of Swords and Shields (he still never understood how she had time to read with all her Inquisitor duties). He often found the Spymaster perusing over the latest reports with her and even occasionally saw the inquisitor provoke a laugh from Leliana that was so rarely heard it almost scared him.  


Of course then there was her Inner Circle. Most nights she could be found with Sera, Iron Bull, Blackwall, and Varric in the tavern drinking, singing, and telling outlandish stories. He knew she spent time at study with Solas and Dorian and even though she was no mage she seemed to enjoy their drabbles about magic and the Fade. He even suspected she was one of the few who spoke to Cole. He could not remember ever seeing them together but she reassured her advisors that Cole was safe and kept himself well under control. Even Vivienne she seemed to get along with, though their talks were often more mutual disagreements regarding the Circle. Still they held respect for each other and choose to agree to disagree. That was of course except when it came to ending Corypheus for good. Everyone could agree on that.  


The soldiers seemed to enjoy her company as much as any of her friends and she never seemed too busy to stop and speak to one of them (and to quickly correct them when they called her ‘Your Worship’ a title that she vehemently hated). She spent time forging armor, assisting in healing the sick, and could always spare a kind word without seeming to tire. She even spent time beside him training the troops, showing them how to use sword and shield and bow. No task was too trivial and she always had time to spare. He wonder how and when she managed to sleep with so much going on around her.  


Things were happier when she was in Skyhold. Everyone seemed to light up with her presence near them. When she was away out fighting demons and dragons and Maker knows what else the people appeared tense, like an impending storm was on the horizon. Yet every time the trumpets blared and her black steed could be seen on the horizon, the relief was palpable in the air. He watched for her on the ramparts whenever he could spare a moment but when the trumpets sounded he would dismiss training with that one thought in mind. It was selfish of him to need to climb those stairs and watch for her outside his office, yet he found himself doing it time and time again. He most of all missed her presence in Skyhold.  


Cullen was no fool. He knew that Lena Trevelyan did not have eyes for him. However that did not stop his heart from pounding as that black steed came across the bridge of Skyhold. From his vantage point he could see her long dark hair was braided down her back as she usually kept it when out in the wilds. He relished the few moments he had seen her with her hair down, blowing around her like some ancient goddess stepping straight out of lore. He knew her cheeks would be red from the wind chaffing them and her pink lips would hold a small smile though a tired one. Her tanned skin was barely visible under her armor and she carried her helm in her right hand while her left hand held the reins of her steed.  


His body physically ached for him to go down and greet her. He found himself heading for the steps more than once but he always retreated at the top step back to the safety of his hidden lookout. Lena had a way of making the commander tongue tied and frustrated him beyond belief. She had such an easy way with people and it was entirely too easy for her to make him come undone. He had seen her being flirtatious with many of the men and even some of the ladies around her. It was never ill intentioned or vulgar and never seemed ill met either. He knew he had a lot of competition within Skyhold for the affections of its beloved Inquisitor and he was probably the most ill-suited to pursue her.  


He smiled to himself as he thought of their last conversation before she left for the Western Approach. It was fresh in his mind and if only a moment had passed instead of the five long lonely weeks without her:

_“Commander.” She called his title softly as she followed after him. He was returning from his late night prayers in the Chantry. Her braid was half undone and her cheeks were flushed from trying to catch up with his long strides. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.  
_

_“Inquisitor.” He nodded to her yet almost winced at his words so formal so harsh. He dared not allow himself anything else though. If he did not present a strong front she would be able to see just how deeply she affected him.  
_

_She did not seem phased by his short reply as she stopped in front of him. Torchlight glowed across her tanned skin and he could smell the scent of lavender and midnight woods that always seemed to linger around her. He stopped himself from looking away as her magnetic green eyes met his and she gave him one of her slight half smiles.  
_

_“Tomorrow I leave for the Western Approach. I noticed you were not among those who came to wish me farewell.” She crossed her arms over her chest and looked slightly impatient with him. Her bottom lip stuck out in a semi pout and he found himself wanting to capture that lip between his teeth. Luckily he was able to ground himself before he did something foolish.  
_

_There had been a reason he had not been present at the riotous party in the tavern that night. He could not trust himself to drink around her. Ever since he had seen her at Haven her outline against the mountains as she faced Corypheus and his red lyrium dragon, he could not bear the thought of telling her goodbye again. He had thought she would never make it, that she would be a martyr for her cause and he had lost the one happiness he had found in his life of darkness. He feared if he was forced to say goodbye all his thoughts and feelings would spill out in long moment. Then she would laugh it off walk away neither offended nor interested. She could recover from any situation with the greatest social grace a talent he had never possessed. Cullen would rather stay as he was then let the rejection hit him.  
_

_He heard Lena give a heavy sigh. He had been lost in his thoughts and had tried her patience greatly. Her green eyes had flared to life and he rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably as he often did in the situations.  
_

_“Well Cullen I just wanted to tell you goodbye. It could be the last time you see me and I wanted to wish you well. Take care of my home while I am away.” With those words she gave him a full genuine smile and patted his arm before turning to leave. He watched her go and yet still his mouth could not be made to form words. She had voiced his fear out loud and he did not know if that was what struck him dumb, or if it was her ability to put into words what he so clearly could not.  
_

_*I am not a boy anymore. Why can’t I talk to her as I do any other? And why does she have to be so hard to read when she seems to read me so well?* Cullen let these thoughts run through his head as he walked away quietly to his lonely tower._

Cullen pulled himself from his memories just as he saw Lena dismount and hand her horse over to the stable master. He gripped the wall as he watch the people already massing around her. Everyone wanted her attention at once and she was smiling and nodding politely though he was sure all she wanted was to get away. The Iron Bull, Dorian, and Sera were already trying to make a wall between the Inquisitor and her people. Of course they were as tired as she was after their long journey but they were as loyal to her as she was to them. He turned and walked into his office to grab his reports. He was sure she would want to call a council as soon as she could and he would be prepared.  


_'And this time I will make sure not to make a blubbering idiot of myself while she is here.'_  


****************************************************  


She had seen him. He was the first thing she looked for as her horse made it through the gates of Skyhold. He was always in his same place by his office. He never joined the others in the courtyard to greet her and Maker knew that only served to frustrate her more. He was always so distant so brooding and rarely could she get him to even speak to her. She had seen him speak so easily with Leliana, Cassandra, and even Josephine. Yet when Lena came near him he shut down and seemed more offended by her presence than anything.  


She dismounted her horse and was prepared for the throng of people. It only got worse each time she returned. She had resigned herself to this life. She was the Inquisitor and she would be what the people needed. When she was exhausted and thought she could not go on she would think of the others. Leliana who spent countless hours checking reports from her contacts, Josephine playing the political game as if it were a grand game she intended to win, and Cullen never tiring always training troops and receiving reports from the front lines. She would not let anyone down, especially not him. She would be the Inquisitor she was meant to be and in the end maybe, just maybe, she could make the blond haired commander smile.  


She looked up to see that Bull had successfully cleared a path. Usually the sight of a massive Quanari was enough to send people running but the people here knew that Bull would never hurt them. Sera on the other hand was another story. She was currently yelling and the only word Lena could discern was the occasional ‘Shite’ being yelled over the masses. Dorian grabbed her hand and drug her along behind the path that Bull was making as he waded through the crowd and all she could do was follow and pray Sera kept her bow to herself.  


_'I seriously have to thank them later.'_ Lena always tried to express to her friends how eternally grateful she was for them. Without her Inner Circle she would have been lost long ago and it would not have been physical demons that took her. Her friends were the only ones who treated her like she was a regular human and not some saint sent from Andraste or a tool to be used for The Inquisition. They were the only ones she could be her true self around without fear of rejection or disapproval.  


When she finally made it to the great hall she knew she was safe. Dorian gave her a squeeze of the hand and Bull nodded before they both took off. She had been noticing they were often disappearing at the same time lately but she just smiled to herself as a slight blush crept up her neck and into her cheeks. She would keep that tidbit to herself and just be happy for the two of them.  


All Lena wanted was to head up to her room and curl under her sheets for a few days. However things did not wait in Skyhold and she knew there were many duties to be performed before she could think of rest. She headed through the door on the left and straight for the war room. She was surprised and yet not to see everyone waiting on her as she pushed open the doors. She took her usual position across from her three advisors and looked out over the map of Thedas.  


“Well if everyone is ready then let’s begin, and please try to take turns this time. It’s hard to focus on everyone at once.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'seems always amazing to me how we can see others in such positive light that they themselves cannot see. Also how we automatically think rejection when in reality it's usually the opposite.


	2. A Moment Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War Council and a private meeting with our favorite Commander after. Chapter title idea stolen from a work of Kayla_James. If you have not read her The Moments Between story you seriously need to check it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awesome first chapter is out of the way. Always hate beginnings but hopefully now we can move on.

Lena listen as reports were explained and messages given. Luckily little of major importance had happened in Skyhold since her departure for the Western Approach. She stood stoically still as Josephine talked of a few proposed offers of aid to the Inquisition in exchange for favors. Her face was bright and animated as she spoke of Orlesian noble who offered aid in exchange for a troll on his land being slain. Lena could not help but smile at the contrast of the faces of her advisors. Josephine acted as if troll slaying was a minute task and dismissed the subject with a wave like it was already set in place. Thinking about it Lena imagined it probably was. Cullen seemed less than enthused at his men being sent to face such a dangerous creature. Lena hoped she could swing by the noble’s land on her next excursion out. 

Then came Leliana with multiple reports of Venatori and Grey Warden activity. These reports alarmed Lena slightly and she filed the away in her brain in the ‘need to address sooner rather than later’ box. Lena filled Leliana and the others in on her time in The Still Ruins and the Tempest staff that she had given Dorian after its recovery. She also reported on Venatori and Grey Warden activity she had seen there which had been quickly dispatched. Josephine seemed alarmed at this news and Lena knew fighting and killing was not within the ambassador’s realm. Cullen appeared slightly angry at the thought of the Wardens and Venatori working for Corypheus. It was just another problem on the commander’s long list of issues to address and train his troops for. Leliana’s face was blank betraying no surprise or show of emotion. Lena was sure the Spymaster already knew of her travels while she was away. The ravens passing overhead were hard to miss at times. 

Cullen was last. He reported on Skyhold’s safety and the progress of the troops. They seemed to be coming along quite well and Lena gave a half smile as she thought of Cullen yelling at the troops to repeat their exercises until they were executed perfectly. She had complete faith in Cullen to have the Inquisition’s troops ready to face any threat. No one wanted a repeat of Haven. 

As her advisor’s dismissed themselves for the evening Lena saw her chance. She was not going to let the commander get away from her so easily. This time while she was in Skyhold she would discover for sure where the stoic commander returned her affections. She had to know now. She could not continue playing this game with him longer for fear that she would be eternally lost in feelings not returned. She would have him or bury her broken feelings under the sting of his rejection. 

“Commander a word before you leave.” Her voice was calm and even not betraying the torrent of emotions she felt below. She had even succeeded from keeping the words from rushing out in desperation. Leliana and Josephine turned briefly before deciding they were not needed and they closed the door behind them silently. Cullen froze in his tracks. Lena heard a heavy sigh as he turned around and headed back to the war table. His heavy boots echoed against the walls emphasizing how alone they now were. 

Lena remembered the last time they had spoken alone. She could not forget that moment catching him walking from the Chantry late at night. In her defense she had been slightly intoxicated. Her intentions had been to end her night in a fiery kiss upon Cullen’s lips, though at one look from his hard amber eyes and the silence that he had given her she had instead opted for the safer route. He had been without his armor that night and she couldn’t help but remember the outline of his muscles under his shirt and breeches. Thank and yet curse the Maker for his idea to forgo his armor at that time. Thoughts of that moment had plagued her the entire time she had been gone and more than once she had fantasized about that night going different. She did so want to know what it felt like to bite that scar on his upper lip. 

“Tomorrow I request that you accompany me for a ride into the mountains around Skyhold. I want to evaluate our defensive position and there is none whose opinion I trust more than yours.” She kept her tone one of business. She did not want to reveal her trap as she laid it. All she needed was some time alone with him. She was sure she could discern his feelings by the end of one day. 

Her heart thumped in her chest as she saw him rub the back of his neck. It seemed he only did that when he was especially nervous. She caught him doing it often around her and it was one of the few signs she clung to in hope that maybe he would return the feelings she harbored for him. 

“As you wish Inquisitor.” His reply was short and curt. She had half expected and wished him to argue with her. There was something about him when he was angry with her that sent shivers up her spine. She found herself intentionally angering him just so she could see him come undone. Once he had even thrown one of the pieces on the map of Thedas across the room as she spoke of her intentions to slay the dragon in the Hinterlands. She found herself taking a cold bath after that encounter that did little to ease the excitement between her legs. 

“Actually I am glad for this moment. There was something in my reports from Griffon Wing Keep that I wished to discuss with you in private.” It was Lena’s turn to be surprised. She and her companions had dispatched the Venatori easily enough from the Keep and surrounding area. Commander Rylen was now in charge and the Keep was a strong outpost for the Inquisition in the area. She had no idea what the commander could be referencing. 

“I received a report from Commander Rylen. I’m not sure what you did to the poor sod but I would ask that in the future you not turn our officers into love sick Mabari’s.” His face was dead serious and his eyes flashed gold as his hand rested on the pommel of his sword. He meant to look imposing as if she was one of his recruits. Despite of all this Lena still found herself clutching her sides her laughter reverberating off the walls of the war room. Perhaps she had laid the flirtations on a bit too thick with Rylen. She had actually been trying to get information out of him about Cullen but it seemed her reference to Rylen ‘looking dashing in his armor against the back drop of the sands’ had been a bit too much. 

“I am sorry commander.” She let out one last giggle as she finally got herself under control. Cullen looked less than pleased and she tried to wipe the wide smile off of her face with little success. 

“I just thought Commander Rylen could use some entertainment. There’s nothing out there except sand and more sand and beasts. I will try not to bat my eyelashes too much from now on.” Her promise was empty and he knew that. She was sure she should be slightly put off by Cullen trying to dictate how she handled her personal affairs. Yet the thought though that this might stem from jealousy had her wanting to giggle all over again. She saw a red blush light his cheeks faintly as he looked away from her and she tried no to image that blush extending below his armor. Maker have mercy she needed to keep her mind from wondering under that man’s clothes. 

“If that is all I have troops to attend to.” He turned on his heel quickly not seeming to like where the conversation was heading. She noticed how quick his steps were and she could not help but throw one final jab at him. 

“You know Cullen perhaps you could learn a few things from me. It always easier to run someone through with a sword when they are distracted by wondering what color smalls you are wearing.” He had stopped at the door to hear her speak. Even across the room she could see his eyes get wide before he promptly slammed the door behind him. A burst of laughter fell from her lips once before she had to grip the war table to keep from toppling over. Maker’s balls he was a hard man to read but he was so cute when she infuriated him. 

“Tomorrow will be fun.” She spoke her thoughts out loud to herself as she collected the reports left for her and prepared to leave.

***************************

Cullen was doomed. He knew it from the moment she had stated she wanted him to accompany her on a private ride. What had he been thinking agreeing to such a thing? He knew what had flashed through his mind though. This was his chance, his moment to speak with her alone without the weight of the Inquisition pushing upon them both. He had not intended on mentioning the report from Rylen but in the last moment he had felt his jealousy hit and his words found a voice. After reading the report he had swiftly crumpled it between his hands as he threw it against the wall in his office. He wasn’t sure who he was angrier at, Lena for being so flirtatious, or Rylen a seasoned warrior who had no business falling for a few words from a beautiful woman. 

_'My woman,'_ he thought as he hit the straw dummy in front of him with a practice sword. The thought came unbidden but Cullen could not deny the thought. She was his, or would be his if only he could stop stammering like a boy whenever he spoke to her. He was able to keep himself even when speaking to her on Inquisition matters, but the moment she tried to turn the conversation personal he always found himself stammering like a fool. 

He hit the dummy again and again working out his frustration at the thought of her and Rylen together. Had she touched him? The report had been vague but Cullen had known Rylen long enough to know that the man was smitten. He also knew Lena well enough to know that she was a woman who would use any means necessary to make an impression and keep loyalty to herself and the Inquisition. He saw how easily she charmed others and he had no doubt that Rylen was no match for her. He had no doubt she could steal a dragon’s scale with just a look if she wanted. Rylen had wrote of ‘The beautiful and kind Inquisitor who had helped them set up operations in the area.’ He had liberally described how she had solved all the problems in the area from dealing with vicious beast to secure the regions water supply and even assisting the shop owners to set up their wares. Rylen really could have left out the part of how Lena’s electric eyes always sparkled when she laughed. It was a point Cullen could agree on but one he was jealous to know others had noticed. 

“I bet he made her laugh and he didn’t stutter like an idiot.” The thought spoken allowed sent his rage over the edge and he hit the dummy so hard it swayed before falling to the ground. A sheen of sweat coated his skin and his muscles bulged from the exercise. His was panting hard and he threw the sword down before retreating to a nearby bench for a drink. The sun was low and he had long ago dismissed his men from training for dinner. He however had not felt the least bit hungry after his encounter with the Inquisitor. 

He laid his head back against the cold stone as he thought of her laughter earlier. A part of him was indignant at her for laughing at him, but that part quickly lost out when he thought of how the stray hairs from her braid had fallen against her face as her head tilted forward while laughing. She had clutched her side and those soft cheeks had flushed the most glorious shade of red. He wanted to know if that red extended lower but tried to push such thoughts away. He would not think such things here in the open though no promises could be made for later in the privacy of his room. 

Her eyes had been bright and vibrant when she looked at him and he found himself both embarrassed and angry with her. She seemed to enjoy his anger too much and he had left promptly before giving her the satisfaction. He thought of her last words to him and the double edged meaning he took from them. 

_“You know Cullen perhaps you could learn a few things from me. It always easier to run someone through with a sword when they are distracted by wondering what color smalls you are wearing.”_

Had that in some way been meant for him? He had always been terrible at reading the intentions of others and he was even more lost when it came to Lena. She had used his name an informality she usually avoided except at the most intimate and private times between them. The sound of his name on her lips always brought his blood raging and sent his thoughts to places they should not venture. 

“Well at least tomorrow will be an interesting day.” He half smirked to himself as he took a long drink of water from his skin. He could not help but feel a burning in his chest at the promises tomorrow brought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos. Comments are always welcome. Makes me happy to know that my writing makes others happy as well as myself. Hand onto your hats boys and girls things are about to get wild


	3. All's Fair in Love and Daggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are revealed but it's never a dull moment when you are the Inquisitor and the Commander. Probably should have taken those guards along for the ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Fans self*  
> I have been waiting forever to write this chapter and the next. I laughed I cried and now this one is done. Again thank you to everyone for the Kudos and comments welcome

Cullen walked down the stairs from the ramparts his hand resting on the cold stone as he descended. The rising sun warmed his skin and a light wind ruffled the fur of his mantle and his blonde hair. It was still early enough that most of Skyhold slept and only two lone figures stood in the courtyard. He could smell bread baking and his mouth watered at the thought of breakfast. Maybe he would have a moment to sneak a morning meal away before the cook caught him. It was probably improper for the commander to be caught stealing but he knew he would need something in his stomach to face the day ahead of him. 

As Cullen reached the last step he felt his temper flare and his teeth ground together. He knew if anyone saw him now they would fear the snarl that was on his face. Lena’s profile was easy enough to discern. She was fully armored except for her head though he could still make out the curve of her body from her well fitted mail. Her long braid reached between her shoulders and the wind teased it lightly. He had only been able to see her back until now and her companion had been hidden from him. Few people were up at this hour but the man speaking to the Inquisitor now seemed to be as allergic to sleep as Cullen was. 

“Blackwall.” The hiss was barely audible and Cullen felt like cursing the Maker and the holy Andraste as well. He had seen the way Blackwall looked at her. He knew that hunger in the Warden’s eyes. It was the same hunger Cullen carried and though he respected the man, he would not allow anyone to get in the way between him and the woman he desired. 

He heard them talking but was unable to make out their words as he strode across the courtyard. Blackwall was frequently a companion of hers out in the wilds. She seemed to favor him and many times Cullen had seen the two of them together talking over a pint or sparring in the training yard. Maker’s breath did she have to be so irresistible? Did he have to pick the one woman who all the world wanted? She was a woman bent on driving him mad as she flirted with everyone in sight. Cullen hoped that her flirtations and kindness were all in service of the Inquisition. He knew that Lena was the one who bound the Inquisition together and she strived harder than anyone to keep the peace and ensure everyone’s happiness. Yet did she have to ensnare the hearts of all while doing her duty? 

He was almost to them when he heard her laugh. Maker did he love that laugh. It came frequently to her a sweet ringing that lit her whole face in joy and made her green eyes dance. He had never been able to intentionally make her laugh a fact that always set him on edge. A flutter of jealousy hit him then at knowing the Blackwall had been the source of her happiness. Cullen had never know jealousy before Lena. His previous romances had been brief at best and none inspired the kind of possession he felt for the bold woman before him. 

He stopped and stood by her shifting uncomfortably and not knowing what to say. The last of her laughter was dying off and he noticed Blackwall had a wide smile on his face from their private discussion. Cullen was torn between storming off and throttling the man in front of him. 

“Commander so kind of you to join us. If you will excuse me a moment I will say goodbye to my dear friend and we can be off. I do not want to waste too much of your time.” She had turned to Cullen while she spoke and he did his best to keep his face expressionless. Her eyes were soft and her tone was one of sweetness, almost too sweet as if she was trying to bait him into something. Andraste have mercy she could play the game with him so well. He only nodded slowly before turning towards the stables. 

“My lady.” He heard Blackwall address her and there was a softness in his voice that set Cullen on edge. He looked over his shoulder to see the Warden kissing her hand as he kneeled before her. He saw Lena blush deeply and look away from the man before her. Suddenly she caught him staring at the pair and she winked at Cullen before turning back as Blackwall rose. The Warden seemed oblivious to the exchange between Commander and Inquisitor. He hadn’t even noticed that he had stopped walking. He felt his feet hurrying before he knew what he was doing. It took all his strength not to run and he wished the ground would just open below him and swallow him whole. 

********************************************

They traveled down a mountain path away from Skyhold. She had claimed that she wanted to check the surrounding mountains for signs of enemy activity as well as scout possible vantage points for enemies to gain a foothold. When he had suggested taking a small contingency of guards she had laughed at him. He wanted his time alone with her but as always he worried for her safety. She said if she could kill a Ferelden Frostback then there was nothing in these mountains that she feared. 

After about an hour of hard riding she stopped at a stream not far off the road. They dismounted and allowed their horses to drinking and graze as he watched Lena sit against a tree. She produced a small bag and waved him over to join her. He sat down a few feet from her knowing he needed some distance between them. Was this the right moment? Was this where he should tell her exactly how he felt? He was lost in his thoughts when something hit him in the breastplate of his armor. An apple fell into his lap and he looked up to see the Inquisitor smiling at him. 

“I thought you might be hungry. I have bread and a few other things if you want them.” She was currently holding a half-eaten apple and he was grateful for the food. She seemed slightly amused by his lack of attention and he knew she considered hitting him with an apple unnoticed the same as if she had scored a hit in the training ring. Maybe he could plan out what he wanted to say to her while he ate and then food may give him the courage it was going to take. 

“So commander I realize we have rarely had the chance to talk at length outside of the Inquisition.” It appeared that maybe Lena was not going to give him any time to be alone with his thoughts. She had her head slightly tilted to the side and was regarding him as if he were a stranger rather than someone she had spent months in the war room speaking to. 

“We have not. Was there something particular you were wanting to ask Inquisitor?” It seemed appropriate to use her title just as she had used his. He had been hoping to be less informal out here alone but he would follow her lead. 

“What’s your favorite color?” He almost choked on his apple and had to cough several times before he found he could breathe again. She had been spending too much time with Sera and the elf’s madness seemed to be wearing off on the Inquisitor. Of all the questions he had expected this was certainly not it. She threw him a water skin and he took several drinks. When he finally recovered he saw concern in her face but the question seemed dead serious. 

“Green.” He answered quickly noting secretly that it was the green of her eyes that was his favorite color. She seemed satisfied with his answer and he noticed she was running her fingers through the grass beside her leg. She appeared slightly nervous and unsettled. Cullen was surprised. He had never seen Lena unnerved even when faced with the most difficult of times. She had stared down an arch demon but at this moment she looked alone and so young. Maker’s breath he did not know how young she even was. 

“How old are you?” It seemed his turn to ask a question and it rushed from his mouth before he could think. At least he did not stutter this time. She looked into his eyes before her gaze seemed to roam over his face. She hesitated for a few moments and he waited patiently. He knew it wasn’t the most polite question to ask a lady but he had spoken before he had thought. This was why he avoided casual conversation with her. 

“I think I am 23. I am really not sure and there is no way of knowing now.” There was hurt there. He could hear it and could feel it. It was raw in her and she looked beyond him as if lost in her own world. He knew so little of her past and even Leliana had been unable to come up with much. He cursed himself for causing her pain. He knew what it was like to have a past worthy of forgetting. 

As quickly as the shadow had fallen over her face it was gone. She snapped back into focus and she gave him a half grin before she started to move towards him. He froze not knowing what was about to happen. A part of him wanted to pull away but another strong part told him he would no longer be a coward. She sat close to him, close enough that her leg brushed his. She leaned back on her hands and looked up at the sky. The day was warm and she closed her eyes as the sun lighted her beautiful cheeks. 

“I grew up in a nice place you know. I may have been an orphan but I found a home and a family who loved and cared for me. I am not a Trevelyan by birth but the two I call my mother and father took me in when no one else would. My mother had always wanted a daughter. Sometimes I wonder if I disappointed her turning out as I did. She would have rather me married well with children instead of selling my sword to the highest bidder.” She was smiling. It was not her usual half smile but a full and glorious one. She was thinking of happier times and he was content to just listen and watch her in this peaceful state. 

“I only had older brothers and my father was determined that I know how to protect myself. I was a natural with a blade and I received the same hired teaching that my brothers had. Don’t tell them I said this but I was always better than them.” She giggled then. He had never heard such an adorable sound in all his life. His heart fluttered and he felt like he could die at that moment a happy man. She laid back in the soft grass one hand resting behind her head. She reached for him with her free hand. It caught his arm and she gently tugged. He felt like he was floating as he laid down beside her. He laid on his side facing her his head propped on his hand so he could see her. He hated armor at that moment. He wanted it gone from them both so skin would meet skin where metal now met metal. 

“Do you think I would have made a good wife Cullen?” She opened her eyes then the green boring into his gold. She was tense searching for something in him desperate in her need to find it. She trembled slightly and her voice was lower now somehow quieter and yet deeper. That moment, that lost look on her face as her bottom lip poked out in a pout made Cullen lose his senses and throw caution to the wind. 

He took her free hand in his the fingers intertwining as her eyes grew big. His skin burned hot as if with fever and she was the only balm to soothe him. It was his turn to laugh then a deep timbre from within his chest. He did not trust his mouth to work the words to tell her how he felt but he would show her. His eyes were hungry as they moved from her eyes to her full lips. He wanted to swallow that pout and replace it with needy cries for him. 

He was so lost in her that he never realized how still the woods around him had gotten. Everything was too quiet but they had both fallen into each other so deeply that nothing existed outside their universe. The last thing Cullen remember was a loud rushing sound follow by an explosive pain in his head and Lena screaming his name.

*******************************

There were four of them heavily armed and well armored. Lena felt the red hot anger burn inside her as she jumped to her feet. It was her fault. She had been so caught up in Cullen, so sure he was going to lean down and kiss her. The men had gotten so close to them. They had been hiding behind trees mere feet away from the pair and neither of them ever saw it coming. One of them had hit Cullen in the back of the head with a rather large club and she screamed his name. She saw her commander bleeding freely from a wound and he was no longer moving. If they thought they had taken out the threat they were wrong, oh so wrong. 

She reached deep inside herself then. She had been testing the limits of her mark with Solas. Ever since the Conclave she had been exploring her power. Many thought she commanded the mark called upon it only when needed and that it was a dormant force within her. The truth was that the mark raged inside her and she fought against it to hold back the tides from spilling over. She was learning to keep a careful lock upon her power and only unleash it when it was needed. She had never fully opened herself to that hidden well but she suddenly felt her control break free and she involuntarily shuttered as that power combined with the full force of her raw fury. 

Green lightning cracked and hissed over her skin. Her left arm had disappeared beneath the force of her mark. The men who had moments before been leering at her now shook with fear their eyes wide as they turned to run. Only one man stayed rooted in place and a dagger flew at her. She did not even dodge it as she advanced on them and the dagger stuck in her shoulder deep. He had found a hole in her armor but she neither flinched nor felt pain. Lena growled a guttural animal sound as she let herself be the vessel for where ever the power of the Fade took her. 

Suddenly a small rift appeared overhead and the men were caught by its power. They began to be sucked into the void above them and they screamed as they slowly disappeared. The last thing she noticed before they were gone was the mark of the Venatori upon one of the men’s arm. 

Lena threw all of her will power into gaining some control over her situation. She fought within herself unsure if she would be able to close the rift she created or if it would just continue to grow feeding itself from the power coming out of her left hand. She felt weak then knowing she should not have let her emotions land her into such a predicament. Suddenly a load groan came from beside her and she looked down to see Cullen stirring. The sight of him was enough to bring her back from the void she found herself in. She did not completely chain her power but she found herself able to close the rift and calm the power to a low roar over her skin. 

She knelt beside Cullen gently taking his head into her hands. Her bag was near and she grabbed it as she began to rummage for something to bind his wounds. She had to stop the bleeding. The ground was already soaked with his blood and he looked so pale. Finally she found her supplies. She would have to hug Dorian when she returned for whatever enchantment he put on the tiny bag that made it hold so much. She began to bind Cullen’s wound and put a healing potion to his lips. Her hand was shaking and she had to force herself to steady so she did not spill the potion. Cullen drank slowly though his eyes remained closed. 

“Maker please, please don’t take him from me.” She cried as she prayed the salty tears leaving streaks down her face. If he died now she would never forgive herself. She held him close to her chest for what seemed like an eternity. She buried her face into the crook of his neck and prayed constantly. 

“L...Lena.” Finally she heard her name being called and look down into those glorious golden eyes. His voice was so weak and expression confused but he was alive. She began to cry harder though a smile was on her face. She tried to speak but the words caught in her throat and instead she sobbed. 

“We have to get you back now Cullen. This is beyond my healing skills.” Lena made her voice obey her as she forced herself to stop sobbing. Luckily it only took a few long moments to call her emotions to order. She did not dare voice her relief or her fears even in her head. The fear had been so real only minutes ago and she had almost lost the one man who made her feel something more than shallow affections. She had been trying to lock her attraction up for months and in one moment seeing Cullen crumpled and broken she knew that this just wasn’t some infatuation. The full force and depth of her feelings had broken loose and now trying to lock them back up was taking tremendous effort. She would do it for Cullen though she would be strong for them both because she had to. 

She silently promised herself and the Maker that she would pray every night and she would never again mutter the curse Andraste’s tits if only he would get her through this trial. 

She laid his head gently down as she stood and whistled for her horse. The steeds had run at some point but she knew Rigel would be faithful to his mistress. She heard the horse’s hoof beats as he ran up to her. 

“Easy boy I need you now more than ever.” She spoke to him gently appreciating him now more than ever. She stroked his neck and he stood still awaiting her orders. She led Rigel as close as she could to Cullen. His eyes had drifted back closed again but she would need him to help her if she was to get him on her mount. 

“Cullen.” She called his name as she leaned down. She touched his cheek and he groaned as his eyes fluttered open. It took him a few moments to focus and she took that time to softly stroke his cheek. His jaw was so strong usually set hard whenever she angered him. His stubble was rough against her fingers and even through his pain a small smile played on his lips. 

“I have always wanted you to do that.” Her breath caught at his confession and she swore she would touch him this way every day if she could get him back to Skyhold in one piece. So far no more Venatori had come upon them but she wasn’t holding out hope that they were safe yet. 

“Cullen we have to get you on my horse.” It was an order. Orders fell easily from her lips she was used to giving them and that familiar tone gave her some comfort and control. She had to think straight now for them both. 

It was not an easy task getting the commander to stand and then on Rigel. The horse seem less than pleased but with a few soft words from Lena he stood still. Thank the Maker that Lena was a strong stout woman. It took all of her strength to lift Cullen onto her steed and steady him. Her shoulder had now begun a dull ache from where the dagger was still embedded deeply. She dared not pull it out for fear she would start bleeding and become too weak to carry on. Besides it wasn’t the first time she has walked around with a weapon stuck in her skin and for her commander she would do anything. Luckily Cullen had not noticed her injury yet and she thought maybe it was not so bad for him to be semi-conscious. Once Cullen was securely in place she took Rigel’s reigns and grabbed her bag before setting off on the long walk back to Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought it was odd how in the beginning of the game the Quiz flirts with everyone and yet when she chooses a partner no one seems jealous. It's just not natural. Had to give Blackwall some love. My current play through he is the romance for my Quanari and I just love him  
> I may not post for a few days though I will try. I am going out of town this weekend so we will see how it plays out because I am really excited for the next chapter


	4. Never Let You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The return of one couple and the beginning of so many others.  
> Plus a little love for Jim

The sun shone high overhead as Jim walked along the upper ramparts. It was getting into the afternoon hours and a slight sheen of sweat was on his skin from the warmth of the sun. It should have been a lazy day with the Inquisitor and Commander gone; a day spent sleeping in the sun or drinking in the tavern like so many other soldiers in Skyhold. The truth though was that the scout was tense and felt a sense of loss. His days were usually full of running reports to and from the Commander’s office. He was convinced Commander Cullen was a warlord reborn from the old times and Jim strove to work as tirelessly as his leader. Without Cullen there barking orders and sending him on errands Jim found himself waiting on the ramparts for his Commander’s return. 

He was the first one to see Cullen’s warhorse in full gallop heading for the gates. Jim felt his heart stop as he realized neither the Commander nor Inquisitor rode the war mount. The gates slowly opened to allow the horse inside and the scout waited a few moments before his brain was spurred into action. He ran for the training yard where he knew he would find the lady Seeker. She would know what to do. The poor man tripped down the stairs more than he walked and people were just blurred colors as he passed them in a mad run. By the time he reached Cassandra he was red faced and completely out of breath. For her part, Cassandra froze her sword mid-swing and looked at the man. Something in his face must have alerted her because her expression changed from one of annoyance to one of worry. 

“What has happened?” Her words were harsh as Jim attempted to inhale enough oxygen to speak. Her eyes were hard and she sheathed her sword lest she ran the scout through with it. 

“Th..the Commander. His…horse.” Jim truly tried to answer her but fear and exhaustion gripped him. His right ankle also hurt and he was pretty sure he twisted it during his furious run. Cassandra grabbed him by the front of his shirt and shook him one good time. She was not normally such a violent woman towards the troops but the heaviness in the air told her that something was dangerously wrong. 

Jim pointed towards the front gate and finally stammered out his words. “The commander’s horse…there is…no rider.” Cassandra dropped the scout and he landed in a crumpled mess at her feet. Maker have mercy she had begged them not to go alone. Cullen had agreed that it was too dangerous to go alone. It seemed the Inquisitor had swayed him though as she did so many. How could she be so reckless? Now the Inquisition was missing two of its leaders and Maker only knew what had happened. 

Her strides were even and focused as she made her way to the front gate. A group of soldiers and others of the Inquisition had gathered around the horse that Master Dennet now held the reins to. The stable master stood there as if he did not quite know what to do. The crowd parted as Cassandra approached, one look from her enough to freeze even the most battle hardy at this moment. She inspected the horse and could see no injury to the animal or any signs of battle. Perhaps he had only run off from his master? She found that highly unlikely but held hope in her heart that both of her friends were safe for personal as well as professional reasons. 

She looked up from inspecting the mount to see Blackwall, Varric, Sera, and Solas approaching. It seemed others of the Inner Circle had discovered the news. By the Maker word traveled quickly within the walls of Skyhold. Cassandra knew she would have to act fast if she wanted to avoid a large scene. They needed to get a search party together now and recover their lost comrades. 

“Master Dennet I need 6 fresh horses.” The stable master nodded and led Cullen’s war horse away to the stables as he started barking orders to his assistants. Casandra saw that Scout Jim was hanging around the back of the group. She motioned for him to come forward and he looked terrified of approaching her after she left him in a heap on the ground. 

“Did you see which way this horse came from?” She did not have time for idle talk. She could see questions in the eyes on the Inner Circle but right now they needed to act swiftly. 

“Yes…he came from the south road.” To Jim’s credit he only trembled a little under her piercing stare. 

“Good you will lead the way. We need to recover both of them as fast as we can. I have no idea what happened but we WILL find them.” The members of the Inner Circle nodded as Master Dennet brought each of them a horse. Cassandra quickly mounted and looked behind her to ensure that everyone was ready. She then nodded to Jim and the scout spurred his horse forward. As they rode out of the gate Varric caught up to her. 

“Cassandra…” He said her name softly. She barely heard him over the beat of her horse’s hooves. She turned her face to him and saw the same concern she knew was mirrored on her face. His hair fell around his face and touched his cheeks as the mount trotted beneath him. His chest was visible beneath his shirt and she realized she was glad that of everyone in Skyhold it was him that rode beside her now. 

“Hey don’t worry we will find them.” He was attempting to comfort her and Cassandra appreciated the effort. She felt her tension lessen a little and her hands did not grip the reigns so hard. He flashed her a grin and winked at her and she felt the heat rise in her face. Andraste preserve her that dwarf made her stomach do flips when he winked at her like that. It was so inappropriate and yet so exhilarating. Cassandra knew that Varric had discovered her enjoyment of Swords and Shields. She should have never let Lena in on her romantic side even if she now got new chapters personally delivered from Varric. Ever since his discovery it seemed that he intentionally tried to make her blush at every turn. He openly flirted with her and went out of his way to find her alone in the training yard. Part of her was thrilled at his attentions though she knew to him she was nothing more than a game. She did not like him toying with her emotions but found that she also could not command him to stop. 

She was searching for a reply when suddenly Blackwall came between them. She wasn’t sure if she should be annoyed or thankful for the interruption. It was becoming dangerous to talk to Varric alone.

*****************************************

Lena was exhausted. Luckily Cullen appeared comfortable and had been unconscious for most of the ride. He was currently slumped over Rigel and she occasionally had to adjust his position to keep him from falling. Luckily her faithful friend was not protesting too much, though she knew she owed him a good brush down and some carrots for his patience today. Occasionally the Commander would moan with pain and she would stop to check on him. Their hour ride from this morning was taking a lot longer on the return trip. She wondered if anyone had thought to come looking for them. She really could use the help with Cullen and he needed a healer. 

She was sweating heavily under the heat of the sun and the weight of her armor. Her breathing had become ragged at some point and she was beginning to worry if the dagger in her shoulder had not hit something important. The ground was starting to sway beneath her feet and she was hallucinating. Her eyes were not really seeing the small group coming to meet her. 

“LENA!” That sounded just like Blackwall. She had seen him this morning hadn’t she? Before she left? She had been flirting with him mercilessly trying to entice some kind of jealousy from Cullen before their ride. He looked so real she thought she could almost touch him. Even Cassandra, Varric, and Sera were riding beside him in this dream. She also noticed Solas and a scout she had seen coming to and from Cullen’s quarters. 

Her foot caught and rock and she fell to her knees. Not since the ice storm after Haven had she felt so hopeless and lost. She stared at the ground and wondered if the Maker had chosen this moment to take her home. 

“I didn’t even get a kiss.” She laughed aloud to herself then, a slight giggle that turned into a hearty rumbled before ending in a cough. She felt something wet on her lips and reached up before finding blood there. The sticky substance on her finger seemed odd and she could not figure out how it got there. Suddenly hands were on her shoulders and she realized that she was not having a vision and that it truly was Blackwall’s sturdy hands on her as he helped her to her feet. 

“She’s hurt Solas.” Suddenly there were so many bodies around her and she smiled to herself slightly as she drifted off into the darkness. Her last thought was that she would get that kiss the next time she saw those glorious golden eyes. 

*****************************************

The world was so soft. Lena reached out her hands and sighed at the warmth around her. She could smell sunlight and elfroot. She knew her eyes were closed but she couldn’t find the care to open them. Where ever she was seemed more perfect than anywhere she had even been. She drifted like that for several minutes half awake and yet half asleep. She had no idea where she was or how she got there but it seemed a shame to leave so soon. Suddenly she heard a loud harsh sound like something sliding over a stone floor. Her eyes shot open and she sat up. 

The first thing she realized was that she was in her room at Skyhold. The second and more intriguing thing she saw was the back of a certain Quanari. She could barely make out Dorian’s arms and legs wrapped around Iron Bull and the mage seemed pinned to the wall looking tiny beneath the mountain that held him there. Amazingly neither of them noticed her. They were rather lost in each other and she noticed that there was no speech between them. There was however the very obvious sounds of an intimate moment that she did not want to see. 

“Uh hm…” She cleared her throat loudly and the effect was instant. Suddenly the moans stopped from Dorian’s mouth and Bull set him down before turning around quickly. She had no idea Quanari could blush so deeply. He seemed to be hiding the Vent behind him obviously giving his lover a moment to collect himself. 

“So…right here in my room while I was unconscious? I can’t say I blame you seems like such a taboo thing to do.” Lena laughed then as Dorian appeared from behind Bull. He was even redder than the Quanari and both fidgeted uneasily. She truly was not upset though she was sure most would have been. 

“Sorry boss Dorian was supposed to be sitting with you until you woke. I came to bring him lunch and well…” Bull let his sentence hang in the air. Lena could sense that they were both very uncomfortable. She wondered if they were worried about her reaction. Dorian had left his family because he preferred men and many did not accept that two men could be perfect for each other. Luckily Lena was not one of them. 

“Seriously stop looking like scared children you two. I’m happy for both of you and honestly it was kind of hard to miss you two sneaking off. If anyone wants to say otherwise I will gladly let them know how I feel about that.” They both looked relieved at her words. She saw the tension fall from them and she couldn’t miss Bull’s arm slipping around Dorian’s shoulders as he pulled the other man close. 

Lena had been so distracted by the sight before her that she had forgotten about the events on the road. Suddenly she felt a wave of panic and began to hurriedly get out of bed. She had to see Cullen. She had to know for herself that he was ok. Sheets went flying and she was glad to see that she was in her normal outfit that she wore around Skyhold. Even though the two men in front of her obviously weren’t interested in what she was under her smalls she was glad that she did not have to waste time getting dressed. 

As she stood she swayed slightly and both of her friends were there to steady her. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before she felt the swimming in her head stop. When she opened them the room was no longer rocking. 

“Where’s Cullen?” There was an edge to her voice a highness of pitch that she usually controlled so well. She was silently praying to the Maker that he was alright and she could see him soon. 

“He’s fine boss.” The words slid over her skin and Lena let out a breath that she did not realize she had been holding. 

“The Commander is in the infirmary recovering. You passed out after they found you and you were both brought back here. Honestly Lena leaving a dagger in your chest? Even in the wilds of Ferelden that is considered a fashion faux pas.” She knew Dorian was only teasing her and she was glad to know that their friendship was unchanged. She was sure the rumors had been flying since their return to Skyhold and she did not look forward to what the masses had come up with. It seemed even soldiers liked good gossip. 

Lena attempted to take a few steps but the room started to sway again. A wave of nausea hit her and she fought down the urge as quickly as she could. When she opened her eyes this time the broad back of Bull was in front of her. 

“Hop on boss.” He looked over his shoulder at her as if to reassure her that it was ok. 

“As long as lover boy over there doesn’t get jealous.” She giggled as Dorian made an indignant noise. She then hopped on as Bull began to carry her down the stairs and away to see the Commander.

*****************************************

“Is she awake yet?” Pissed off wasn’t even the word to describe Cullen at this moment. He had awoken a few hours previous to have Cassandra tell him that they had both been out for a whole day. She then refused to let him out of bed to see the Inquisitor. She claimed he was still healing from his injuries and they both needed rest. 

Cassandra had tried questioning him while he sat there but he had refused to give her any answers. He knew he was being irrational but if Cassandra would not let him see Lena then he was not giving her what she wanted. He also did not know exactly how to explain what had happened moments before they were attacked. Lena was the one who was fit to come up with an appropriate story so he would just keep his silence for now. 

_‘What I need is to see her.’_ He had spent his time since then sitting up in bed with his arms across his chest staring at Cassandra and Varric. He had been trying to plot a way out of this room. If only he could get to the door. 

Suddenly he heard the sound of loud footsteps and a giggle he would know anywhere. His look turned hungry and his pulse began pounding in his ears. 

“Onward Quanari steed!” The door to the room flew open as Dorian stepped through. His face held a cross between mirth and annoyance. Cullen then saw Iron Bull with a pair of arms wrapped firmly around his neck. Her face was hidden from Cullen’s view but he found himself leaning forward with anticipation. 

“She was supposed to stay in bed.” Cassandra gave an exasperated sigh and threw her hands in the air as Bull squatted down. Cullen did not let it slip his notice when Varric took a step closer to her a put his hand on the Seeker’s shoulder. 

Cullen could barely control his face as he saw Lena step out from behind the Quanari. He was worried though when he saw her expression was hard and almost angry. She stared at him for a moment before turning to the others in the room. 

“Leave us. The Commander and I have things to discuss and then I will call a war council to answer any questions.” Cassandra opened her mouth as if to protest but the order was clear. Lena shot the Seeker a hard look that would make even the most seasoned warrior hold their tongue. Varric was wise enough to lead Cassandra away from the Inquisitor before the females could start anything. Dorian and Bull exited behind the other pair and closed the door behind them without a word. 

Cullen swallowed hard as she made her way to him with slow measured steps. His breathing became heavy as suddenly his lack of a shirt left him feeling very exposed. Her eyes stayed trained on his face though and her expression was one of seriousness. Maybe he had read her wrong and his affections were unreturned. Make preserve him all he had thought about for hours was this moment only to have her break his heart. 

He finally broke their gaze and suddenly became interested in the sheets beneath his hands. He did not need to look at her to know the moment she stood in front of him. 

“Look at me Cullen.” Another command came from her lips and he had no choice but for his eyes to meet hers. Even the sound of his name on her lips seemed so wrong in that tone. 

The moments ticked by as she stood there staring at him her warm green eyes never leaving his. He wanted her to say something to him. Every time he thought to speak the words stuck inside him. Just when he finally found the courage to break the silence, she made her move. 

Lena’s hand was soft as it touched his cheek. Cullen froze against her touch but she could not make herself stop. He then leaned into her hand as his eyes closed and he was thrilled by the scent of her skin. He moved to the edge of the bed his feet touching the floor as she moved to stand in front of him. 

Her hand moved up into his hair and she absently stroked it as he leaned his head against her stomach. She held him to her and she felt the sob start before she could catch it. Tiny rivers flowed from her eyes and she shoulders shook but she refused to relinquish her hold on him. 

She was never going to let him go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself. I was actually going to take this chapter in a much different direction but I wanted to get on to the Cullen/Lena love.


	5. The Tempest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love, passion, romance, and anger. Secrets begin and our heroes explain what happened during the Venatori attack. Also a little side romance between two of our most beloved side kicks  
> Slightly NSFW

Cullen felt her crying as much as he heard it. Lena’s chest heaved as she sobbed and he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight as she let it all out. She held onto him as if she was drowning and he was her only survival. He could not trust his voice. He was on the verge of tears himself and he wanted to stay strong for her. 

He realized then that he had been wrong. He could almost feel her emotions through her touch and knew that the depth of her affections matched his own. He was elated and his heart felt like it might pump out of his chest. He wanted to savor every moment of her and be the rock that she needed. 

“I…I was so afraid.” After a few minutes she finally spoke. Her voice was raspy and he looked up into her red rimmed eyes. He reached up and wiped her tears away before scooting back on the bed and motioning for her to join him. She quickly crawled to him and found comfort in the safety of his out-stretched arms. He placed a kiss to her forehead as he held her to his chest. She could hear his heartbeat and thought it was the most wondrous sound she had ever heard. 

“I’m sorry I left you defenseless. I caused you fear and to be hurt.” Cullen sighed heavily. He was so angry at himself. He had let her down. 

She pulled back and looked into his eyes. She reached a tender hand to his face and cupped his cheek. He leaned into her hand and let out a contented sigh when her lips met his. The kiss was soft and gentle and she only lingered a few moments before pulling back. It was the single most glorious moment of his life. 

“I am never defenseless Cullen and if anyone is sorry it is me. MY lack of attention caused you to be hurt. I was so afraid that I would lose you without being able to tell you how I feel.” She paused then her eyes meeting his as if trying to discern how he was handling what she was saying. Her emotions were raw and she was open to him in a way she had never been open to anyone before. He gave her a half smile before stealing another brief kiss. 

“I felt that way after Haven. I know I should not feel so much for you. You are our leader, the light that guides us all. There are so many who deserve you more than I and yet I can’t seem to let you go.” Lena’s eyes grew wide at his words. He had finally found a voice that was even and his stuttering had been lost in the wake of her affection for him. She gave him a confidence he had never known before. He knew he was a fool for not telling her sooner. He had held it all in for fear of rejection and now he felt ridiculous for wasting so much time that he could have spent enjoying her. 

“You could have told me sooner.” She let out a short laugh as she gentle pushed against his chest. He found himself chuckling as well. Her smile was wide as she took his hand within hers. She began to gently kiss each of his knuckles in turn and he found his eyes glued to where her lips touched his skin. 

“I could get used to these complements you know.” Her smile turned wicked and he felt an excited wave run over him. She continued to run her lips gently over the skin of his hand. 

“If you keep doing that I won’t be able to say anything.” She stopped at his words though still held his hand within her own. Her palm was rough from sword use but still smaller than his own. He brought it to his lips before gently kissing each fingertip. It was her turn to be enthralled and her eyes turned darker with each kiss. 

“I was afraid of your rejection. You are a goddess and I am a lowly soldier. You teasing and torment almost drove me mad.” Lena was surprised by his admission. She only saw herself as a regular woman. She quickly forgot that to others she was so much more. She had never known that the commander held such emotions for her. She had dreamt and hoped but in this moment she had no doubt left. She knew it was not yet love but with the proper tending love would blossom into a torrent between the two. 

“And your cold rejection of my advances did not do the same for me? Every time I look at you I see this bold warrior, a lion unafraid of anything or anyone. You are stoic and calm while all I know is fear and worry.” Cullen had never known that someone could see him as anything other than a broken lyrium addicted Templar. Even though he had broken his addiction the memories of his past still haunted him. The way she spoke of him though made him feel like he was something so much more than he had ever been. 

“We both have flaws my dearest commander. Let’s leave the past where it belongs and start fresh. We have both been foolish but I do not want to waste more time on wondering of things we cannot change.” Her green eyes were so lovely as she spoken and he felt his pulse quicken as she called him her dearest. He laid down on the bed then and pulled her to him so she could lay across his chest. She propped her face on her hand and took the opportunity to kiss him underneath his chin. The sensation sent shivers down his spine. 

“What happened after I lost consciousness?” The moments had been quiet and Cullen wished to stay like this forever yet he knew outside the walls of the infirmary the world pressed onward. 

“There were four of them. They died yet one managed to get a dagger into my shoulder before he departed this world.” Lena knew she should tell him everything yet she was afraid. She knew Cullen had a deep distrust of magic and though she had no choice in receiving the Mark she did not wish to scare him. The Mark scared her and it was attached to her body. She still was not sure how she had opened the Rift and she knew she would need to discuss what had happened with Solas at some point. The elf understood the Fade and its magic better than anyone. 

“I remember you calling my name. You were touching my cheek and I think I said something ridiculous. I don’t remember much.” Lena was thankful that Cullen did not press her for details. He stroked her hair absently as he spoke and she nuzzled against his chest. 

“I begged the Maker not to take you. I promised many things while you laid on the ground and I have never been so glad to have my prayers answered. I am sorry I seemed harsh when I first came in. I had so many emotions running through me at that moment and when I am afraid I rely on the leader within me to help me make it through.” She was telling him things that she never told anyone. She had learned much from Leliana and she knew the trade of secrets was a lucrative one. She liked to keep her cards close to her chest. 

Cullen was thankful that she trusted him enough to share even the smallest part of herself with him. In time he hoped he would know her in every way. He knew one day he would have to share his demons with her but for now he was content to hear her speak. 

“I was plotting my escape when you came in. I think Cassandra was ready to run me through after listening to me ask about you for hours. Every time a runner came to report to her I would demand to know any news of you.” Lena leaned up then and met his golden eyes. His chest was warm under her hands and she could feel his breathing grow ragged. The desire in his eyes matched her own and she wished more than ever that they were in the privacy of her room. 

This kiss was different. It was deeper and she lingered on his lips. It was as if her soul reached out to touch his after learning that he had been as tormented worrying about her as she had been worrying about him. She felt the moment his resolve broke. His hands slid up her back to fist into her long dark hair. She was drowning in him and when his mouth opened and his tongue brushed her lips she yielded to him easily. He explored her mouth and she moaned slightly. Her body worked though her brain had stopped and she rubbed herself against him like a cat starved for attention. She could not help but notice his hard length pressing against her thigh. 

“By the Maker woman you will be the death of me.” Her lips were swollen and her lids were heavy over her eyes as he broke the kiss. She made a small whine as he pulled her back from him and he fought the urge to pull her close once more. He was afraid if he continued any further he would take her right there and she deserved so much more. 

“Cullen…” She was pouting again his name a long drawn out whimper as her bottom lip poked out. He laughed then and ran his thumb along her bottom lip to sooth her. 

“I promise we can continue later. First though we need to decide what to tell the others.” She knew he was right though Lena did not want to stop losing herself to him. Her body protested as she rose off of him and sat beside him on the bed. 

“I want everyone to know you are mine. I want to flirt with you across the war table and have people catch me stealing kisses in the hallways. I want to steal you away from the training yard only to haul you off to my room. However…” Her words had been excited and rushed as she had spoken about what she wanted. A slight blush had graced her cheeks and her eyes were bright. Cullen thought it sounded like an excellent idea and match exactly what he desired. He wanted everyone to know that she belonged to him and him alone. He did not like feeling like he was competing for her. She paused though and took a deep breath as she looked into his face. 

“I am not sure that is the best course of action. I want time for us to figure out where this is going without the rumors and others affecting what happens between us. We would be the gossip of Skyhold and everywhere the Inquisition touches. Instead of talking about the good we are doing for everyone people would only discuss how the Inquisitor is snogging her commander. Everyone loves a good romance and I fear it would undo the good we are trying to accomplish.” Her face fell a little and he grabbed her hand and held it tight. He understood what she was saying and agreed though he did not like it any more than she did. 

“Then in front of the mass we continue as we were. We tell no one what is going on. In time they will find out but the idea of this being our secret is rather thrilling.” It truly was an exhilarating idea to him. A romance with her was in itself exciting and combined with being a secret only added to the enjoyment. There was something so forbidden about a hidden romance between the two of them. 

She nodded to his words as she stared at the hard stone floor. She seemed lost in her thoughts and he let her stay there as he patiently waited. 

“Know that no matter what happens I am yours and yours alone. I can’t stand the idea of people continuing to look at you the way they do. You have no idea how irresistible you are to the masses my dearest. I seriously wanted to punch the last envoy that Josephine entertained. I know you were oblivious to her but I swear she was undressing you with her eyes every time she looked at you.” Lena’s face had turned hard at her words. Cullen knew there were those that admired him but he had never expected her jealousy to match his own. More than once his thoughts had turned to violence when he saw the way others looked at her. 

“And you are my only.” It was a promise to her. He had never felt such emotion and he knew he would never share this with another. He was bound to her no matter what the future brought to them. 

“We have to go now don’t we?” Lena’s voice was heavy. Though she enjoyed this stolen time with him she knew that Cassandra and the others would grow impatient. There were matters to attend to and foremost was figuring out what Venatori were doing so close to Skyhold. 

“I hope you have a good story for them.” Cullen knew they could not tell the whole truth to the others. Lena spent the next several minutes explaining the story they would tell and it was mostly the truth. Cullen listened with attention though he could not help but run his fingers over the skin of her arm.

******************************

Everyone was in the war chamber awaiting the Inquisitor and the Commander. Leliana, Josephine, and the entire Inner Circle were tightly packed in the room. All of them had a right to hear what had happened and had been permitted to attend this special war council. Cassandra was not sure if she was happy that they were both recovered or if she would throttle them both as soon as they came in. 

When Varric drug her from the room she had been angry. Most of all she was angry at him for not allowing her to stay and get answers to her questions. He had seemed delighted though and her anger had long ago ceased to scare him. She was trying to retain that anger now though earlier events left her slightly distracted. 

_“Cassandra slow down.” She walked at a furious pace away from the infirmary and Varric was struggling to keep up with her. She had made it to the garden and paused for a moment to try and control her emotions. She sat down on one of the benches and put her head in her hands to still her roaring thoughts._

_Suddenly Varric was there. He pulled her hands from her face and replaced them with his own to her cheeks. He raised her gaze until it met his and his eyes were gentle as they peered down at her. She shivered slightly from his touch and found herself unable to pull away._

_“Of all the tempest to fear none has ever been as lovely as you are when angered.” Cassandra stopped breathing as he spoke. It was a simple line of poetry yet it made her world stand still._

_He was ferocious as he kissed her. He devoured her mouth with his and left nothing undone. Varric had wanted to taste her for so long and he now found himself a man starved set before his favorite meal. Her response was as wild as his and they spent several moments lost in the passion that had been building._

_She pulled away first finally mindful of where they were. Luckily no one seemed to be in the garden but them. She blushed deeply and felt too many emotions to discern._

_“I have wanted to do that for a long time.” Varric was breathless as he spoke. His fingers trembled as he stroked her cheek._

_“Don’t toy with me Varric.” Cassandra’s senses had returned and she gave him a hard warning as she completely pulled away from him. A look of confusion crossed Varric’s face._

_“No one is playing games Cassandra. I want you and from your response you want me.” She shoved him away as she stood. She wanted to wipe that grin off his face. He could not be serious. Varric was the least trustworthy person that she knew. His intentions were always double edged._

_“Believe what you want. I always enjoy a good game of hard to get.” She stormed off at his last words though she found them ringing in her ears as he followed after her._

The doors to the war room opened to reveal Lena and Cullen both looking serious. Cassandra had thought earlier that Cullen’s worry had been more than just concern for the Inquisitor. He had been furious when she would not let him check on Lena personally. Maybe she had just imagine it though. Varric’s game was starting to mess with her head too much. The look on their faces now was one of anger and any thought Cassandra had of affection between the two disappeared. 

They parted and Lena stopped at one end of the war table while Cullen took the other. She was staring daggers at him and his face was blank. The entire room waited in anticipation. 

“Basically he is an idiot.” The words from Lena rang out in the space between the two. Cullen only shrugged his shoulders and if he did not care what she had to say. 

“You are so childish.” His tone was harsh as he retorted back to her. 

“We stopped to let the horses rest and were attacked by four Venatori. Perhaps if the Commander was doing a better JOB we would not have been ambushed. I want to know what our ENEMY is doing so close to our stronghold.” They were not addressing the others in the room directly. All conversation hung between the two of them thick in the air and Cassandra was glad that the war table separated them. Lena’s words had an inflection that she knew was bordering on rage. 

“I have had no reports of Venatori movement in the mountains. Perhaps if YOU had been paying attention the YOU would have seen the warrior that stole behind me and knocked me out.” Lena looked ready to throw something and Cassandra realized she was gripping the table in front of her. 

“I knew we needed to check the surrounding area. You are getting lax in your old age. Perhaps you have spent to long away from the battlefield. A REAL warrior would not have been overtaken so easily.” It was finally too much for Cullen. He stormed toward Lena and Cassandra knew she should stop them. Word of their fights had gotten around Skyhold and they both had volatile tempers. However she nor anyone else made a move to stop the tides of their anger. She could only imagine what had happened while they had been in the infirmary speaking. She was surprised no one was bloody or bruised. 

“If you were not the Inquisitor I would…” She cut him off quickly. 

“You would what? One Venatori knocked you out and I took down all four of them. Let me guess you would kill me with your little fur?” Cullen turned then and fumed out of the war room. He slammed the door behind him and Lena had a satisfied smile on her face. Cassandra thanked the Maker that an open fist fight had not broken out in the war room. 

“I expected a full effort in ensuring that no Venatori get that close to Skyhold again.” The order was given and she finally turned to address the others in the room. Everyone nodded as they had seemed to lose their voices. 

Lena then turned and took measured steps from the war room. Cassandra wasn’t sure if she was going to laugh at the whole display or just be thankful. 

“Well that was interesting. If they are always like this maybe I should attend more war councils.” Bull’s words seemed to break the spell that held everyone frozen. They all began to file out of the war room slowly not believing what had just taken place. 

*******************************

“I’m so sorry.” Her hands were everywhere running up his chest, around his neck, and gently combing through his hair as not to hurt him. She rained kisses over his face. His hands were as busy as hers winding around her waist as he pulled her flush to his body. 

She had come to find him as soon as the war council had ended. They had arranged to meet in one of the old towers near his office. She had been afraid though that after their exchange he would be truly angry with her. 

“I didn’t mean any of it…I thought of everything that was the opposite of the truth.” Her words were barely discernable between kisses. He knew deep inside it wasn’t true and that she had only been playing their game. They had agreed before going in that anything said would not be held against them. Still he needed her affections to reassure himself. He couldn’t speak he could only drown himself in everything she offered. 

“You are my light…the thought that holds me together when I think I am lost…every day for the last months I have thought only of matching your dedication and pleasing you…” She showered him with complements. His hands went to under the swell of her bottom and he lifted her. Her legs slid easily around him as he pinned her against the wall with his body. She groaned as her back hit the wall. He winced as he realized she was still injured as well. He tried to be gentler but she gave him a frustrated growl when his attentions turned softer and she dug her heels into him. 

He was so hard and he ground himself into her as she moaned. She threw her head back against the stone and he took that moment to devour her neck. He kissed softly first then followed by nipping her indulgent flesh. She cried out for him and dug her nails through his shirt and into his shoulders. 

“Cullen please.” His name was almost a sob on her lips as he cupped her right breast in his hand. He was rough as he kneaded her flesh and her breathing was ragged. 

“Mine.” He uttered a single growl as he claimed her mouth. His tongue dove into her and he could only imagine what she would taste like if he got under her smalls. As much as he loved her mouth he wanted to see her climax under his tongue a lap her sweetness as she came for him. 

She began to pull at his shirt. She wanted his bare skin again. The paleness was such a contrast to her own tan and she wanted to torment him by tracing every scar on his body with fingers followed by her mouth. 

They became lost in the moment. Every touch and every kiss drove them further into their madness. There was no words between them none were needed. Finally her hands met the bare skin of his abdomen and Cullen sucked in a breath. 

“Lena.” He called her name softly and her eyes met his. He wanted her but knew that time was not on their side. She seemed to sense it as well and her demanding touch slowed to light strokes along his skin. 

“Meet me tonight in my room.” It wasn’t a request and he was not one to say no to her. He would give her anything and everything that she desired. 

He placed one last quick kiss on her lips before letting her down. Her legs were wobbly as she stood and she flashed him a smile as she headed off away from his office. He turned to go find his bed and get some sleep. He would need his rest for the long enjoyable night ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy poopie only took me three hours to type. Hope everyone enjoys the new chapter. Special thanks to Abeck for the comments always love getting feedback. Also lots of love to everyone who left kudos


	6. The Writer's Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will be a short one. I am departing from Lena/Cullen for a day and bringing you another love.

Cassandra was hiding in her favorite corner of the training yard. After witnessing the earlier fight between the Inquisitor and Commander she needed some time alone with herself. She had been so sure of Lena and Cullen’s mutual attachment and yet she was wrong. She had not known two people could vehemently hate each other. Of course she tried not to think about her own awkward situation. 

Her skin still shivered with goosebumps every time she thought of Varric’s kiss. Her thoughts were a torrent in her head and her emotions were doing the same thing in her heart. Between the two she could barely exist. After the millionth time of sitting down only to stand back up she decided to start pacing. If she could work it all out in physical energy then maybe the inside of her would finally unfold. 

She was no fool no man was going to play with her. She was just a game to him no matter what his words were. She was not going to fall for someone like him. 

Someone who wrote the most passionate stories. Someone who told her they liked her playing hard to get. Someone who spoke such beautiful words to her and was always there to reassure her. Someone who kissed her like she was the only woman alive. 

“Stop it!” She spoke aloud to herself. This was true torment. Maybe she would go to the mages and ask for something to help her sleep it off. 24 hours of sleep should be enough to dull the ache between the Seeker’s legs and the fluttering in her chest. 

Cassandra had finally found the resolve to leave her current post when Varric appeared in the courtyard. He was walking straight at her. She debating on hiding but realized it was too late. Besides the dwarf owed her an apology. He had kissed her uninvited and basically assaulted her. Yes that was what she would use against him this time. 

She did not know her thoughts could race faster but somehow they did. She couldn’t help but notice (though she would not let herself to admit and dwell) that his chest was broad even though he was short. The muscles of his arm and chest strained against his shirt. His hair as always was slicked back though kept loose and on the verge of wild. A wildness that half of her wanted to personally try. 

_‘Maker have mercy I have to stop.’_ He was almost to her she only had a few moments to collect herself and be angry at him for earlier. 

“Varric.” Her tone was one of disinterested though she could not keep her hands from making fists at her side. She congratulated herself on meeting his eyes without turning completely red. He flashed her a knowing smile and while his gaze held a twinkle, Cassandra felt rather than saw a hardness there. Something seemed to creep just under his skin like a need so deep it could be felt in the space between them. She found her breath catching at the force of his ache. 

“I have something for you Seeker.” He handed her what looked like the latest chapter of Swords and Shields. Never before had she been disappointed to receive the latest update. The anger she had been trying to build was gone and now she had nothing to cling to. She had thought maybe he had come to see her. He had said he would not give up but now he was turning to leave. 

“Start with page 10.” He threw the words over his shoulder and Cassandra could swear he was strutting with an air of pride. She was so excited she could hardly contain herself but she had the sense to make her way to her room. If he had included something secret for her there was no reason for all of Skyhold to see. Without even taking her armor off Cassandra landed on her bed on her stomach. She propped herself up on her elbows and slowly opened the pages. It was a few short moments before she got to page 10. 

_As beautiful as you are my lady fair_

_As lovely as a rose in bloom_

_And yet not on beauty alone do I dwell_

_But so much more will seal my doom._

_The smile upon your lips so divine_

_One that does not dim with age_

_And yet the greatest draw for me_

_Is seeing you so lost in rage._

_Such passion in your eyes so bright_

_Righteous in both wrath and deed_

_I want to be the light that sparks_

_The one fulfilling every need._

_Softness is a lovely draw_

_And soft I know that you could be_

_But desires are within my heart_

_For the woman who has captured me._

_I want to drown in your embrace_

_A man starved for passion true_

_For lost within the one I love_

_Only then can I be renewed._

_I was serious Cassandra. You can run and I will gladly give chase but know that wherever you go you carry my heart around with you. This is not some silly infatuation from me but a desperate and deep longing for you. I will enjoy the game for now but know that I will always come for you._

Something inside her snapped. Suddenly she was laughing like a madwoman and clutching the letter to her chest. There were still doubts in her head sure but she now felt confident that he meant it. However just to be safe she would string him along a while longer. Now though she had confidence and she would enjoy this game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter was inspired and written for coffee_maker. Thank you so much for the great idea. I promise to grind another long one out this weekend sometime probably late Sunday


	7. Lyrium, Blades, and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW I repeat NSFW!  
> Cullen comes to Lena's room and finds someone he never expected, Then part 1 of the longest night of our heroes' lives

Cullen saw his opportunity and was not going to let it pass him. Why on the Maker’s green earth did her room have to be at the back of the busiest hall in all of Skyhold? The sun was just setting and almost everyone was either heading to the tavern or lazing outside. It was a beautiful spring evening. The frosts of winter had melted away to bring warm days that lacked the blaze of summer’s heat. 

Varric was the only person who almost constantly occupied the hall yet he seemed to be absent. He was probably in the tavern already entertaining the masses with wild half-true stories. Varric could fool most but he seemed to forget that Cullen was just as present in Kirkwall as the dwarf had been. 

_“Or he’s off chasing after a certain Seeker.’_ The Commander kept the last thought to himself though their earlier behaviors had not escaped his notice. It was not his business to meddle in the affairs of others but he was sure if he let Lena in on what he had seen the Inquisitor would have no problem getting involved. It was funny that she wanted to keep their romance a secret for that exact reason. 

When the guards in the hall changed shift they did not even noticed as a certain blonde haired man slipped quietly into the Inquisitor’s private chambers. He had forgone his armor as it made him entirely too noticeable. Without it he seemed to blend into the crowd a bit more. He knew Lena would be proud of his rogue skills. Sneaking was not usually his forte and he was slightly concerned about the guards not taking notice of him. He would remind himself to chastise them later. 

She was not in her room as he opened the door. He was slightly disappointed but he knew her duties kept her busy. He trusted that she would not keep him waiting too long. He debated on stripping naked and crawling into her bed. The thought of her finding him there made him blush and he was unsure if she would ravish him or laugh at his forwardness. 

He rubbed the back of his neck as he debated on what to do. He finally took a seat at her desk and leaned back in the chair. There were even more papers and reports on her desk than his own and he winced as he thought of the heavy burden on her shoulders. Cullen kicked his feet up to occupy the only spot that seemed devoid of paperwork and began entertaining himself with thoughts of her. He imagined her walking in to find him like this. She would slowly saunter over to him leaving a trail of clothes behind her. He imagined her reaching him completely naked and he would….. 

Suddenly he heard footsteps on the stairs. The sound of boots echoing was much too heavy to be her. He quickly vacated his current position and had just barely made it upstairs as the door opened. Cullen stood in the shadows so the man below could not see him. Once he saw who it was that had entered Lena’s chambers he felt a haze of red cloud his vision. 

Blackwall made his way out onto the balcony and disappeared from Cullen’s sight. Confusion hurt and blinding anger passed through the Commander. What in the Maker’s holy name was that man doing? A part of him wanted to march downstairs and challenge the man before running him through with the sword. Cullen’s hands turned into hard fists at his side as he tried to make himself stay. Hopefully this was just a meeting between the two to discuss Inquisition business and nothing more. If Lena had betrayed him he could not ensure that he wouldn’t do something reckless. Lyrium and weapons were much too available in this stronghold. 

_‘This is why she wanted to keep you a secret.’_ The old demons came to haunt him and his doubts swelled inside him. He tried to quiet their voice but they tormented him. All he could see was Lena curled in Blackwall’s arms her naked form beneath the Grey Warden. Cullen could never be enough for a woman as beautiful and glorious as the Inquisitor. She was playing him for a fool and he felt white hot anger at her and the world. The Maker would never cease to torment him and rip any happiness away from Cullen’s grasp. 

After a few minutes lost in his tortured thoughts he heard the echoing of softer footsteps coming upstairs. He waited patiently and tried to slow his breathing. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t spying as the door to her chamber opened. 

*******************************************

Lena had thought she would never get away from Josie. The woman was sweet but she never stopped talking. Tonight’s discussion had been about some poor Nevarran noble that the Diplomat was currently toying with. Maker have mercy and they said Lena was cruel. She honestly felt sorry for anyone that Josie had a mind to seduce. 

Her thoughts had been of Cullen the entire time buy she had been polite enough to nod and say yes in all the right spots. She wasn’t sure if Josie would have been offended or delighted to know the whole time Lena’s thoughts were of how naughty it would be to ride Cullen on top of the Antivan’s desk in her office. 

Speaking of Cullen, Lena looked around to see her room was empty and she felt her heart fall. Hopefully he was just detained by his duties and would join her shortly. The sun had fallen behind the Frostbacks and she could hear the sounds coming from the tavern. 

She made her way towards the balcony to feel the breeze on her skin when she saw someone in the opening that made her stop in her tracks. Her eyes grew big as she saw Blackwall leaned against the frame and she knew this was not going to end well. 

“If only you knew how confounding you are, how impossibly infuriating.” Lena listen and tried to make her mouth move and words form though he tongue seemed stuck to the roof of her mouth. She had never been very good at rejecting people and Blackwall was her friend. She did not want to hurt him and she and the Inquisition both needed him. She had known he had feelings for her but she had hoped it would die down in time. Once again her flirtations had proven too strong. Cullen would kill them both if he found them like this. She needed the Warden out of her room. 

“I just had to see you.” He was making his way toward her as he spoke. She had hardly been listening to him and could barely hear his words over the roar of her blood pounding in her ears. It seemed Blackwall was not going to allow her a moment to think of something tactful to say. 

His arms were around Lena as he pulled her close. The touch seemed to finally spur her brain into action. He leaned down to capture her mouth with his own but she skillfully turned her head. It wasn’t that she was opposed to the idea of two lovers and she had done things in the past that she was sure would make her sweet Commander blush. However she had never had feelings like this before and was not about to break Cullen’s trust even if he would never know. 

“Blackwall I am sorry but you shouldn’t be here.” At her words he stepped back suddenly and she almost stumbled backwards. She did not want to look at him but she found her gaze focused right at him as he retreated a few steps away. She saw hurt in his eyes as his hands fidgeted uncomfortably. 

“I am sorry my lady I didn’t mean to…” Lena felt her heart break for him. It was obvious that his feelings had been much deeper for her than she had expected. 

“I am sorry if I led you to believe something different. You are one of my closest friends and I would never want to be without you. However friendship is all I can offer you.” Her voice was soft and low. She had to force the words out but they seemed to help him collect himself. He sighed heavily as he looked at her and finally met her eyes. 

“It is I who am sorry my lady. There is someone else isn’t there?” Lena felt the color drain out of her face at his words. It was not meant to be an accusation though it felt that way. Perhaps thinking he was too late would help him deal with the cold sting of her rejection. 

“Yes there is someone else but you are a good man. I see it. Any woman would be lucky to have you.” She smiled at him weakly and he just nodded at her words. His face was blank though Lena swore she could see unshed tears shinning in his eyes. 

“Good night my lady.” He turned then and headed quickly for the door. He shut it with a little harder force than necessary and Lena let out the breath that she had been holding. 

“Maker’s balls.” She let out the curse to herself as she turned away from the closed door. She sat down on her bed and hung her head in her hands. Why did her life have to be so complicated? Corypheus was nothing compared to trying to sort out her personal life. 

“Thank the Holy Andraste that Cullen didn’t see that.” She hated the idea of not telling him but she wasn’t sure she would be able to stop the Commander from drawing his sword and marching out into the courtyard to kill the man. Maybe she would tell him in the morning after she had spent all night draining him of all his strength. 

“Actually he did.” Lena jumped at the sound and drew her hidden dagger as she stood. At the top of the stairs was the man she wanted to see most in her life and yet right now was the one time she did not want him present. 

“What the fuck Cullen?” Lena shook both from being startled and angry that he had been watching the whole time. 

**********************************

If it had been any other woman Cullen would have felt sorry for Blackwall. He had personally been afraid of revealing his feelings to Lena for the same reason. Still he couldn’t help the smug smile that crossed his face when Lena had rejected the other man. That same look was on his face now as he made his way down the stairs and to her. 

“Sorry my only I didn’t want to ruin your moment with Blackwall.” He laughed then a cruel and harsh sound against the stone walls. His jealousy wasn’t appeased quite yet. Even though Lena had sent the Warden out the demons inside Cullen were still trying to pull him down into their dark depths. 

Lena could sense Cullen’s internal struggle and it was enough to calm her anger at him. She made her way to him wanting to reassure him that he was the only one who she wanted. Even though she had avoided Blackwall’s kiss she knew the sight of the other man’s hands on her was enough to drive her Commander almost mad. His face was too tight and his eyes were dark as she reached him. 

“Cullen.” His eyes met hers as she softly called his name. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as she leaned against his chest. She laid her head on his shoulder and her lips brushed against his pulse. Her hands gently ran through his hair as she silently worshipped him. Her lips on his skin grew more insistent changing from soft strokes along his neck to kisses and then light nips along his paleness. 

She felt him finally come back to her as his hands came to rest on her hips. He let out a contented sigh as her mouth began to trail down along his collarbone and she used her teeth to pull at the collar of his shirt. She whined hating that the fabric caused her from exploring his skin any further. 

Cullen stepped back then. He saw her eyes were half lidded and she watched his every movement with rapt attention. Her flashed her a smile before her began to lift the shirt over his head. He swore to himself it would be slow this first time. He was going to enjoy every moment, every touch and every taste. 

He threw the shirt onto the floor and motioned for her to follow him as he made his way to her bed. She followed behind him and as he stopped at the side of her bed she began to run her hands over the skin of his back. Her fingers traced his old scars and he was content to allow their gentle attentions. 

She saw his head lean back and his eyes were closed. He had so many scars and she thanked the Maker that he had survived each one. She ran kisses from between his shoulders down his spine and then followed the path again with her tongue. He moaned then and he grabbed her wrist as he pulled her in front of him. His hands cupped her face as he met her lips with his own. His kisses started out lazy and she nipped his bottom lip to show her impatience. He drew in a sharp breath and then began to devour her mouth. It was her turn to moan as his tongue forced its way into her mouth and he pushed her back onto the bed. She wanted to break his control. 

“By the Maker you are so beautiful.” She looked up at him as he leaned over to begin removing her top. His pace was measured as he undid each button. Finally he slipped the shirt off her shoulders his hands making sure to skim over her skin as the garment fell off. He undid the bindings around her breast in a more hurried pace and she shivered as his gaze met her exposed skin. He reached down and skimmed his thumb lightly over her nipple as she felt wetness pool between her legs. Curse him for being so slow she wanted him now. 

“Cullen please I want you.” His pulse quickened as she whimpered out her words. He knew the slow torture was driving her as mad as it was driving him. She kept attempting to pull at the bindings of his pants but he would push her hands away. He was hard his erection straining against the fabric and his body demanded that he sink into her waiting heat. He would not be rushed though. 

“Have patience my only. I want to taste you first.” Her eyes were wide at his words and she scooted back on the bed as she began trying to remove her remaining clothes. Her movements were frantic and Cullen joined her on the bed. His knees rested between her thighs and he grabbed both of her wrists as he pinned her hands above her head. 

“Not yet.” One hand remained to hold both of her wrists as he placed a light kiss on her lips. He then began a slow trail one kiss on her jaw, then her collarbone, before finally taking one nipple in his mouth. He sucked lightly at first before becoming more aggressive. His free hand kneaded her other breast as he alternated his mouth between sucking, licking, and biting her nipple until it was erect for him. 

Lena’s body squirmed beneath him and she fought against the strong hold of his hand. She wanted to touch him and explore him as he did her. She tried grinding her hips against his erection to relieve some of the tension between her legs. He only laughed before lifting his hips away from her. She let out an exasperated groan as his lips kissed across her stomach and finally came to rest at the waistband of her pants. His eyes held a hunger than Lena had never seen in a man before and he finally released her hands as he began undoing her pants before pulling them down her legs. He undid her boots and threw them to the side before freeing her from her pants. 

Her skin was so beautiful and Cullen took a moment to meet her eyes before gazing down her body. He could see how wet she was from the dampness of her smalls and he laid down and nuzzled the apex of her thighs before kissing the inside of her tan skin starting at her knees and working up. She sobbed as she squirmed beneath him and he was delighted that he was causing her such sweet torment. He would reward her soon. He wanted to know what her cream tasted like and wanted to see her come undone beneath him. 

Lena’s hands fisted in the sheets as she tried to resist the urge to push him down on the bed and ravage him. She wanted to follow his pace but it was almost too much for her. She owed him this though both for their earlier ‘fight’ and him seeing her with another man. 

Cullen began to pull at her smalls and she raised her hips as he pulled the fabric from her. She was now naked beneath him and a wicked smile was on his lips as he began to run his fingers over her slick lips. She parted her legs further finally giving him a look at what he had been wanting for so long. He teased her opening with the tip of one finger before sliding up and finding her sensitive bundle of nerves. All thoughts left Lena then and she moaned beneath his touch. Her cheeks were flushed and her muscles quivered. 

“Tell me what you want.” The demand fell from his lips and she wasn’t sure she could answer. Her brain had fizzled out at some point and she knew she could speak but couldn’t remember how to make her voice work. 

“I want you.” Finally she was able to whisper the words out and he growled then. His eyes had turned feral and he slid one finger fully inside her as his mouth came to rest on her clit. She was so wet and she tasted sweeter than he could have ever imagined. He started a rhythm his finger pumping in and out of her hitting a spot that seemed to make her pant and moan each time her touched it. His tongue pressed firmly on her clit as he worked it back and forth. Occasionally he would pressed his mouth to her and suck on the sensitive flesh which would make her cry out in pleasure. 

Lena could feel her climax building. She was climbing higher than she had ever been and every muscle in her body was tight. Her hands were fisted in his hair and he seemed to enjoy the slight sting of pain. His eyes were on hers as he watched her reaction to his attentions. He was like a man possessed as he took her with his mouth. He slid a second finger inside her stretching her for him. She was so close she could feel the precipice that she stood on and she knew she would only need a few more seconds before she fell off that edge. 

He sucked her into his mouth one more time and she felt herself flying. Her whole body shook with her orgasm and she cried his name out loudly as she tightened around his fingers. Her back arched and she pressed her head into the bed as her eyes closed. She did not know how long she was like that it could have been mere moments or an entire lifetime. Finally the trembling of her body slowed down and she attempted to pull away from his mouth her flesh too sensitive for him to continue torturing her. 

Cullen’s free arm wrapped firmly around her hips as he held her in place. He had no intentions of letting her go yet. Seeing her come for him had been the most wondrous thing he had ever witnessed and he wanted her to climax again before he let her go. He did slow his pace a little letting her recover before he began to speed up once again. 

Lena wasn’t sure she could stand it. For a few minutes it was all too much and she was begging him to stop. He ignored her pleas and she felt a familiar tightness growing in the pit of her stomach. Even in her best fantasies Cullen had never been like this. He seemed obsessed with making her come undone for him. 

Her second orgasm hit with less force though no less pleasure. Her skin was slick with sweat and Cullen watched as she trembled. He imagined how good it was going to feel to have her tighten like that around his cock. She was so wet for him and he knew he would enjoy sliding into her heat. He would never get enough of her. 

He pulled his fingers from her depths and allowed himself a few more laps to taste her cream. Her face held a look of complete bliss and he intended to replicate that look every chance he got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Blackwall *cries*. I thought it would be fun to incorporate a bit of his romance scene in even though it doesn't work out for him.   
> Just want to say thank you to everyone for the support the comments and the Kudos have been wonderful. I hope everyone enjoyed and more to come...literally


	8. PS I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut and a bit of Lena's past is revealed

Lena had never been so satisfied. She watched as Cullen stood up before slowly undoing the bindings of his pants. He watched her reaction as the material slid down his legs. She wanted to run her hands over the skin of his thighs but she was too boneless to do more than stare. His face held a half smile and she couldn’t help but gasp as he slid off his smalls and his erection sprang free. He was large and thick and she gave a wicked grin as she made future plans to torment his hardness with her mouth until he came for her. 

“Like what you see?” She nodded yes to his question and his hand stroked his impressive erection. The movement was slow and she whined as she watched him tease himself. She wanted to know what he felt like sliding inside her. She lifted her hand and motioned for him to join her. It was her turn to play the game. 

Cullen crawled onto the bed with her and lay beside her. Lena stroked her hands lightly over the tight muscles of his chest and stomach. She then raised her fingertips to his lips and lightly stroked over the soft skin. She traced the scar on his upper lip as his eyes closed and he smiled against her torment. 

She took his moment of distraction to quickly push him onto his back and crawl on top of him. Her hips straddled his and his hardness was so close to her wet opening. He was surprised and his eyes shot open and met the fiery passion of her gaze. She slid her wetness along his shaft and he moaned as she teased him. 

“Tell me what you want Commander.” Lena had never felt so wild, never wanted anyone as badly as she did Cullen in that moment. His chest heaved as he tried to maintain his control but she was determined to break his hold. There would be time later for soft and sweet but now she wanted him with every fiber of her being and there would be no holding back. 

“I…I want you.” His voice faltered and he actually blushed then as he shifted uncomfortably beneath her. It seemed his admission embarrassed him though it only served to fuel her desire. He looked away from her as if trying to hide his shame. Lena reached out and touched his cheek as she turned his face back to her. She never wanted him to be unsure around her. She would give him the confidence he lacked. 

“Do not look away from me Cullen. I want to see the bliss on your face as you slide into me. I want you to watch me come apart on top of you and be put back together with you cemented in every crevice of my heart.” His breath caught and his eyes grew wide as he reached up and placed his hand over her hand on his cheek. Her look was determined and unmoving as she watched him. She would not be ashamed of how she felt for him. 

He pulled her to him her sensitive nipples brushing his chest and sending heat straight to her core. His kiss was deep and she sucked his lower lip causing his erection to twitch against her. She giggled as she released him but the damage was done. The look in Cullen’s eyes was feral and his large hands roughly grabbed her hips. His fingers dug into her flesh and he growled as he tried to sink himself into her waiting warmth. Lena had finally broken him and she leaned up with a triumphant smile on her lips. 

The size of him was impressive and Lena slowing slid him inside her until she was fully seated onto him. He stretched her more fully than any man ever had and she watched as his eyes close and head leaned back against the bed. She started with slow strokes as she rode him her hands braced against his chest. 

Deciding to toy with him, she slid up him until he was completely out of her. His upper lip raised in a snarl and he tried to sink himself back into her. She only laughed as she held her body away from him. 

“I want you to touch me Cullen.” He seemed more than happy to comply and he moved his hands to her breasts. Her nipples hardened against his touch as he kneaded the tender flesh. Every stroke sent a shock wave to her sensitive bundle of nerves and she moaned as she slid back down onto his length. Her pace became faster, more furious and rougher as she panted. His hips rose to meet hers and she felt the tension building inside her. 

The Commander’s eyes were a dark golden color and the firelight seemed to dance in them as he watched her ride him. All thought had left him except her. He wanted to feel her shatter around him and then fill her with his seed. She was already so slick and warm but a primal need possessed him to make her his. 

He leaned up pulling her against his chest. She clung to his shoulders as he changed the angle of his thrusts. Her knees dug into the bed as he drove deeper into her. She had lost her rhythm for only a moment but then she seemed to find herself again. He kissed the skin of her chest as her hand went into his hair. Lena pulled his head back and crashed a kiss to his mouth. There was no softness left in her she was all want and desire and everything he had ever dreamed of. Her muscles quivered beneath his hands as he sought to touch every inch of her skin. He was barely holding of his release and his body begged him to give in. 

With a final loud cry she came around him. Her nails dug into the skin of his back and her eyes were closed as a blissful look seemed to take over her face. Cullen had never seen a more beautiful sight as he continued to thrust into her. He almost lost himself with the force of her orgasm but he held on by a thread. It was several moments before she seemed to come back to him and he felt the aftershocks of her pleasure pulsing around him. He slowed his pace lazily sliding in and out of her until she finished her descent. He was content to just hold her to him as she leaned her head on his shoulder. Her breathing was ragged and he traced lazy circles across her back. 

“That was amazing.” Lena was breathless as she spoke in a whisper and Cullen could not stop the grin that spread across his face. He chuckled a little as his fingers continued to tease her skin. As badly as his body demanded release he felt like he could stay like this forever and be happy. 

Lena wanted to stay like this just her and Cullen in this room without the Inquisition or Corypheus or any of the cares outside her door. She knew she was falling for him and she feared that a day would come where they would have to live a life without the other. 

She came back from her thoughts and started lightly running her lips over the skin on his neck. This was their moment and their time and she should not be worrying about anything else but seeing her Commander as blissful as she was. 

She pushed him back onto the bed and he rested his hands behind his head as he watched her. She knew it wouldn’t take much to push him over his own edge and she wanted to see him come apart more than anything. Her hand reached down to rub her sensitive bundle and his eyes widened as he watched her. 

“Do you like the Cullen? Do you like watching me ride you as I tease myself?” He seemed to have lost his voice and was only able to nod as she talked dirty to him. There was no starting slowly this time and her movements were rough against him. He slid so easily inside her wetness and his eyes closed as she saw the pulse in his neck thrum fast. She leaned down and sucked on his pulse drawing a deep moan from him. She continue to tease herself wanting to come with him. He was hitting the spot inside her that made her feel light headed and his thrusts were as desperate as hers. 

Cullen roared as he came deep inside her, his hands wrapping around her and grabbing onto her shoulders. He took all control away from her and forced her down onto him as he rutted against her. When he swelled inside her every thought left and she found herself milking his length as she came again. 

It was several long minutes before either of them spoke. She was content to lay her head on his chest as he toyed with her long braid. The only sound in the room was the fire cracking in the corner and the sounds of their slowing breathing. 

“I didn’t hurt you did I?” The question was soft from Cullen’s lips and Lena leaned up to look into his eyes. There was worry there but her brilliant smile seemed to ease his fears. 

“It was amazing Cullen. My shoulder and my body ache a little but it is the most wonderful ache. Did I hurt you?” The Commander shook his head no and she placed a soft kiss on his lips before settling back into bed. She found herself exhausted and all she wanted was to spend the rest of the night in her lover’s arms. It was not long before they both drifted off into a sound sleep. 

**********************************************

Something was wrong. Lena’s sleep fogged brain was slow to realize what was happening but someone in her bed was crying out and thrashing. It took a moment but the events from earlier in the night came rushing back to her. 

“Cullen. CULLEN!” She sat up and grabbed him as she tried to shake him awake. His nightmares were plaguing him again and she did not want to leave him there. He pushed against her and cried out for her not to hurt him. His brow was creased and he was sweating profusely. Lena was able to pin his arms down as she continued to call out to him. 

Cullen’s eyes shot open and he saw her face. He looked terrified and it took a moment for him to understand why Lena was looking at him with such concern. He then groaned as his closed his eyes and threw his head back against the pillow. He was embarrassed that she had seen him in such a state. 

“I’m sorry Lena I…” Her finger came to his lips and she silenced him. His eyes met hers as a sad smile graced her. She stroked his cheek as his pulse began to slow. She was able to calm him like no one else could and he was so thankful that she was his. 

“Never be sorry my dearest. You aren’t the only one with nightmares and there are going to be times I will need you to do the same for me.” Cullen was not the only one with secrets. Lena sighed as her mind was made up. She would tell him a little of her history and open a little more of herself up to him. There was no way she could go back to sleep now anyways. 

“There is a reason I chose to side with the mages, a reason that I was always so hostile towards you. As a rule I hate all Templars and anything to do with the Circle. When I was very young there was a boy named Richard who was my friend. His father owned lands next to my father and our families spent a lot of time together. Richard was a sweet boy, a second son who did not have the pressures of an heir. As we aged we grew closer and our fathers had hopes that we would marry. We were both more than happy with this arrangement. His father was a cold man but saw no reason why his less important son could not marry a bastard child like me.” Lena’s tone had grown harsh and her eyes cold the green deepening. Cullen listened quietly not happy about hearing of her previous love but knowing in his heart that it was long ago and he had her now. They had both lived lives before finding each other. 

“I knew Richard possessed magic. We used to sit beside my father’s pond and he would show me tricks he could do. His father tried very hard to keep the magic a secret but as often happens he was found out and the Templars came and took him away.” Lena was not going to cry. She had told no one this story and the only reason she revealed herself to Cullen was that she needed him to know everything. She needed to know she could trust him with her past. 

“I saw him a few years later in Ostwick. I was young and stupid and had some grand illusion that I was going to free him from his prison. There was no need though, I found him roaming the streets a placid smile on his face that I had only ever heard of but never seen.” A chill crossed Cullen’s skin and he reached out to hold her hand. She seemed grateful for the comfort. Her knees had drawn to her chest and she was hugging herself as she spoke. The Commander already knew what had happened to the boy. 

“My poor Richard had a note in his hand. It was written to me and seemed to have been completed before he was made Tranquil. In it he professed a love so great that he had volunteered to be made Tranquil so he could return to my side. It was not the same though, the boy I had loved was gone and a shell replaced him. I debated on killing him to end his suffering but instead sent him somewhere I knew he would be safe.” The tears had started to fall and her voice broke more than once. Her body shook and Cullen had wrapped himself around her. He hated to see her crying like this but she took a deep breath and continued. 

“I suppose you heard about the murder of the Knight Commander in Ostwick?” Cullen sucked in a breath as he understood the meaning in her words. He was shocked to say the least. The murder had been widely talked about while he was in Kirkwall’s Circle but the murderer had never been found despite their best efforts. 

“I was so angry. I attempted to burn down the Chantry and when that failed I caught that bastard in the streets. He had been the one to personally come and collect Richard and hate filled me as I saw him that night. He thought I was nothing more than a street whore and offered me coin for my time. It wasn’t hard to lead him down a back ally and have him remove his armor. He never even screamed when the knife sliced his throat.” She wouldn’t look at him. She couldn’t look at him. It could have been Cullen that she killed that night. Even though the Ostwick Knight Commander had been a cruel brutal man who wasn’t missed she would have killed any Templar she saw that night. 

“I left then. I ran away joined a company of sell swords and never saw my family again. I wonder if they even know I am still alive. Now you know what I really am and I’m sure you are just thrilled to be laying in the same bed as a Templar murderer.” The fight dropped from her and her shoulders slumped. Her eyes were red rimmed as her head laid against her knees. She regarded him with caution but his mind was already set. 

“You told me once to leave the past behind me and start fresh. We both have demons but nothing will change what I feel. I love you Lena.” She froze as he admitted his love for her. Her entire body went ridged and he waited holding his breath. He rubbed the back of his neck as an uncomfortable silence filled the space around them. She finally turned to him her head resting against his chest as she stroked the skin there. 

“And I love you my dearest Cullen you and you alone. Even if you were a damn Templar.” Lena said the last part with a giggle and reached up to pull him down into a kiss. Many more followed and after another round of love making the two drifted off into a sleep that was thankfully dreamless for them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took me a week to update work has been crazy busy. I hope everyone enjoys. I know I went a good bit off canon but this is my work so meh. Special thanks to everyone who has left kudos and comments love you all. The next few chapters will be about Cullen/Lena and Varric/Cass. If anyone wants to see some Bull/Dorian action better speak up or I will leave them in the background for now. Also be on the look out for a hawke you know those things can pop up anywhere *wink* *wink*  
> Also seriously do you think the Quiz would have taken it laying on her back? Nah she would have been the one in control


	9. Peaches and Hawkes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite scenes from DA:I. More miscommunication about Lena's private life and one epic fight. Is this the end of Lena's days as Inquisitor?

The knocking was loud at the door to her room. Lena rolled over her body gloriously sore and groaned at the intruder. The sun was not yet completely over the mountains and the night had been long. Why in the Maker’s name could people not let her get some sleep? 

She reached out to find Cullen gone, though the sheets were still warm where he had been beside her. Her entire bed smelled of him and she wanted to bury herself into that scent and never leave it. He smelled of fire on the coldest nights and she debated throwing an ax at her door as another loud knock came. 

“Peaches get up!” For Maker’s sake it was Varric! Why did he have to call her that ridiculous nickname? He had said it was because her cheeks were soft and round and she was sweet like a peach. Lena however knew he was full of nug dung. 

“What in the Holy Andraste’s name do you want Shaggy?” The first time she had called him that Varric nearly fell down laughing. ‘Peaches’ wasn’t exactly a name she wanted to be called and so she returned the favor. To be fair, his long hair and scruff did give credit to the name. 

Lena heard his low lough from outside the door and she finally pushed the covers back as she crawled out of bed. Her legs were stiff and it took several steps for her to be able to properly walk. The stone floor was cold beneath her feet and she shivered as she thought again about her warm bed. 

“My friend arrived early this morning and he wants to meet you on the battlements as soon as possible.” Lena gave a gasp as she realized she had completely forgotten about Varric’s friend who supposedly had some inside dirt on Corypheus. She quickly cleaned herself up from the night before and left her hair down. Hopefully it would hide any marks that Cullen had left on her skin. Frantically she threw clothes around her room until she found something that looked clean, or at least didn’t have a blood stain and the smell of spider ichor on it. 

Dressing quickly was a specialty of Lena’s and she was ready in a few minutes. She sprayed some concoction on herself that smelled like a mix between Prophet’s Laurel and bear grease. Josie swore it was the latest in Antivan fashion and had given it to her as a gift. Lena’s thought it a ghastly mix but hopefully it would cover the scent of her night that was still fresh on her skin. 

She opened the door to see Varric standing there a smile on his face. He tried to peek around her into her room but she shut the door behind her. Damn perceptive dwarf he must have known something had happened. She school her expression to one of blank indifference. 

“Can I help you?” Lena let the edge in her voice drip through like a dagger and her eyes were hard. She stared at the dwarf and he threw his hands up as a defensive look crossed his face. 

“Just saw a certain Bear leaving your room late last night. I was wondering why he didn’t stay when you look like such a satisfied woman.” Lena groaned. This was just great if Varric saw Blackwall leaving her room last night then it would be all over the stronghold by lunch. Even though she and Cullen both knew the truth the rumors were going to make life unbearable for everyone involved. Poor Blackwall this was going to hurt him the worst. 

“It was nothing Varric but thank you for taking such a keen interest in my personal life.” She kept her tone even as she began to walk down the stairs away from her room. She debated throwing him over the railing but barely restrained herself. 

“Whatever you say Peaches, whatever you say.” 

*************************************************

Lena had never met Hawke before but he was pretty close to what Varric had described even with the dwarf’s habit of over exaggerating. Ruggedly handsome, strong, bold, a truer champion than any chevalier and Lena had to remind herself a few times that she was already spoken for by an equally dashing man. However she couldn’t keep the wicked thoughts from crossing her mind of having both men at the same time. She knew Cullen was no saint in the bedroom but she was pretty sure something so risqué would shock her Commander. There were some parts of her past she felt best to leave in the dark. 

By the grace of the Maker she had been able to listen to Hawke’s words and make some sort of intelligent conversation. She had much to think about as she made her way across the courtyard. She had walked the battlements for a while contemplating her next move. There was so much to do in the Inquisition and she was having a hard time balancing it all. There were Red Templars to hunt, Venatori to stop, and now the Grey Wardens maybe in league with Corypheus. There were also talks of an assassination attempt on the Empress though Lena was much less concerned about that then Josie seemed to be. Orlais had offered little in the way of support for the Inquisition’s cause and though stopping a plot on Celene’s life would change that, Lena thought Gaspard would possibly make the better ally. She personally wanted to hunt more dragons and continue exploring the wilds but no one seemed to care about her opinion. 

“So many choices.” She growled in frustration as she walked past the armory. She was almost too distracted to hear the sounds coming from inside. Someone was yelling and she heard a crashing sound. Great now the soldiers were at it again probably fighting over something ridiculous like Orlais being better than Ferelden. That seemed to be the most common fight in the barracks even though it was stupid. They should all be united in their fight against Corypheus. 

Lena opened the door and froze. Cassandra had Varric pinned onto a table and he was attempting to push her off him. She had never seen the Seeker so angry. Marker’s balls Leliana had been right. 

**********************************************

“You knew where Hawke was all along.” Cassandra felt hurt, betrayed beyond anything she had ever known before. Varric had sworn he couldn’t find Hawke. They had needed him so much when Most Holy had instructed her and Leliana to start the Inquisition. If he would lie about something so important she was sure his lies extended further. 

“You’re damn right I did.” Varric looked defiantly at her. Somehow his open admission of lying to her cut her deeper. She would have cried if she hadn’t wanted to wring his neck. She had ate his story up like the greatest fool. 

“You conniving little shit.” Cassandra swung at him then. He was fast and ducked under her blow dancing out of her reach. He hid on the other side of the table as far away from her and as close to Lena as he could get. Many other choice words came to her mind but he cut her off before she could speak. 

“You kidnapped me. You interrogated me what did you expect?” So that’s how he really saw her? She was his captor and he had been playing her in hopes to free himself. She had almost fallen for him and his pretty words, almost believed that he could care for her. He had made her feel special. Damn him, damn him and the moment she had ever met him. 

“Hey enough!” Lena stepped in between the two. Cassandra had been about to make another dash at him but stopped herself from knocking over the Inquisitor to get to the weasel on the other side of the table. 

“You’re taking his side?” The Seeker could not believe it. Not only had Varric betrayed her but her friend seemed to agree with him. How dare she? Cassandra was unable to hold back the accusing tone in her voice. Would her torment ever end? 

“I said enough!” Lena was almost yelling as she looked between the two. Varric had his arms across his chest and a triumphant smile was on his lips. Every muscle in Cassandra’s body trembled under the weight of her fury. 

“We needed someone to lead this Inquisition. First Leliana and I searched for the Hero of Ferelden but she had vanished. Then we looked for Hawke but he was gone too. We thought it all connected but no it was just you. You kept him from us.” She pointed an accusing finger at Varric. She had been so intent on her anger for him that when she finally looked at the Inquisitor she noticed silently contained rage behind the green eyes. They seemed to bore into her and she looked away. Cassandra regretted angering Lena but she would not back down. Varric was wrong and Lena had to see that. 

“The Inquisition has a leader.” Varric pointed to Lena even though the Inquisitor’s face remained neutral. 

“Hawke would have been at the Conclave. If anyone could have saved Most Holy…” Cassandra let the words trail off. She had lost her leader, a friend, and her entire way of life. Her world had been turned on its axis and it was all that little shit’s fault. She had almost let him do it again but she would never fall for his tricks. Why could Lena not see what Varric really was? Oh Maker preserve her maybe the dwarf had been writing poetry to more than just her. 

“Varric’s not responsible for what happened at the Conclave.” Oh no he had gotten to her too. Lena had not been with them then. She had not known Most Holy and seemed not to understand how greatly the Divine’s death altered much for all of Thedas. 

“I was protecting my friend.” Still he tried to justify himself. His eyes pleaded with Cassandra to understand but she felt no pity inside. Her heart had turned to cold steel and she only wished she could run him through with it. Her kin burned hot and her cheeks were flushed. Her heart pounded in her chest. 

“Varric is a liar Inquisitor and a snake. Even after the Conclave when we needed Hawke most Varric kept him a secret.” Cassandra’s voice had gotten lower and more deadly. Her eyes narrowed towards him as she approached Lena and spoke. This was her last effort to make the other woman see reason. 

“He’s with us now. We’re on the same side.” Varric’s voice in contrast had gotten louder and strong as he replied to her accusations. 

“We all know whose side you’re on Varric and it will never be the Inquisition’s.” She stepped back throwing her hands up as she mocked him. She spat the words out. She had to put distance between them before she completely lost herself to her emotions. Usually she was so in control but no one could anger her like that stupid dwarf. 

“Attacking him now won’t help us Cassandra. However I am glad to know what you think of me as the Inquisitor. I am sorry I have disappointed and wasn’t your first choice. I am sorry Most Holy is dead and you are now stuck with me. Hawke can be found on the battlements. You can speak to him yourself while I call a war council to announce my resignation. You have who you really wanted and I no longer have to play puppet.” Cassandra was surprised. She took a step back from Lena her mouth falling open at the woman’s words. The strong leader she knew was gone and now before her was some defeated. Lena's shoulders slumped as she stared at the floor. That was not what she had meant. Understanding began to register in Cassandra’s mind. Lena’s declaration had cut through the anger like a knife and now the Seeker could see clearly. 

Yes she was angry for having believed Varric but it was her feelings for him that had led to the betrayal cutting so deeply. It was as much her fault as any. She had not told the dwarf of why they needed Hawke, of what importance he was and what difference he could have made. Hawke would have probably not even accepted the role of Inquisitor and now she had insulted the one person who held them all together. Had she really believed in her mind that Varric had been romancing Lena? Lena was not the type to fall for just anything and besides words of Blackwall’s late night in her friend’s room had already reached her ears. Maker forgive her because she wasn’t sure Lena would. 

“Lena I didn’t mean…I’m sorry.” This was as much about Cassandra’s anger with herself as it was anything and she had taken it out on the wrong people. She had been so wrong. Varric didn’t lie to her to hurt her but instead did it to protect a friend who he saw as in danger. If she would have been more careful or smarter maybe things would have been different. She was the only failure in the room and the hurt looks on her companions’ faces made it clear that she was the fool. 

“I don’t deserve to be here. I want you to know I have no regrets. If I have learned anything it’s that I know less than nothing.” Cassandra’s voice was quiet as she clasped her hands in front of her. She shifted uncomfortably as she tried to take back her words. She knew as well as any though that once words were spoken aloud there was no making them disappear. 

“Save it Cassandra we are done here.” Lena turned around swiftly and took long strides back to the door. Varric followed behind though he was unable to keep up with her pace. When he reached the door he paused and threw one long last look at the Seeker. 

“You know what I think? If Hawke would have been at the temple he would be dead too. You people have done enough to him and now you have ruined another. Do you ever stop tormenting good people?” With those words he slammed the door behind him and Cassandra was left alone. What had she done? She had destroyed a friendship and lost the man who meant most to her. To top it off now the Inquisition would be without the leader who had brought them all so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I love this scene but hate the way it is done in game. The dialogue and interaction is mostly straight from the game with my own twist. Seriously Cassandra openly insults the Quiz in every way possible and then the Quiz acts like it's no big deal. Not no but hell no Lena would never take that off anyone even our beloved Commander.   
> Also I am making my story more interactive. Comment on the next few chapters where you want to see the Quiz go next. She can either complete one of these quests: Here Lies the Abyss, Wicked Eyes and Wicked hearts, or Before the Dawn. A fourth option is to have her go back into the wilds mostly likely to the Exalted Plains to meet the elves and clear out undead or Emprise du Lion to meet the dashing Michel de Chevin and defeat Ishmael. Eventually all of these will play into my story but I want me readers to get to pick the order in which we go.


	10. V is for Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena decides whether to continue being Inquisitor or to step down. Some fluff with our favorite commander and some fun in the middle. Also the rumors fly surrounding Blackwall and Lena and our Quiz accidentally let's something slip that she shouldn't

“You have a shield USE IT!” Cullen yelled at a fresh batch of recruits that had come in a few days ago. Most of what the Inquisition received were farmers, beggars, and general refugees but he was determined to train them into the finest company ever seen in Ferelden or Orlais. His men thought him harsh but he had already turned out several fine companies of soldiers and he knew his men would thank him later. 

“Good block Thompson. Now counter while he’s off balance.” The Commander walked around the training yard giving instructions and encouragement where it was due. One day these soldiers would be protecting them all, and most importantly protecting her. He would not see her sacrifice herself again due to his inability to be prepared. He took full responsibility for her near death experience and his thoughts drifted back to that night in Haven as he watched the troops train. 

_Lena looked so beautiful. She was sharing a dance with Bull and was happy as she celebrated. Cullen smiled to himself as he watched her, taking delight in seeing her so carefree after her ordeal. This was her moment of victory and he was happy to quietly observe from the shadows. He had held his feelings in check fearing that she would not survive closing the Breach. Now though he entertained thoughts of what they would do with their task completed._

_Her face turned to horror as the bells rang and she saw the armies approaching. Cullen started running trying to ready the troops for the assault to come. Naturally she rushed right into the thick of battle and he lost sight of her. It was he who came up with the plan to send her out there to defend them and he would never forgive himself for that. She saved so many and yet so many were lost that day._

_He had wanted to kiss her as she said goodbye in the Chantry. He hated thinking she could die out there. He had wanted to follow her but knew she would never agree. She would want him to protect the people and he carried out his mission faithfully though he prayed to the Maker that she would return to him. He clung to that hope as he saw the mountain fall down on top of her._

_Cullen watched for hours at the edge of their camp in the snow. He was exhausted but could not rest. They had left markers for her to follow them but it was so cold. His heart beat quickened when he saw her form and he ran to her side. He had carried her down that mountain and he vowed to never let her be a martyr again._

“Again Thompson hit him like you mean it!” Cullen barked out orders as he returned to the present. It was nearing time for training to end and he was sure Lena would be calling a war council soon. Word had spread quickly of Hawke’s arrival in Skyhold. He himself had seen her up there talking to the man. His past with Hawke was not exactly pleasant but he trusted the man to give them the information they needed. While he blamed the Champion for the mage rebellion, Cullen knew that he was worthy of respect. 

“That enough for now. Get some rest and food. We meet again in two hours.” He heard a chorus of groans from the men but he was unyielding. He turned from the training yard and started heading for the war room. He passed two women near the stairs and paused to listen when he heard them talking about the Inquisitor. 

“Why yes Warden Blackwall. Such a dashing man. She could not have picked better.” The two women giggled to each other as they spoke. Cullen felt himself stiffen and his face go blank. Surely they were not talking about Lena. 

“They say he was seen leaving her private chambers late last night. What I wouldn’t give to see the sword he keeps under his belt.” More laughs and he headed off. While Cullen knew the truth and knew their secret was safe, it still set him on edge to know the whole of Skyhold was gossiping about his woman with another. He needed to see her. He needed her to soothe the old fears with her words and her love. 

By the Maker he still couldn’t believe last night was real. He loved her and she returned that love. It was a dream he never thought to come true. He would not have believed it if he had not woken before the sun and seen her quiet form beside him. He had wanted to stay by her side but knew too many eyes would be watching if he did not leave. He could still smell her on his skin and hear her voice as she told him she loved him. He had been mostly successful at keeping his thoughts away from the more intimate parts of their night. It would not be fitting for the troops to see him in such a state if he let his thoughts wandered there. 

When he reached the main hall he saw her standing in the doorway that led down to the War Room. She cast a look his way and he almost froze at the anger on her face. Her muscles were shaking and she looked like she was trying to stop from crying. His strides were hurried as his legs ate up the space between them. She ducked into the hall and took a left when she reached Josephine’s study. He was right behind her and was glad to see the Ambassador was absent from her office. He finally caught Lena on the empty staircase as the door closed behind them. 

Lena threw herself into his arms. Cullen held her closed as the tears started to fall. He wanted to make it all stop. He did not know who had hurt her but he swore vengeance on them for making his love so upset. He had never been good at comforting women so he stayed quiet and stroked her back as he kissed the top of her head. 

After several minutes she hiccuped as she pulled away from him. Her eyes were red and her face flushed. He saw her lower lip trembling as she wiped her tears away. He would not let her get too far though and his arms were still protectively around her hips ready to pull her back to him if the crying started again. 

“My love talk to me.” He pleaded with her as she rested her head against the cold steel of his armor. Her raven dark hair brushed the underside of his chin and he rested it on top of her head. He worked slow circles in the muscles of her back and he felt some of her tension ease as they stood there on the dark staircase. 

“Hawke…he…” Lena tried to talk as the tears started again. Cullen felt hate and anger flare up in him. Damn Varric for bringing Hawke to them. He would kill them both if Hawke did this to her. He had never seen her look so helpless and it was a bit unsettling to see his strong warrior reduced to this. 

“He’sgoingtobethenewInquisitor.” The words came out in a rush and the Commander was not sure he had heard her properly. There was no way he would allow anyone to replace her. She had led them through so much and Andraste herself had sent Lena to be her Herald and a guide for them all. Nothing would change that in his mind. 

“Don’t be ridiculous Hawke isn’t taking your place.” Cullen attempted to keep his tone soothing. He did not want to insult her but whoever had put this idea into her head was mad. This was probably that dwarf’s doing. He had told Cassandra to kill him when he would not give them the information they needed. Of course she had not listened to reason. 

“Yes he is Cullen.” Lena pulled fully away from him and turned so he could not see her face. She hugged herself and took several deep breaths as if trying to steady herself. He mourned the loss of contact with her but gave her space as he wracked his brain for something to say that would make her understand. 

“We need you Lena. You are the only one who can close the rifts, the one who led us to Skyhold, the savior of the Inquisition and the Herald of Andraste. Hawke cannot fill that role no matter what anyone says.” She turned to him then her face contorted with a look akin to hate. He steeled himself for whatever anger she had. He preferred her anger to her tears. 

“So that’s what it is then? I’m just a puppet to you too? Let me guess they sent you to screw me so I would shut up and do what I was told? A nice distraction for the Herald or maybe a prize for being a good girl?” Lena did not yell though he wished she had. Her voice had been cold and sliced through him like a dagger. When her green eyes met his they seemed lit with an unearthly fire and the Mark on her hand glowed bright sending lighting across her skin. He tried to check his own anger. He knew this was not her. Whatever had happened had caused this pain inside her and she was lashing out at the only person standing near. He just prayed he could hold his hurt in and not do the same to her. 

“That is not true and you know it. I love you. I have for a long time. You are all the things I mentioned but foremost you are the woman I love. Please just talk to me tell me what has happened.” Cullen reached his hand to her. She seemed to debate for a moment and just stared at his outstretched hand. He fought the urge to pull his hand back and nervously rub his neck. She looked so small hidden in shadows only lit by the glow of her power. He was not sure she would join him but finally she reached out to him and took his hand. She did not come any closer though and seemed to need the distance to steady whatever thoughts were inside her. 

“I’m sorry Cullen you’re right that isn’t true. I love you too but I will still step down as Inquisitor. However I will continue to serve in whatever way I am needed.” Cullen was not going to give up on her so easily but he stayed silent as she told him of all that had happened that day. 

********************************************

Lena truly felt sorry for lashing out at him. She knew he loved her but he was not the only one with insecurities. Her greatest fear was finding out that it was all a lie and that he was just placating her until she was done fulfilling her duty. The two sides warred within her but every moment with him seemed to strengthen the love over the fear. Lena knew that Cullen was not the kind of man to toy with her. He had been tormented enough in his life to not torment another. 

Her Mark quieted as she spoke and she told him of her meeting with Hawke and then the fight between Varric and Cassandra. As always, his face betrayed none of his emotions. By the time she was done she felt drained of all energy and found herself again in his arms clinging to his strength. He held her gently as he let it all sink in. A few moments later he finally spoke and she was content to listen to the sound of his voice. 

“Cassandra was wrong to say those things. Yes in the early days we looked for a leader but the Maker knew what we really needed. Like children we thought we knew best but He knew that you were the solution. No one could have taken your place then just as no one can take it now. You forget I know Hawke and I was not in agreeance when Leliana and Cassandra wanted him to be Inquisitor. I will never regret the path we have taken because it has led to a happiness I never knew I could have. You believe this is true don’t you?” Lena was so in awe of his conviction. Cullen was a man unwavering and she drew from his strength. She believed in the Maker even if she was not as dutiful in her beliefs. 

Lena nodded her response not trusting her voice. She choose in this moment to have faith that this was her purpose. The other option was not an inviting one and Lena preferred the thought that there are no accidents. The Maker had set her on this path and she would see it through to the end. She would kill Corypheus and stop him from destroying the world. 

“Good. I will never lose faith in you Lena. We are all behind you.” Cullen took her chin in his hand as he tilted her face up to him. He kissed her softly and she sighed from the contact. It seemed like ages since she had felt his lips on hers though truly it had only been a few hours. When he pulled back she felt the deep rumble in his chest as he laughed. 

“Besides, I think Cassandra’s anger was more of a lover scorned and you just happened to catch part of it. I have been watching the way she and Varric have been acting lately and I am sure finding out he was lying to her made her upset for more than plutonic reasons. Not to mention that the death of the Divine has greatly affected both the Seeker and the Nightingale.” Lena’s eyes got big as she looked up at Cullen. He had known that there was something going on between her friends and had not told her? She thought about being angry with him but she was too distracted by what he had just said. 

“Wait what? Varric and Cassandra? Really? Oh this is too good….” She rubbed her hands together as thoughts began to form. Schemes were already starting in her head of ways to get the two closer together. Luckily her Commander was there to intercept her before she could run off. 

“My love remember we do not want anyone interfering with us I think Cassandra and Varric would want the same.” Cullen tried to make her listen to him but it was too late. If they wanted privacy they should have been better about keeping it a secret. Lena was going to thoroughly enjoy this. 

“Come Commander we have a War Council to attend and then you have to get back to training.” Lena flashed him a mischievous smile and he groaned as they made their way back up the stairs. 

***********************************************

Leliana and Josephine had been waiting in the War Room for the two of them. The meeting was mostly uneventful as they all agreed the best course of action was for Lena to leave in two days with Blackwall, Dorian, and Varric and head to Crestwood. He only wished she would take more time to rest after her injuries but she would not hear of it. She said her shoulder felt fine and then promptly told him to mind his own business. Cullen was sure her choosing Varric to go with her was for more reasons that just that he was Hawke’s friend. He almost regretted telling her about Cassandra and Varric but he had been trying to comfort her. He should have just kept his words to himself. 

He wasn’t exactly pleased at her choosing Blackwall to go either. This was a Warden matter and he knew inside that Blackwall needed to go but he did not like the idea of the two of them on the road together. Cullen hoped for the man’s sake that he kept his hands to himself because if not Cullen was likely to kill him and be done with it all. 

Leliana and Josephine had turned away from Lena and were discussing preparations for the troops when he looked Lena’s direction. His eyes got wide and his mouth almost fell open as he saw what she was doing. She had made a V with her fingers and her tongue shot between them in a gesture that he understood all too well. He felt heat begin to rise in his cheeks and she actually giggled in front of everyone. The other two women turned to her and looked between the two but the Inquisitor was too busy holding her sides from her laughter. Cullen fought down the urge to drag her across the table and do exactly what she had gestured. 

“I assume we missed something.” Leliana’s smooth voice spoke up and Josephine looked confused as she tried to figure out what had happened. Cullen turned away from him and found himself very interested in the bricks that made up the wall. 

“So sorry just sending our Commander a little rude gesture. I’m still quite angry with him but felt the need to lighten the mood.” Lena’s giggles were finally under control but Cullen refused to turn around. He was fighting against the growing hardness in his pants and was trying to think of anything else besides her naked on the war table beneath him. He would punish her later for doing this to him but right now he would avoid thinking of what her punishment would be. He did not need to make the problem worse. 

“Well then if that is all I think we can call this Council to a close. Oh and Inquisitor congratulations. You seem to have good taste in handsome men, though I fear if the Wardens are involved with Corypheus it may cause you problems.” Josephine’s words were enough to take his mind somewhere else. He turned around quickly but his eyes met Lena’s and he caught the subtle hint she threw him. He barely restrained himself from giving them both away. 

“Thank you Josie but I am afraid the rumors are untrue. Varric has just been telling wild stories again.” Lena smiled at the Ambassador as she tried to brush off the topic. He knew she was trying to spare the Warden’s feelings by not revealing her rejection of him though it would make Cullen a lot happier if she did. Josephine seemed abashed at her words and her face fell but then Leliana stepped in. 

“Of course you don’t want everyone knowing and we respect that. Just be careful Inquisitor. We do not know what trouble lies ahead.” With those words both Leliana and Josephine nodded to her before turning to leave. Lena was deeply blushing and he was sure the women would misinterpret that as they were doing everything else. She met his eyes and shrugged her shoulders as they too headed out of the war room. She placed her hand in his briefly as they left. It was her small way of reassuring him. He looked forward to the next time Blackwall wanted to spar with him. 

************************************

Lena made her way down to the stables. She had to talk to him before they left. She felt so guilty for the rumors even though she knew it was not her fault. She thought about hurting Varric more than once as she made her way to Blackwall. 

She found him working on the rocking horse as he usually was. His face held determination and she stood there for several moments unsure of what to say. He finally put down his tools and turned to her as he wiped his hands on his pants. 

“If we keep meeting in secret the rumors will only get worse. I’m sure your lover wouldn’t approve.” Blackwall wasn’t accusing but there was pain in his voice and Lena felt her heart break for him. She walked over to him and shuffled her feet uncomfortably. He was a handsome man and would be a man any lady could be proud of. She should not feel guilty for loving Cullen but in this moment she did. 

“I only wanted to tell you I am sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I feel like this is all my fault.” She needed his forgiveness. It was going to be a long journey to Crestwood and she did not want this hanging in the air between them. He finally looked up to meet her gaze and she hated the hurt she saw there. 

“It’s not your fault I was foolish to think someone like you could want me.” Lena grabbed his hand then. She held it between two of her own and tried to comfort him. 

“You are a good man and more than deserving of me or any woman. If things were different I would have been honored to be your lady. It just that Cullen…” As soon as she said his name she froze. She cursed herself for saying it out loud. She hadn’t meant to let it slip but now the secret was out. She turned in frustration and started to pace as she groaned. A look of recognition crossed Blackwall’s features as he realized what she had indicated. 

“I understand and don’t worry my lady your secret is safe. The Commander is a good man and if it couldn’t be me I am glad it was him.” Lena stopped her furious pacing and silently thanked the Maker that she had let her secret slip to the one man in Skyhold who could be trusted to keep silent. She ran and quickly hugged the Warden before she remembered herself. She beamed a smile at him that he slowly returned. 

“Thank you so much you have no idea what this means to us. As you know the rumors can be so vicious. I promise to repay you. Maybe another lady will catch your eye and I can steer her towards you." Lena was over joyed but serious in her remarks. If it was within her power she would see Blackwall as happy as she was. Just because fate had not seen fit to match her with him did not mean that other suitable ladies wouldn’t take an interest. 

“I think I will stay out of any romances for a while. I seem to have bad luck with them. For now I am glad to go with you to Crestwood. It will be nice to get away from everyone for a while. I keep telling them there is nothing between us but no one listens.” Of course Lena was in no way discouraged by his words. She was already making a list of eligible ladies in her head and only half listened to him. 

“Don’t worry while I am telling everyone that there is nothing between us I refuse to let them know the whole truth. I would never subject you to that sort of ridicule.” Blackwall only nodded at her words as he turned back to his work. Lena almost danced out of the stable intent on scouring the fortress for any lady that would fit her ideal type for Blackwall. She was determined to be the match maker extraordinaire for all of her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew that was a long one. I never was good at being short winded. Of course between demon killing and world saving why wouldn't the Inquisitor fill her time with setting up all of her friends with partners? Seems like a perfect way to keep herself occupied.   
> Hope everyone is enjoying the ride because it get more bumpy as we tag along. Special thanks to coffee_maker my number 1 fan (even though I denied her the Cass/Varric love this chapter) and to everyone else who leaves kudos and comments. I try to respond to everyone and as always I take requests. 
> 
> Much Love SS


	11. They Say That Time's Supposed to Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra and Varric plus a small Lena cameo. Lots of fluff a little smut. My short chapter for coffee_maker turned into a drawn out affair

Cassandra looked everywhere for him. He was not at his usual post by the fire. He was also absent from the tavern and was nowhere near the courtyard. She was desperate in her search. She had heard that in two days he would be leaving for Crestwood and she had to apologize before then. She knew it would take more than that to mend what had been broken but she could not think of him out there in the wilds without her at least trying to make amends. 

Finally, she found him in the garden. He was standing next to one of the Inquisitor’s Embrium plants and was staring at it intently with a sad look on his face. She walked slowly up to him and took her place at his side. He never looked away from the flower as he spoke. 

“This is my favorite one. They are so beautiful and remind me so much of you. All fire inside but also so soft to touch. Sometimes I come here and looked at this flower for hours and think of you. This flower has given me more inspiration for writing than anything else in my life.” Cassandra felt her breath catch as she looked at him. She was so ashamed of her earlier actions but even when he should be angry with her he complimented her. She would set things right even If it was the last thing she did. 

“Varric I am terrible at words. I do not possess your skill but know I am sorry.” The dwarf finally turned to her. He did not meet her gaze but instead stared at the ground as he continued to speak. She wanted to reach out and touch him but she was so unsure of herself and did not want to make the wrong move. 

“When you captured me all I wanted was out. After spending time with you though I found myself wanting to stay. I joined this Inquisition willingly because of you. I will not be sorry for hiding Hawke from you because he is my friend and he has suffered enough. I am sorry though that it hurt you. Know that if it would have been Hawke looking for you I would have never given you up either.” She understood that now. She knew he had not meant to hurt her. Cassandra had been childish and it was wrong. She was not used to having these feelings for another and it seemed they had a long way to go. 

“I know that Varric. I was angry and I hurt you and Lena. Please forgive me.” Her voice was soft as she begged his forgiveness. Varric finally looked up his warm brown eyes meeting her hazel ones. He gave her a weak smile and reached out for her hand. The hand that took hers was rough but she lost all thought as he placed a gentle kiss to the inside of her wrist. 

“I forgive you Seeker though I need some time. There are some wounds that aren’t healed with a simple apology.” Cassandra nodded to his words. Hopefully his travels into Crestwood would give him the space he needed. She turned to leave him but his hold on her wrist grew tight. Varric turned her back to him and she gasped as he caught her in his arms. He reached up cupping the back of her neck and guided her face to his. She gladly followed his move and their lips met in a simple soft kiss. Her eyes closed and she wanted to be lost in this moment forever. The moment was short though and he released her as he flashed her his signature half smile. 

“Don’t worry though I am not done chasing you yet.” Cassandra’s face lit up and she nodded to him. She then turned to leave and let him be alone with his thoughts. As she walked away she started thinking of ways to surprise him before he left for his journey. She had never seen herself as very good at being romantic but she had read enough books that she was bound to come up with something. 

*********************************

As luck would have it Lena ran into Cassandra in the courtyard after leaving Blackwall. She had been the Inquisitor’s next target. She hated leaving loose ends whenever she went on a mission and Cass had been the first one to support her 100%. Lena wanted to reconcile with her friend. 

“Cassandra!” She called her name and the Seeker turned and waited for Lena to catch up. She noticed that her friend looked slightly flustered and she wondered if there had already been a secret meeting with Varric. 

“So…seen any good dwarves lately?” The surprise on Cassandra’s face explained it all. She had been to see Varric and judging by her distracted look things had gone well. Lena practically beamed like a candle and the Seeker tried to hide the red on her cheeks. 

“By the way I’m over our little spat earlier hopefully you and Varric are too. So let’s get this show on the road.” Lena started to lead her away from the main courtyard and Cass seemed too shocked to protest. She led them over by the training dummies where the Seeker was often found and plopped down on the ground motioning for the other woman to follow. 

“Wait so you are not resigning?” Lena knew Cass had not approached Hawke and had never had any intentions to. She waved the words off as her friend sat down beside her. Lena notice Cass’s slightly swollen lips and made an internal note about that one for later. 

“Of course not now we have more serious matters to discuss than that. You know women we are impulsive and get angry but as I said I’m not mad anymore. I know you were just upset at Varric though he really didn’t deserve it either. Lover’s quarrels and all.” Lena was getting more and more excited and was talking in very hurried sentences. Her arms were waving in wild gestures as she spoke. Cassandra just looked at a loss for words, like she was just holding onto a wild halla and being drug along for the ride. Lena laughed at the mental picture briefly before stopping herself. The other woman probably thought her mad but was trying to keep a neutral expression. 

“So luckily I have a plan for how you can make things up to Mr. Short, blonde, and handsome. You can thank me later.” The Seeker did not look happy at first but as Lena laid out her plan she began to nod in agreement. It really was brilliant though Cass would never let Lena know that. 

*********************************

It had been a long day for Varric. He decided to go down to the tavern and have a bit of fun. All too soon he would be leaving and he was already starting to miss the Seeker. He had never expected his affections to grow so deep. As she had questioned him he noticed how her hazel eyes danced as he told his story. She seemed to thoroughly enjoy it and he found himself wanting to tell her every story he knew. It wasn’t just that she was so beautiful. She was a warrior hard on the outside but he sensed that softness in her. He wanted to bring that softness out and bask in its glory. She did not know it but she had been his inspiration for months. Those idiots in Kirkwall were paying him premium for his latest works and it was all because of her. 

The fight earlier had truly wounded him. The words could not be taken back and her anger had been harsher than he had ever seen. Usually he enjoyed their spats but this had been so much more. In the future they would need to have a talk about physical violence and how it only belonged in the bedroom. 

He paused as that thought took hold of him. He could see it now, her surrounded by moonlight on the forest floor. Every inch of her skin bare to him as he explored her. He knew she was not very experienced in physical relationships and he wanted to show her every pleasure there was. He could hear her voice begging him not to stop. 

Varric almost ran into the scaffolding in the main hall as he lost himself in his fantasy. Luckily at the last moment he caught himself. It would be embarrassing to be knocked out because he wasn’t paying attention to where he was walking. It was that distraction thought that made him notice that someone had left a note in his chair. It was probably another letter from Kirkwall but his interest was piqued and he walked over to retrieve it. 

_I know this won’t fix everything but I have to try. Your next clue can be found in the armory on the forging table. Happy hunting._

He actually chuckled to himself as he read the letter. He had never had a woman court him before and he was rather thrilled at the idea. It stroked his ego in a way no woman ever had. He quickly headed for the armory to find his next clue. The paper was on the forging table under a hammer. He knew it was desperate but he hastily unfolded the paper wanting to know what it said. He was in no way disappointed. 

_I don’t want you to go. I know you must but the thought of being without you is unbearable. You had better return to me safe. Your next clue is in the library._

Varric read the neat scrawl of Cassandra’s writing. He felt that same way. Every time she left without him he couldn’t think straight. Every moment worrying about her was agony and he bothered Sister Nightingale constantly for news. Even though he was leaving this time he still worried about something happening to her and he not being near to protect her. 

“She would kill me if she knew I thought she needed my protection.” He spoke aloud to himself as he made his way to the library. The note was sticking out of a shelf of books and she had even been kind enough to put it at eye level for him. 

_I want to kiss you every day. Your last clue is in the garden. I think you know exactly where to find it._

Luckily Varric was able to keep himself from running. Yes she had been angry and said hurtful things to him but at this moment none of that mattered. All he knew was that she needed him and the same need burned within him. He had learned long ago that life was too short to waste times like these. 

***************************

“He isn’t going to come.” Cassandra paced the garden and spoke aloud to herself. Lena had been so sure this plan would work but there was no way of knowing if he even found the letter. He had wanted some space and she had done the exact opposite. He was probably angry at her for doing this and she had only succeeded in pushing him farther away. 

The Inquisitor had also made her wear this ridiculous outfit. She had forgone her armor and wore a soft red cotton shirt with black breeches. Lena had said she looked lovely but Cassandra felt naked without her armor. Lena had even done her hair and make-up but the Seeker felt foolish. This plan wasn’t going to work. 

Suddenly, she heard hurried footsteps and she stopped her pacing. She prayed to the Maker that it was Varric. She didn’t think she could stand anyone else seeing her like this. Her fears were put to rest though as Varric stepped out into the garden. 

He froze as he saw her and seemed to stop breathing as he stared. She felt so uncomfortable and her arms hung loosely at her side as she stared at the ground. He slowly approached her a look of disbelief on his face. 

“I never thought my flower could be more beautiful but I was wrong.” Varric was breathless as he spoke. He took her hand and placed a kiss to the back of it. Cassandra felt her cheeks heat as she watched him. She had never seen herself as beautiful but when he said it she could almost believe it. He kneeled before her as he stared up into her eyes. 

His hair had mostly come out of his loose binding and gave him a wild appearance as if he was some ancient dwarf come to steal his lady away. She could see his broad chest and a tuff of hair under the V of his shirt. She wanted more than anything to see him one day with that shirt off. 

“Amrâlimê.” He spoke to her in the ancient language of the dwarves. She did not know what it meant but it sounded so wonderful coming from his lips. He seemed ready to worship at the altar of her and she reached down to run her fingertip along the stubble of his jawline. 

“Anything you want tonight I am yours. I thought I would chase you but it seems you are better at the game then I expected.” She laughed then a happy ring full of the true joy she felt. Tonight was their night and she would spend it basking in the glow of their emotions. 

“Stay with me tonight Varric. I want to spend what little time we have together.” She then kneeled down with him and entwined one hand with his. His free arm wrapped possessively around her and she gasped as his lips met hers. He took that moment for his tongue to gently slide into her mouth and she willingly gave into his demands. She felt light headed but did not want him to stop. Her hands fisted into his hair as he plundered her mouth and he pulled her tightly against him. It was several moments before he released her and she knew her face held a drunken look. 

“I will stay with you always.” The rest of the night was a blur. They spent their time lazily in the garden lying on the grass and stealing kisses as they talked of a future they could only hope to have together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest I didn't know where I was going with all this when I started. It's hard to come back after an epic fight like that but I hope this did it some justice. I really need to learn to curb my writing and keep it shorter. Criticism welcome kudos and comments enjoyed 
> 
> Much Love SS


	12. First Time's the Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little smut between our Commander and his Quiz. NSFW and so forth. Lena finds out that Cullen is vanilla and he finds out she is so much more

Lena was fighting the urge to walk down to the gardens and spy on her friends. She had no doubt that her plan had worked and she knew they would be too lost in each other to catch her. However the thoughts of her own lover kept her still in her room. Their time together was so short and she did not want to miss any moments they could steal. 

The moonlight lit her balcony in a soft glow. The nights were cool and she enjoyed the light breeze on her skin. She leaned onto the railing as she stared off into the mountains. She never flinched as she heard her door open softly and the heavy booted footsteps of the man who held her heart. 

Cullen wrapped his arms around her and she leaned back into his embrace. He said nothing as he kissed her shoulder and held her close. She noticed he lacked his armor tonight and his skin was warm beneath the cloth of his shirt. They seemed content to stay there like this for several moments and she wished every night could start this way. 

“I hear My Only has been busy today. They say you were seen leaving the stables after talking with the Warden and then were seen spending many hours with the Seeker.” Cullen finally broke the silence and she knew he was asking what she had been up to. She decided though that she would not give in so easily to him. If he wanted to know he would need to be more direct. 

“I also spent a brief moment talking to Master Dennet, Bull, and Krem. Maker knows I can’t go the bathroom without everyone talking about it and gossiping. Sometimes I miss the days where I was invisible but at least my Commander will be assured I can never cheat on him without it reaching his ears within the hour.” Lena turned in his arms and faced him then. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she gave him a wink as she let out a short giggle. His features held a look of irritation and she smiled coyly. 

“You enjoy trying my patience.” It was not a question but a statement. She stuck out her bottom lip and pouted. Her fingers ran through the hair at the nape of his neck but he would not be distracted. She sighed and finally gave in to him. 

“Fine…fine.” Lena huffed before continuing. “I went to apologize to Blackwall for all the trouble the gossip is causing. I wanted to smooth things over before we left. I also may have accidentally said your name….” On saying the last line Lena gave a nervous shrug as she watched for his reaction. Her hands playing in his hair became more insistent and she fought the urge to look away from him. Cullen’s face betrayed nothing but she did not have to wait long for his words to follow. 

“You told him about us? Why?” Lena could tell she had found the Commander’s jealous side again. He released her and pulled away as he ran his hand over the back of his neck. His features were set in a hard glare as he regarded her. She tried not to feel small under those questioning golden eyes but it was difficult. 

“I said it was an accident Cullen! He promised not to tell anyone and I trust him. He isn’t that kind of man. He said he was happy for us and I already have a list of ladies I am scouting as potentials for him.” She threw her hands up in exasperation gesture as she tried to explain herself. Cullen closed his eyes and rubbed them as his other hand rested on the pommel of his sword. It was a pose that Lena knew all too well. 

“And Cassandra?” He leaned against the railing of her balcony and her hands fidgeted uncomfortably. She noticed how tired he looked tonight and she was sure that it stemmed as much from worries about her as worries about his duties. 

“I just gave her some ideas on how to apologize to a certain dwarf. She was happy for the help I swear it.” Finally she walked to him as she finished her explanation. She hated the distance between them and she ached to have him close. Most of her day had been spent without him and even in this short time her body had grown used to his closeness. His arms opened for her and he gave a contented sigh as they were joined once again. 

“You are so meddlesome. Luckily it’s also slightly endearing.” The smile in his voice was easy to hear as he kissed the top of her head. A breeze kicked up and her hair gently blew around her. She knew he loved it when she let her hair out of her usual braid and she had wanted to please him tonight. 

“Well it’s fortunate for you that I have so many endearing qualities.” He gave a snort at her words as she took his hand. She noticed that he did not protest as she pulled him back into her bedroom. She stopped at the edge of her bed and looked over her shoulder as she raised an eyebrow towards him. He gave a soft chuckle at her open invitation. 

“I think a bit of punishment is in order after your torment today.” Cullen’s steps were slow as he moved behind her. She sucked in a breath as he grabbed a fistful of her hair and tilted her head back towards him. Being rough was something she had never expected from Cullen though she was pleasantly surprised. He captured her mouth with his, demanding her complete surrender. His tongue plunged into her mouth and she whimpered as he continued his assault. His free hand roughly grabbed between her legs and he rubbed the apex of her thighs as she felt wetness pool beneath his touch. Even with her breeches between them she felt the fire light in the pit of her stomach. She sucked his tongue and heard him moan as his fist tightened in her hair. Finally, he pulled back and released her his eyes lit with a fire she was becoming so familiar with. 

“What punishment does my dear Commander have in mind?” Excitement coursed through her veins and her skin tingled. He gave her a wicked smile and she could see his mind running through the possibilities. This new side of him was exhilarating and she expectantly waited for his answer. 

“I will be easy on you tonight and let you choose. I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunities in the future for me to try out my ideas.” Lena knew he was afraid to scare her. He was still having a hard time voicing his desires even after spending last night together. Little did he know that she was more depraved than he could ever imagine. 

“If only I had some rope and a flogger. I can see it now. Me, tied to the bed my skin red from the thin lines of the whip. Begging the Commander to take me hard and fast as you tease my opening with your cock.” Speaking the words made Lena’s skin shiver. Cullen’s eyes grew wide and he took a small step back. She frowned worrying that she had taken it too far. Maybe she had read his earlier rough actions the wrong way. 

“I….you would really want that?” His voice held doubt but she nodded yes. She saw him blush deeply and a quizzical look crossed his face. She shifted uncomfortably as she averted her eyes to the floor. She wanted to be honest with him but she hated the thought that she had pushed him away. She never was good at taking things slow. 

“Just forget I said anything.” Her embarrassment was heavy in the air as she turned away from him. She wanted to sink into the floor and never be seen again. She was so lost in her feelings that she jumped when he pulled her close. 

“Then I guess I need to get a few things while you are away.” Lena could hear the excitement in his voice. He was genuinely interested in the darker side that she offered and her heat beat quickened. She could not wait to get back from Crestwood and see what he could come up with. 

***********************************************

Cullen had been shocked at her words but his cock had stiffened at the thought. He had never experienced sex in that way but he had heard of it. He had been gentle with her last night and he was glad that she had seemed to enjoy it. He had never thought of being any other way but it appeared he would get to experience everything with her. 

Tonight there was one specific thing he wanted. He had been embarrassed to ask for it at first but now he was sure she would be happy to complete his request. He knew Lena was an open woman but the doubts still lingered inside him. He never wanted to push her too far and cause her to turn away from him. 

“I want you on your knees.” The words rushed from him and he held his breath as he waited for her response. He swallowed hard as he saw her wicked smile and she began to get on her knees. He was frozen at the sight of her undoing the bindings of his pants. He had never had a woman so eager to please him. 

“Do you want to watch as you disappear into my mouth Cullen?” The words were enough to make him almost come undone as she shoved his pants and smalls roughly down his legs. He stepped out of the clothes and her mouth was inches from his hard cock. She licked her lips and he groaned. There was a deep hunger in her eyes as she grabbed his length and slid her hand slowly up and down it. 

“Have you ever had a woman do this before?” He couldn’t speak, only nod his head no as her lazy strokes continued. Her smile widened and he watched as her tongue reached out and lapped the head of his cock. His eyes closed and his head tilted back as she continued to tease him. 

He felt Lena’s mouth close around his length and she slowly sucked him in as deep as he would go. By the Maker it was the most amazing feeling and he was afraid he wouldn’t last long under her assault. He looked down at her and met her emerald eyes as she watched his reaction. She started a rhythm sucking him in and out as her hand worked his base. He was too large for her to take in all of him though at this moment he found he didn’t care. 

Her paced increased and Cullen found himself panting rapidly. He resisted the urge to plunge his hands into her hair and instead kept them fisted at his sides. Suddenly, she grabbed his hips and pulled him towards her forcing most of him to disappear into her. She held him deep in her throat and the muscles there tightened like she was trying to swallow him. He growled and he had never known his skin to be so sensitive. She finally released him and all thoughts left him. 

Her speed was furious now and she let her tongue slide along the underside of his cock. She grabbed his hand and guided it to the back of her head. He lost his control and roughly grabbed her long hair as he plunged in and out of her mouth. He was so close and he knew it would only be a few moments before he filled her with his seed. She seemed to sense his impending climax and she sucked him hard taking him in deep as he finally found his release. He roared as he came his muscles quivering under the force. He spasmed for several moments and she drank him greedily. He finally pulled himself from her mouth and she smiled as she licked a bead of cum from his tip. 

“That was….” He could hardly describe it. He pulled her up and placed a harsh kiss on her mouth. When Cullen pulled away and looked at her he saw the widest smile she had ever given him and she glowed with pride at what she had done to him. She ran her fingertips along the stubble of his jaw and he felt himself coming down off his high. 

“Now what does my Commander want?” Lena nipped his bottom lip and giggled. He was still half hard but now it was his turn to play with her. 

“I want to taste the V between your legs. Then I think we will have a long night of me taking you in every position I can think of.” Her confidence and obvious desire for him gave him the strength to be bold. She bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes at his words and he watched as her breathing grew ragged. He pushed her back towards the bed and they both lost themselves in what the night had to offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fun before we move onto the fighting and killing and such. The awkwardness in the beginning of relationships is always so enjoyable to write about though it sucks to live through. I honestly can't wait to do Here Lies the Abyss with our current romances. Oh the struggle is real as is the angst. As always questions, concerns, requests, comments will be answered promptly. 
> 
> Much love
> 
> SS


	13. Boys Will Be Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The departure for Crestwood and what happened while our merry band of heroes was there. Some serious stuff goes down and is that a bird? A plane? No it's something much worse.  
> Warning:Some strong language is in this chapter. I blame Bioware Varric always did cuss the most.

The night before departing for Crestwood was one of the best nights of Lena’s life. As usual a celebration was held in the Herald’s Rest and a certain blonde haired Commander attended. They never spoke as she drank with Bull and arm wrestled with Varric but their eyes met often over the crowd. He was hidden in a dark corner and he even shared a few drinks with Krem and the Chargers. 

She couldn’t help but noticed that the Dwarf and Seeker were never far apart and Dorian spent most of his night comfortably curled up in Bull’s lap drinking some overly expensive Tevinter wine. Everyone from her Inner Circle attended and luckily Vivienne and Solas stayed far enough apart that no magic flew around the room. Lena laughed and danced and drank until she almost could not stand. When everyone finally started filling out of the tavern and away for a night’s rest, she caught Cullen’s eye and made sure he was watching as she bid everyone good night. 

Her steps up the stairs to the main hall were slow, both from her intoxication and waiting for him to catch up to her. He did not keep her waiting long and she found herself suddenly swept into his arms. Everyone was too busy saying goodbyes and drinking to notice as he carried her up to her room. They did not even make it to the top of the stairs before he took her hard against the wall her moans echoing off the stone. Sleep was peacefully quiet for Lena that night as she was wrapped in the warm arms of the man she loved. 

As always happens morning came too soon. Her brain was slow to respond as Cullen’s hands ran gently through her hair. Green eyes opened to meet his golden ones and she noticed a soft smile on his lips though he looked tired. She yawned a stretched and she tried to shake the liquor stupor off from the previous night. 

“Did you sleep at all?” Lena could not help but notice the dark circles under Cullen’s eyes and he looked exhausted though content. A slight blush crept up his cheeks as he pulled her close to his chest and kissed the top of her head. 

“I wanted to savor every moment. I will miss you greatly while you are gone.” His voice held the same sadness that her heart felt. She didn’t want to leave him there alone to worry every moment if she was alright. Safety and her job did not go together and Cullen knew that as well as she did. She intertwined her fingers with his own and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. 

“I will always come back for you. Even if I die I will wait in the Fade for you to join me there and we will be together forever.” Lena had never been one to cry easily but she felt a slight wetness slip out of her eye and leak down her face. There was so much uncertainty in their future but she believed in the love they shared. Cullen did not say at word after her promise. He only held her and let his fingertips dance lazily across her bare skin. Sometimes he could say everything with nothing at all. 

Lena leaned up and gave him a final kiss before crawling out of bed and beginning to get ready for her departure. The familiar armor felt heavier than ever before and her movements to put it on were longer than usual as she lingered in his presence. He watched her for a few moments before he too started to get ready for the day ahead. Light streaks cut across the purple sky over the high mountains outside her room and she knew the others would be waiting. 

“I love you Cullen.” Goodbye was not a word she would use with him. Goodbye was final and permanent and there would never be a goodbye between them. He moved to her and caught her in a tight embrace as he buried his face into the skin of her neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders with the same furious need. 

“I love you Lena.” The words were whispered against her skin and he held her for a brief moment longer before he released her. She turned knowing she had to leave now or she never would. Her broadsword was against the wall by the door and she grabbed it as she left the room and the man she loved. 

************************************

The road to Crestwood was uneventful and they arrived outside the town in a shorter time than expected. Scout Harding relayed the reports of the undead swarming the surrounding area. It was not long before they met a group of the undead along with a group of Grey Wardens. The undead were dispatched and Lena learned that the men they saved were looking for Hawke's ally. Luckily the others let Lena do the talking and she played dumb. She did vow to help the people of the town which put her in a bit of a predicament. 

“So what are we going to do Peaches?” Varric asked the question as soon as the Wardens had disappeared. The thoughts were warring inside her and she gave an exasperated sigh as she began to pace. The movement seemed to help her sort through her jumbled thoughts. She knew they should help the people of the town but she also knew that they needed to quickly get to Hawke and his ally and complete their mission. Lena mind was finally made up as she thought about what the Inquisition really stood for. 

“We have to help the people. Beating Corypheus means nothing if there are no people left alive to celebrate the victory.” Blackwall and Dorian clearly approved of her choice and though Varric grumbled agreement she knew his main goal was to get to Hawke. 

Of course what she thought would be a simple task of killing a few undead turned into clearing Caer Bronach of its highwaymen and turning the keep into an Inquisition outpost, draining the lake, doing a spirit a favor, closing the rift below the lake, and dragging dead bodies out of the water to be burned properly. Every day that their task took longer Varric became more impatient and even Blackwall and Dorian started to annoy her. She could not just abandon the people who needed her though and finally they only had one task left. They needed to check on a woman named Judith who was crazy enough to live far outside the town. 

“I promise this is the last one.” Varric only grunted and crossed his arms over his chest as they made their way to the woman’s home. They found her in one piece and grateful for them checking up on her. She then told Lena of the Wyvern in the caves terrorizing the town and she couldn’t miss Varric muttering ‘fuck’ under his breath. Lena stepped on his foot in a very indiscrete way and he jabbed her in the side with his elbow. Lena promised to help clear out the Wyvern and they turned to leave. As Lena grabbed Rigel’s reigns the Dwarf finally lost what little patience was left. 

“You promised me first Peaches before you promised her. Hawke probably thinks we have forgotten about him.” The words were like acid as they fell from his lips and Lena felt anger flare in her. She turned to see all three men standing beside their horses and she studied each one in turn. Dorian looked irritated at her but said nothing. Blackwall actually looked angry and he nodded at Varric’s words. She knew the Warden wanted to find out what Corypheus could possibly want with his brothers and sisters in the Order. Varric was openly hostile and he held Bianca in his hands. She wondered if he would really shoot her. 

“I promised to take care of the Wyvern though I did not say when. We have to meet Hawke. We have spent several days helping these people and now with our troops in the area they should be safer. Calm down Shaggy no one is going to steal her away while you are gone.” Lena did not know dwarves could move so fast. Her body hit the ground hard as he tackled her. Fists and legs collided as they rolled in the grass the frustrations of the last few days finally breaking through. Suddenly, they were both rolling down a large hill and landed sprawled out at the bottom. She heard screaming and running and her head was swimming as she stood to face Varric. 

“How do you know about her?” He spat blood on the ground and she noticed his lip was bleeding from a large gash. Bruises already peppered his face and he also had an impressive laceration on his cheek. Her body ached as well but she had lost herself to her anger and barely felt the pain. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew this was her friend and he was just jealous over his lover and stressed from the many missions helping the people. However that voice was not nearly as loud as the pounding fury in her ears. 

“You liked her little letters didn’t you? It’s funny how the woman who is the worst at expressing herself was able to write such lovely notes. I even picked that red shade of lipstick knowing you would love it.” Lena gave a hard cruel laugh and was still clutching her side trying to catch her breath. Understanding dawned on Varric’s face and that little voice in Lena’s head told her she should be ashamed but she found she just couldn’t give a damn at that moment. She didn’t even try to block herself as his fist connected with her left eye. She fell to the ground about the time Blackwall grabbed Varric and shook him hard. 

“What in the Maker’s name are you doing?!?” The Warden basically screamed at the dwarf but Varric never looked away from Lena. She did not flinch under his gaze though she could only see him with her right eye. She was sure from the pressure and pain her left eye was swollen shut. A snarl was on her face as Dorian grabbed her and helped her stand. 

“You’re fucking lying!” His eyes were wild as he threw the words at Lena. She tried to rush at him but for his build Dorian was strong and held her in place. Her fists weren’t needed though to hurt deeply. 

“The best part is that you know I’m not.” Her smug smile seemed to only infuriate him more and it was all Blackwall could do to hold onto the dwarf. The poor Warden looked at her pleading her to stop but she was enjoying this too much. That little shit had attacked her and she was determined to win this one friend or no friend. 

“Oh seriously is this necessary? No one cares if you slept with his lady friend or whatever. Can you two just stop?” The tone is Dorian’s voice was one of pure irritation as he scolded them. He released her and she stood on shaky legs. Blackwall also released Varric and he stood there as if unsure if he wanted to continue the fight. As always though Lena could not help but throw one more jab. 

“I’m sure she would enjoy a night with me. Maybe then she would be satisfied.” Before her opponent could unleash the hate contorted on his face, they all froze as the heard a loud roar. Lena would know that sound anywhere and she drew her sword as she turned towards the source. It seemed they had not been alone at the bottom of the hill and had finally caught the attention of the beast that dwelled there. She really was in no shape to fight but it seemed they would have no choice as the dragon landed in front of them. 

*****************************

Bianca had been dropped at the top of the hill when he drove Lena to the ground. Luckily Varric kept a back-up pair of daggers for such an occasion. Usually taking down a dragon involved a plan and teamwork but right now he almost hoped the beast would swallow her whole. He knew inside they had just both been frustrated and he was worried about Hawke and missing Cassandra. Still her words had unleashed all his pent up anger and he was still feeding off that feeling as he slashed the beast. 

Dorian was furiously casting spells and the two warriors were side by side as they hacked away. Blackwall used his shield to protect them both from the dragon’s blows and then Lena would furiously attack with her broadsword. Varric was fast enough to dance between the dragon’s legs and it seemed this dragon would be easier than previous ones. Of course as soon as the thought crossed his mind something horrible happened. 

Lena’s sword came down were the beast’s neck had been. She had stepped out from the protection of the Warden but the dragon made a quick move and caught her sword arm in his jaws. He was sure she hadn’t been able to see the dragon’s move due to her eye being swollen shut. It drug her across the ground and gave her a hard shake before slinging her against a large rock nearby. She crumpled and laid motionless and Varric felt his heart stop beating. She was dead and it was his fault. If she would have been able to see the dragon’s movements she would still be alive. 

All three of the remaining companions gave a furious battle cry. Dorian’s spell hit the beast in the eye and Varric took the moment to plunge his dagger into its heart while Blackwall took a mighty swing and the beast’s head rolled to the ground. He was barely able to move out of the way before the dragon fell to the ground finally defeated. 

Blackwall took off running towards Lena with Varric and Dorian close behind. The Warden cradled her gently and Varric winced as he saw blood dripping from her long hair. She hadn’t been wearing a helmet when she smashed against the rock and he knew that was his fault as well. A potion was pressed to her lips though she did not drink. Still Blackwall poured it into her mouth hoping it could repair what was broken. He was surprised the man had yet to run him through with a blade. It was no secret that the two were together and Varric had attacked her and then was the reason she was so gravely injured. 

“Blackwall is she breathing?” Dorian broke the silence but the Warden never looked from her face. Seconds stretched into minutes but finally her breathing deepened and she began to move. The potion could restore her strength and heal minor injuries but her mangled arm hung at an odd angle. Some of the skin and muscle had knitted together and the bleeding from her head had stopped but she would need a healer soon. 

Lena’s eyes finally opened though it took time before they seemed to focus. She looked at each of her companions but cried out as she attempted to move her arm. It was then that she noticed the damage done. When her eyes snapped to Varric he knew she had finally regained her full memory of the events. 

“I want my horse. You wanted to get to Hawke so badly well we are going now.” Her good arm grabbed onto Blackwall’s shoulder as she tried to pull herself up. The Warden attempted to keep her down but she was determined and he helped her to stand before she hurt herself further. He busied himself cleaning her blade as she cradled her arm to her chest. 

“Come on Peaches don’t be so stubborn. We need to get you back to Caer Bronach.” She completely ignored Varric as she whistled for her faithful steed. The beast galloped into view and he watched her struggle to swing into the saddle with her injuries. Blackwall brought her the freshly cleaned sword and sheathed it for her. He then assisted her into the saddle and Varric noted that he was the smart one of the group. The Warden did not even try to argue with her. Their Inquisitor was the hardest headed woman ever even worse than Cassandra. 

“I suggest you all mount your horses unless you intend to walk the whole way.” She threw her words over her shoulder as she spurred her horse onward. The three men began the long walk back up the hill in complete silence: Varric lost in his guilt, Blackwall angry at the whole situation, and Dorian thinking this was the worst week of his life and wishing for a good bath. 

*******************************

“What happened to you?” Hawke asked Lena the question as they finally arrived at the entrance of the cave. She stopped her horse and waited for Blackwall to appear faithfully at her side. He assisted her to dismount and she tried to look dignified as she walked up to the man. 

Luckily Blackwall had the idea to bind her arm and made her a sling out of some cloth so her arm did not bump uncomfortably as she rode. The pain had been almost unbearable before that. Again she was in his debt and she would have to find a way to repay him some day. 

“My arm? Dragon ambush.” She kept the conversation short as she walked past Hawke and towards the back of the cave. He fell in line behind her and she knew the others would follow. 

“And your eye?” At that she chuckled a little though it made her entire body feel like it was on fire. 

“That was Varric’s doing.” Hawke made a strange choking sound but she did not pause her steps. Cullen was going to kill her when she got back to Skyhold, and then he would probably kill Varric too. She was still so angry at him though her fury had quieted into a dull ache that seemed less important that the current pains she felt. What had happened had been her fault as much as his and she was just glad everyone had survived mostly intact. Lena knew she was going to have to learn to control her temper if she was going to survive being Inquisitor much longer. 

She reached a door and saw a white skull with a red cloth over its eyes painted next to the entrance. She wasn’t sure what that meant but she pushed the door open. Stroud was waiting for them inside and as he talked she knew she needed to write a report to Skyhold as soon as possible. They were going to need all their forces if his words were true. 

******************************

Cullen had been expectantly waiting for reports from Crestwood. Everything had been pretty mild so far as he read of the time spent solving the issues of the townspeople. He had personally readied the company that was sent to occupy the keep she had cleared out. He wanted to go with them, find some excuse to accompany them on their march east. His duties kept him here though and he knew she would not approve if he came chasing after her every time she left. When she returned, he vowed to work out a way for them to secretly send letters. Leliana’s ravens carried important business but were unsuitable for his more personal matters. 

His office was quiet as he heard hurried footsteps. Scout Jim burst through the doors and was red faced from running. Cullen felt his heart drop into his stomach and a wave of nausea hit him. It didn’t take much to know that something had happened out there. 

“Report…for you…Commander.” The scout held out several pages and he wasted no time in snatching him from the man’s hands. He read over Stroud revealing that the Wardens were using blood magic and fear gripped him. His time during the Blight and then at Kirkwall was never far from his mind. Andraste preserve him she would be facing against that horror. There was still so much unknown about this ritual and he hated knowing that she would rush in there head first. 

The last page of the letter was different and he secretly knew it was written for him. As always she had out smarted everyone and gotten her message to him. 

_As you read this know that I am safe. We were ambushed by a dragon and the healers say I need a day or two more to rest so my arm can heal properly. The resetting of bones wasn’t fun but there was lots of wine involved so I didn’t feel much. I can now see out of my left eye though the bruising still remains. Please don’t be angry with me. I promise not to engage in more foolish fights and am over joyed to be returning back to Skyhold soon. Hopefully our troops are ready for the task at hand._

_Faithfully yours,_

_Lena_

Cullen dismissed Jim as he read the words several times. Naturally he was upset at her injuries but he was glad she was mending well and would return to him soon. He laid the report on his desk as he began to plan for the battle ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I really loved writing most of this chapter especially the Varric/Lena fight. I am so ready to get to Adamant Fortress. I have been planning the next chapters all day. I wasn't expecting this chapter to turn into this much but then the plot bunny attacked and I couldn't disagree.  
> Now before everyone panics no Varric isn't a woman beater or anything abusive. Boys will be boys they scuffle all the time. In Varric and Lena's eyes they are bros and sometimes bros just have to fight it out. Of course this horrifies Blackwall who thinks of her as a lady and I think Dorian is just kind of bored with the whole thing. If this was a serious fight I'm sure weapons would have come out but no one was trying to kill anyone. There was just a lot of tension and it finally came to a head  
> Yes Lena is a bit of a bitch. She has not been Quiz very long and hopefully time will tame that temper some. Maker knows her and Varric's tempers are far too much alike.


	14. Love You Like I'm Gonna Lose You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Absolutely massive chapter. Basically everyone kisses and makes up before the march out to the Western Approach. A lot of fluff a little smut and just some generally funny scenes

Lena was so bored. She still did not understand why the healers wouldn’t release her. Only one arm was needed for riding in her opinion and she was ready to return to her Commander. Instead she was forced to stay in bed in a room with nothing interesting to look at. She huffed as she read the same page for the hundredth time. It wasn’t that she did not enjoy this chapter of Swords and Shields but she had read this one so much that the spine of the book was barely holding together. Plus reading his books only made her think of Varric. 

They really needed to talk before returning to Skyhold. Lena had said some pretty nasty things to him and she was missing her best friend. She felt shame from her words and though she was proud she knew when it was time to admit her mistakes. An apology would also be in order for Cass when she returned to Skyhold. She hoped she hadn’t screwed things up for her friends. If she had she would never forgive herself. 

Dorian had spent much of the day with her playing Wicked Grace and gossiping. The man had the most scandalous stories from Tevinter and she had spent much of her day laughing. When he left though she felt herself so alone. She had begged him to send Varric to her but the hours had ticked by without the dwarf arriving. 

Her mind was a jumble as she threw herself back onto the bed and landed on the soft mattress. She hissed with pain as her arm was jarred. The healers had truly worked some wonderful magic and she knew in a few days she would be back to normal. That of course did not stop it from hurting any less when she forgot her injury. More than ever she wanted to write to Cullen but knew she couldn’t. If anyone saw the letters between them their secret would be out, and if she told him about what really happened he would kill Varric and then Cass would kill him and she would kill Cass and it would turn into some elaborate Orlesian tragedy made famous on stage. 

Lena snorted to herself at the thought as she heard the handle of her door turn. It clicked ever so slightly and she looked up to see the door slowly swing open. She smiled brightly when Varric stepped through into her room. She sat up and attempted to move to him but he held his hand up to stop her. He did not meet her gaze and instead stared at the floor as he made his way over. 

His face was solemn and he seemed lost in deep thoughts. Lena hugged her knees to herself as she waited for him to speak. The silence stretched out between them and he took a deep breath before he began. 

“Hey Peaches.” His voice was quiet and his face looked strained. Lena was sure this was as awkward for him as it was for her. 

“Hey Shaggy.” Her mind had gone blank. She knew there were things she should be saying but couldn’t force the words out. She felt stupid as she returned his polite greeting. She had spent hours planning her words only to forget everything. 

“Hey I’m sorry ok. Dammit I’m not very good at this.” Varric shuffled awkwardly and Lena would have laughed if she wasn’t feeling the same way. She was terrible at apologies though her time with Cullen was making her more experienced at it. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder and he finally looked up at her. 

“It’s ok Varric. I wasn’t exactly a polished princess either. I’m sorry too. You know I would never sleep with Cass. She would probably skin me alive even for suggesting that. Good on you though for scoring with her.” Lena winked and giggled and Varric looked horrified. His eyes widened and a deep blush crossed his face. 

“Um well we haven’t but thanks anyways.” It was Lena’s turn to be shocked. Her mouth hung open and she froze as she stared at him. She closed and reopened her mouth a few times before she finally found words to speak. 

“Seriously? Is your stuff broken? She’s hot you’re….well you’re you. I was so sure I had set you up. You should be giving me a high five right now!” The words rushed out and Lena was waving her arms in extravagant gestures. She let out a frustrated sigh as she stood up and started pacing again. 

“No it works just fine but Cass isn’t that kind of woman. I would never….well what I’m trying to say is…” Varric rubbed the bridge of his nose as he spoke. Lena really wasn’t understanding what the issue was until it finally dawned on her. She stopped her movements and he face lit up as a hard laugh rolled from her. 

“By the Maker you love her!” 

“No I never said that…well maybe…I don’t know I really never thought about it.” Lena watched as the thoughts crossed his face. Varric wasn’t the greatest at hiding his emotions. She saw confusion then disbelief then a wide smile that lit up his whole face. It seemed even he had not known he was in love with the Seeker. 

“Well congrats Shaggy. When’s the wedding? Oh you have to name one of your girls Lena.” Varric playfully shoved her shoulder as she teased him. She was genuinely happy for them. 

“I’m glad to see you’re back to your normal self Peaches. I was really worried about you.” Lena’s smile fell as she heard the lingering at the end of his words. He didn’t need to say more she already understood where his mind was going. 

“That wasn’t your fault Varric. I know you didn’t mean for me to get hurt. I’m fine now.” He solemnly nodded to her words but they did not seem to reassure him. She only used his name when she was being especially serious but even that did not get his attention. 

“So are you going to tell Cass as soon as we get back or make her wait a bit?” Distraction was the best tactic she could use in this moment. This was supposed to be a happy time. 

“I’m not going to tell her are you crazy? She would kill me.” A look of shock crossed Varric’s face. In that moment he looked truly afraid of Cassandra. 

“You are unbelievable! Just because I helped her out with the notes doesn’t mean the feelings in them weren’t hers. I made her look beautiful because she wanted to look beautiful for YOU. You’re an idiot if you don’t know her feelings mirror your own.” Varric had to sit down for that one. He occupied the chair beside her bed and rubbed the scruff of his chin as he thought. Lena felt like hitting him over the head with something heavy for being so foolish. 

“I promise I will tell her after we deal with the Wardens. I have to focus on getting Hawke out of this alive. I drug him into it and all.” Lena saw the worry cross his face. She knew Hawke was his best friend and he would feel responsible if anything happened to him. Like her he carried the burden of the safety of the people around him. She hated when one of her friends was hurt because of her orders. 

“As long as you promise I will let it slide.” He flashed her one of his signature half smiles as she sat back down on the bed. Her body still ached a little and now that the adrenaline was gone the pain was getting worse. 

“Now Shaggy you better pull out your best story-telling skills because we have to find something to tell everyone back at Skyhold. You come up with the story and I will convince Blackwall and Dorian to go along with it.” 

“Well you know I am partial to extravagant lies.” Lena groaned as they mapped out their game plan. She hated lying to everyone, especially Cullen, but it would have to be this way. 

************************************************

Dorian stood next to the fire with Blackwall. The evening was cool and it was nice to have a source of warmth. The courtyard of Caer Bronach was oddly empty and Dorian took his time to study the warrior in front of him. He had spent little time around Blackwall and was usually too busy trying to get Bull’s attention. Now though he watched the other man with rapt attention. 

“It’s true what you have said then. There really is nothing going on between you and our dear Inquisitor.” Dorian had noticed how Lena was as friendly to Blackwall as ever, but no more so than previous times. There was no softness when she looked at the other man and she still shared a tent with Dorian. 

“I am glad someone finally sees reason.” Blackwall never looked away from the crackling fire as he spoke. Dorian had noticed that while the other man checked on Lena frequently he never lingered long in her room. The Mage had been eavesdropping at the door and never heard anything more than polite conversation. 

“Oh I saw you cradle her as she lay on the battlefield. I have no doubt that there is something going on with you. However our fair Lady does not seemed swayed. Of course I understand your infatuation. I don’t even like women and I am inclined to want her. Power does that to people. Perhaps you just need a little advice.” Dorian almost felt like he was back at home. The highlight of Tevinter life was meddling in the affairs of others. He also cared for Lena deeply as a friend and Blackwall was a decent enough man for the task. 

“It isn’t going to happen but thanks anyways.” Blackwall wrapped his arms around himself and Dorian knew it wasn’t from the cold. Maybe Varric’s story about seeing the Warrior leaving Lena’s room wasn’t an entire lie. It just seemed to Dwarf misinterpreted it. 

“Hm…see and I had you pegged as the perfect partner for her. Calm and collected where she is rash and impulsive. Plus older men always make better lovers. More experience and all.” Dorian examined his fingernails as if he wasn’t the least bit interested. However he was actually watching the other man out of the corner of his eye for any reaction. 

“I’m not the man for her and I would prefer not to talk about this further.” Blackwall was trying to end the conversation and Dorian decided to let it go for now. He obviously wasn’t getting anywhere with this tonight but he would scheme for future opportunities to interfere. 

“Well if you change your mind you know who to ask.” The Warrior just nodded as Dorian turned to visit Lena one last time. Hopefully Varric and her had worked out their little spat so life could go back to normal. He was looking forward to returning to Skyhold and his fine Tevinter wine and kinky lover. This was his first trip out with Lena that Bull was absent from and he was finding life on the road rather dull without the Quanari. 

************************************************

The ride back was completely uneventful. Of course Cullen had ordered several Inquisition soldiers to accompany them on their way back. Something about her being hurt and unable to properly defend herself. She would show him when she returned to Skyhold. 

It had been easy enough to swear Blackwall to silence. He was already keeping one of her secrets. Dorian took a lot more convincing and promises to renovate his small nook in the library in the latest Tevinter style. Josie was going to hate her for that one. 

As the horses rode over the bridge of Skyhold Lena steeled herself for the reception ahead. Cheers roared as her Rigel passed through the iron gate. She inwardly groaned and looked up on the battlements for a certain Commander. She felt her spirits drop and the smile fade from her face as she noticed his absence. Depression swelled in her as she made her way through the throng of people. She hoped he hadn’t been sent out on another mission while she was away. His face was the only thing she wanted to see after the long days away. 

Suddenly, a flash of armor had her sitting up and staring. He strode through the crowd of people that naturally parted for his demanding presence. It took all her effort to keep her expression blank as he walked right up to her war horse and grabbed the reigns. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest at the nearness of him. 

“Inquisitor I need to speak with you on urgent business. We have preparations to make.” Lena was successful in not giggling but just barely. What he said might be true but she was sure his ‘urgent’ business was a lot more personal than professional. 

“Really Commander I just got back. Do you not see my arm? Couldn’t you give me a break this one time?” She waved her arm that was still in a sling. It really was much better and she almost had full range back. He just crossed his arms over his chest in an imposing way and stared at her as if she was some green recruit. She sighed loudly as she slid off her horse. This game they were playing was entirely too much fun. 

Lena was dramatic as she stomped up the stairs to Cullen’s office. Her eyes looked like she was trying to bore a hole in the back of his head and her bottom lip was stuck out in a severe pout. Anyone who saw them would be none the wiser. 

The door to his office had barely shut when Cullen turned to her and caught her in his arms. He was gentle with her as she was pulled against his chest. Her free arm went around his shoulders as he buried his face into her neck and inhaled her scent. The look on his face was one of complete bliss and he gave a happy sigh as his hands stroked down her back. 

“Thank the Maker.” No other words were needed between them. Lena felt joy well up inside her at being with him once more. She knew she looked a wreck. Her arm was in a sling, there was still some light yellow bruising around her eye, and her hair was loose and wild from being unable to braid it due to her injuries. She probably smelled like horses and sweat and still he acted like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. 

“I missed you too my dearest.” Lena’s hand ran through his hair and he leaned back against her caress. A smile played on his lips and she stood on her toes so her mouth could capture his. It was a chaste kiss between the two and Cullen reached up to cup her cheek as she broke the kiss. 

“So….war preparations?” Lena raised her eyebrow at him and he gave her a genuine laugh. The sound so very rarely escaped him and the lines of worry on his face were unused to creasing in joy. She wanted to make him laugh often. He carried the weight of too much on him already. 

“You know my time here will be brief Cullen. Tomorrow I will be leaving for the Western Approach.” Lena did not want to leave so soon but duty called and she needed to meet Hawke and Stroud as soon as possible. 

“No. You are still not fully healed. You will spend a few days in Skyhold and then leave.” He had actually dared to give her a command. She pulled back indignant ready to unleash her anger on him. Her face was contorted in rage but as she saw Cullen stand there ready to receive her anger she stopped her words. This was no way for the Inquisitor to act. It was certainly not a way to treat the man she loved. The venom inside her rushed out and she hung her head. 

“Cullen you can’t protect me all the time. The road to the Western Approach is long and I will be 100% once we reach our rendezvous point. I know you are just concerned for me but the quicker we defeat Corypheus then the quicker you and I can spend every day together.” She took his hand and held it tightly against her chest next to her heart. She met the golden fire of his eyes pleading him to understand. His resolve was hard at first but he finally softened and broke. 

“I know. Is it foolish of me to never want you to leave?” His voice was barely a whisper as he said the last words. She gave him a reassuring smile as she kissed the hand within her own. 

“One day Cullen, one day I promise.” 

************************************************

Varric stretched as his feet finally found solid ground. He hated riding horses it was unnatural for dwarves and he was glad to be on his own two feet. His muscles rejoiced as he moved and he thought his ass would never have feeling in it again. 

Darting through the crowd of people, he made his way for the training yard. A few days on the road had given him time to think on Lena’s words. It was true he was in love with Cassandra but he was unsure how to proceed. His last voyage into love had ended with Bianca marrying another and unable to come within 300 yards of him. He prayed that this time would not end the same. He would take his time with his Seeker and make sure everything was perfect. 

Cass was in the middle of striking a dummy repeatedly with her sword. Sweat gleamed on her skin and her chest heaved from the effort. Varric would never tire of seeing her this way and he stood motionless for several moments just watching her. She finally seemed to take notice of him and her sword arm dropped as she turned his direction. He gave her a half smile that she returned. 

“Want to get out of here?” He inclined his head toward the armory and she nodded as she turned and headed that way. He followed closely behind her absolutely mesmerized by the way her long legs moved so gracefully and how good her ass looked in those pants. A part of him knew he shouldn’t be staring but he couldn’t help himself. A man was still a man and Cassandra was the perfect kind of woman in his eyes. 

The sound of the door clicking shut behind them was deafening in the silence. He caught Cass’s hand and pulled her to him roughly. She sucked in a breath as his hand gripped her hip firmly and her mouth caught his in a burning kiss. Varric felt his entire body heat from the feel of her lips on his. Her tongue demanded entry into his mouth and he gave in willingly. Their tongues danced as her hands fisted in his hair. The slight sting of pain only heightened his arousal and he felt himself drowning in her. A moan escaped him as she nipped his bottom lip before pulling back and giving him a smug look. 

“I’m guessing this means you missed me then Seeker?” A chuckle escaped him and she playfully pushed him. 

“Only as much as you missed me.” Her body was still pressed closely to his and he reveled in the scent of her. She always smelled like vanilla, spice, and just a hint of something he could only describe as determination. A mix of sweat and steel that was so Cassandra that he could smell it even when he was far away from her. 

“I’m happy to see that you survived the dragon ambush intact Varric. I was afraid when Lena sent her report that you had been injured in the fight.” Her fingertips ran down his jaw and she looked him over as if expecting to find grave injuries. Luckily the split in his lip and on his cheek had been healed with a simple potion and now only faint scars remained. 

“I’m fine Seeker don’t worry. I’m sure that’s the last time Lena chases after a Druffalo without paying attention to where she’s going.” It was literally the only thing the two of them could come up with. Everything else seemed absolutely scandalous or just stupid. Lena had a deep love of wildlife and had been admiring the druffalo in the area before the attack. 

“Is that how you were ambushed?” Cass’s eyes grew wide and her face switched a look he knew well. She was in the mood for a story and he was happy to give her one. 

“You know Lena loves animals? Well she had it in her head to tame the beasts and use them as Inquisition mounts. Blackwall had tried to explain that druffalo had already been domesticated but Lena wanted a wild one. She chased a herd of them and one split off from the rest. We were all trying to keep up but she got ahead of us and chase the lone one down a hill. That’s when we heard the dragon roar.” Varric could tell he had her full attention now. She was hanging on his every word. 

“It swooped down and knocked the druffalo to the ground. It killed the animal and Lena was furious. She leapt off her mount and ran for the dragon. You know how bad her temper can be and the dragon had denied her prize. She was already hacking at the dragon wildly when we were finally able to get to her side. Battle drunkenness was upon her and she made a swing at the dragon’s neck. It was amazing how fast it moved and it caught her arm and threw her against a rock and she crumpled.” Cass sucked in a breath as he spoke and her hand covered her mouth in a look of shock and horror. Varric loved telling stories but Cass was his favorite audience. 

“All three of us were terrified that she was dead. We gave a mighty battle cry and ran into the fray. Dorian cast a massive spell and hit the dragon in the face while Blackwall and I rushed towards it. I distracted it by hacking away with my daggers and Blackwall was able to maneuver himself into position. He lopped its head off with his sword while I drove a dagger into its heart and the beast fell down dead.” 

“Wait why weren’t you using Bianca?” Cass interrupted him and he almost cursed. He hadn’t thought about this part of the story and he had to come up with something quick. 

“I was so angry I wanted to hurt the dragon personally. Plus Dorian was handling long range and Blackwall needed some back up at close range without Lena there. Anyways so the dragon is dead and Blackwall runs to Lena. He scooped her into his arms tenderly and starts stroking her hair. She’s covered in blood and it smears his armor but he doesn’t even care. A potion appears in his hand and he cups her cheek softly as he tries to get her to drink. She doesn’t move though and we aren’t even sure she’s breathing. Dorian asked if she was dead but Blackwall ignores us. All he can see is the broken woman before him. The liquid is poured down her throat and it seems like forever but she finally starts moving and breathing deeper. The Warden was barely in time to pull her back from the brink of death.” Cass’s eyes sparkled and he swore he almost saw a tear in the corner of one eye. So he had been a little liberal with his story? He knew what made Cass tick and she loved a good romance more than any battle retelling. Besides at least 25% was true and that was more than most of Varric’s stories. 

“Varric that sounds so awful and yet so lovely. I’m glad Blackwall was able to save Lena’s life.” She was breathless as she spoke and he wondered if she was going to ask him what happened next. He almost thought about throwing in a customary ‘and everyone lived happily ever after.’ 

“Well she’s better now and that’s all that matters. Tomorrow we leave for the Western Approach and I was wondering if a certain beautiful lady could sneak away for dinner tonight.” His grin was wicked as he invited her out. He reached up and traced the scar on her face that he loved so much. Lena had told him that Cass hated that scar she thought it made her look ugly. Personally he thought it was sexy and daring. One day he would tell her that preferably after a long session of having her naked beneath him. 

“I would like that very much Varric.” The dwarf caught her in another kiss before leaving the armory and heading off the rest after his long journey. 

************************************************

“A dragon? Really without me?” This was not what Dorian had expected. He had only one day in Skyhold and all he wanted was to drink wine while taking a long bath and then get tied up by his lover. Bull was way too interested in the dragon slaying and not nearly interested enough in the things Dorian was. 

The mage walked into his room and Bull followed closely behind. The excitement was evident in the Quanari’s voice and Dorian sighed. This was why he did not do relationships only relations. There was entirely too much work that went into pleasing another. 

“Yes Bull there was a dragon we killed it and it was a glorious as you could possibly imagine.” The irritation was evident in his voice but Bull seemed not to hear him. 

“Taarsidath-an halsaam.” Dorian started to strip as Bull talked to himself. The mage had no idea what those words meant and at this moment could really care less. 

“Not to be rude but I leave tomorrow. If you aren’t in the mood for something more primal please let me get some rest.” Bull finally seemed to notice that Dorian stood there naked in the middle of his room. The Quanari growled as he stalked closer and the Mage shivered with pleasure. 

“I am always in the mood.” Now this was more of what Dorian had in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so serious for a moment. I really need a Beta reader so if ANYONE is interested please comment.  
> The last few days I have had serious doubts about this story and have been thinking of trashing it. This by far has been my favorite chapter to write though. The other chapters felt forced and strange as I wrote them but I really enjoyed this one. I have not done any writing in a long time and I feel like I am finally settling in better. Ok enough of my personal problems we will move on.  
> Seriously can't believe no one has commented on the things I name my chapters. I was sure the 'V is for Victory' chapter would have everyone laughing. As always many thanks to my supporters. Not sure how much I will post this weekend as it's going to be a crazy time for me. Hope everyone enjoys this one because it's about to get real and it's about to get angsty in here. 
> 
> Much Love 
> 
> SS


	15. The Hanging Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Here Lies the Abyss quest. How do Lena and Cullen deal with each other being in danger? How do our heroes handle their time under the Nightmare's punishment? Who dies in the end? How does Lena react to their death? Are the Warden's banished forever? So many questions and more answered and yes people the angst is real in the next several chapters

“So you just suddenly changed your mind?” Dorian was standing before her with his arms crossed over his chest. They were hidden away in his nook in the library. She inwardly groaned and she tried to think of something to say. This was not how she had planned things going.

“I can’t explain it Dorian. I just know I need to take Solas with me.” The original plan had been to leave with the same companions from Crestwood but then everything changed. She had been in the war room making preparations with her advisors when the strangest feeling hit her. She had paused mid-sentence and stared off. Cullen and the others looked concerned but she was able to recover quickly and brush their worry aside. Something told her she needed to take Solas along and she listened her feeling. The Maker worked in strange and mysterious ways but she tried to keep her mind and heart open for his messages. No one thought it was odd for her to change her mind but it seemed Dorian was going to have a huge problem with it.

“Is this about you and Varric in Crestwood? You know I haven’t said anything.” He actually looked hurt that she was leaving him behind. Dorian was one of her closest friends and she hardly went anywhere without him both in and out of Skyhold.

“You know I think you are one of the most brilliant mages I know. It’s seriously nothing personal Dorian I just have this feeling and it’s so strange. It’s like something is pushing me and it’s telling me I need to take Solas to the Western Approach.” The anger on his face seemed to soften a little though he still looked unhappy. Being left behind was definitely something new for him.

“Oh it’s about time someone recognized me for the true magical talent that I am. I don’t like your little feeling but I understand. You and your messages from beyond the Veil can just abandon me here.” His hand waved absently in the air as if to dismiss her. He started studying the books beside his chair and she realized it was best just to leave him to it. Dorian could be such a girl sometimes when hurt even if it was unintentional.

****************************************************

The events at the Tevinter Ritual Tower had everyone in a state of shock. Warden Warriors laid on the ground killed by their own. Warden Mages and Demons were intermingled with them killed by Lena and her companions. Erimund had fled for Adamant as soon as he realized her hold over the Anchor was stronger than his own and Lena sneered at the thought of him running from her. The huntress in her found joy in chasing its prey.

“Sacrificing their own? Summoning demons and binding them? Who would look at this and think it is a good idea? If I ever order something like this someone please kill me because I will have clearly lost my mind.” Anger boiled inside Lena. She understood the Wardens were terrified after they all heard the Calling but they were supposed to be slaying demons not creating them. 

“There is never a good reason to use blood magic. Everyone who does tries to make excuses but it is never the answer. They are slaves to their fears.” It seemed Hawke shared her anger. The Champion had seen more of blood mages than most ever would and he seemed to understand the evil that sprang from it.

“They were deceived. They were just following orders Hawke they thought it was necessary.” Stroud attempted to defend the Wardens but the blood soaked stone beneath their feet did little to aid his words.

“Wardens are bound to their duty. They are only trying to protect everyone against the Blight.” Blackwall stepped beside Stroud trying to give credence to the Wardens. Lena was tired and found she had enough of all this talk.

“Every Warden who died here made a choice just as you Stroud and you Blackwall did. The Warriors chose to give their lives for their cause and the Mages chose to use blood magic to turn their friends into demons. I think we can all agree that was wrong despite their motives behind it. In the end we are responsible for our own actions. You two chose the harder path but the right one. I will not feel pity for those who did not follow your example.” Maybe it was cold but she wanted to be clear to them all. Even if she thought sacrificing her men would be the only way to end Corypheus she would not do it. There would be no point in saving the world if it meant those left lost their humanity.

“I saw this in the future at Redcliff. A demon army marching across Thedas. This is how it happened and if we don’t stop Corypheus now all hope will be lost.” Lena’s voice was soft and she closed her eyes as the memories assaulted her. The future she had seen was so horrible and it made her skin crawl despite the hot sun above. They had to stop the Warden’s and their ritual. Everyone present could agree to that.

Hawke and Stroud put their differences aside as they took off towards Adamant to scout. Lena headed to Griffon Wing Keep with her companions behind her. Cullen and the Inquisition’s army were only a few days behind and they were going to need every soldier for the siege ahead.

A letter was hastily written and given to a runner to meet the forces and update the Commander of the new developments. Lena tried to still her thoughts as she looking out over the blistering sands. Not since Haven had her love been directly in danger. She knew he was the best fighter they had but she still hated the thought of him being on the front lines of the battle. Maker have mercy if this was how he felt every time she rushed off then she was truly sorry for him.  

****************************************************

The gate to Adamant burst open from the force of the battering ram. Lena stepped through and was met with a hoard of demons and Wardens. She drew her broadsword and her companions fell in behind her. It took only minutes to fell the enemies before them. A slight sheen of sweat was on her skin and her breathing was heavy. She was glad to see that her arm was no longer bothering her as she moved her weapon in well trained thrusts.

She surveyed the damage around them and inspected the progress of the other troops. Some of their soldiers had been successful in making it up on the battlements. The ringing of metal was loud in her ears and she felt the familiar battle ache stirring in her chest. Flaming projectiles hit the walls around her and rubble crumbled and fell. The stench of fear and blood was already permeating the air. So many would die today by her orders.

“Maker watch over my men and those I love. Andraste take our fallen safely into your arms. Blessed are those who die in the service of righteousness. Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls. From these emerald waters doth life begin anew. Come to me, child, and I shall embrace you. In my arms lies Eternity.” She briefly bowed her head and prayed before adding a verse from the Chant of Light.

“And damn all of our enemies to hell.” Varric stepped beside her and added his own end to her prayer. She couldn’t help the snort that escaped her at his words.

“All right Inquisitor you have your way in best make use of it. We’ll keep the main host of demons occupied for as long as we can.” She had not even heard the Commander approaching behind her and almost jumped at the sound of his voice. He was entirely too close to the danger of the front lines and she felt her protectiveness go into high alert. His eyes possessed a hard look as she turned to him and determination burned in his golden depths. They had barely spoken since the he had arrived with the troops and their few conversations were strictly battle preparations. She wanted more than anything in this moment to wrap her arms around him and make him promise that he would stay safe.

“I’ll be fine just keep the men safe.” Lena refused to give voice to her fears and turned to giving orders. Being in Inquisitor mode made her mind focus on something other than images of her love lying dead on the battlefield. Cullen looked so fierce at this moment and she would stay strong for him. Seeing him stand there at the front lines reaffirmed her belief that he was the only one suited to be the Commander of their forces. No one else could have transformed their ragtag bunch into such fine soldiers. 

“We’ll do what we have to Inquisitor. Warden Stroud will guard your back. Hawke is with our soldiers on the battlements. He’s assisting them until you arrive.” A scream rang out and an Inquisition soldier was thrown from the high wall by a demon. Lena cursed under her breath as the man fell.

“There’s too much resistance on the walls. Our men on the ladders can’t get a foothold. If you can clear out the enemies on the battlements we will cover your advance.” She nodded to his words and he turned to leave. Soldiers were spilling into the fortress all around them and the wails of dead and dying were starting to take over as the primary sounds of battle. Her hand moved involuntarily as she grabbed his wrist. Cullen turned to her and she saw his face soften for just a moment.

“Come back to me.” Lena was not even sure if he heard her above the roar around them. His smile though told her that he understood. He touched his armor right above his heart in a secret sign they had come up with together. She returned his gesture to let him know that she loved him too. He then turned and she was faced with the horrors of Adamant.

****************************************************

Cullen watched from below as the tower crumbled and fell. He had been terrified for Lena as he saw Corypheus’ red lyrium dragon bearing down on them. The beast had almost killed her once and now he watched in horror as she fell. He had thought they were going to make it but his heart stopped as realization hit him. Looking away was impossible and he could only stare as she spiraled to her death.

“NO!” His scream was loud as he ran through the throng of soldiers around him. Every moment with her flashed through his mind as his legs moved. Her soft sweet smile, the way her skin glowed in the firelight, the way she called his name and the words ‘I love you’ falling from her lips. He would never again hear that beautiful laugh or have her tease him relentlessly. He was not sure he could continue without her. Tears threatened in his eyes and his heart shattered.

Suddenly, a strange light burst from her hand and a rift opened then closed as Lena and the others disappeared inside. Cullen had no idea what had happened to her or where she had gone. His furious run was stopped and he looked at the soldiers around him. Many curious stares met him and he tried to compose himself. There was still a battle to be fought and he could only hope she would return to him alive. 

****************************************************

Lena could not believe it, she was physically in the Fade. One moment she was free falling and wondering if death would be quick when she hit the bottom. The next her power swelled and she found herself in this strange, horrible place. The Fade was not unfamiliar to her after visiting it many times with Solas. She found it as fascinating as he did but being here in person was a little more than she wanted. Why couldn’t she land in a pretty field instead of this decaying hole? Luck was always against her it seemed.

The Divine met them and guided them through as she helped Lena unlocked her memories. She was convinced that the spirit before them was either Mot Holy herself or a kind spirit who had been imprinted upon so much that it took the visage of her. When it was revealed to them all how she received her Mark she still believed that it was the Maker’s design that had led her to this moment. She would not have her beliefs shaken at her darkest hour. When all else had failed her faith alone had always seen her through her worst trials. The hardships in her life had taught her that things happened for a reason even if the path was unclear.  

The Nightmare proved to be a fearsome beast. It whispered to each of them their deepest horrors. She knew it spoke to more than just her but she could barely focus as her own thoughts whirled within her head. It was trying to break her down and drag her into its hell. She resisted though and would not be made a prisoner inside her own mind. 

“Silly little girl. He will die for loving you. They will all die for loving you and their blood will stain your hands alone. Bastard child what were you thinking parading around as the Herald of Andraste? You are a fraud and he will turn from you when he finds out. He only wanted you for your power and now you are nothing.” She knew it was not true. The words were just fears but fears were not real. Cullen loved her and had proven so many times before they were even together. He was safe out there leading their troops to victory and she would see him again soon. No force in Thedas or beyond would take her friends from her without coming through her blade first. She would protect them all or die trying.

She might be a bastard child but she had always been one and she was going to wear it like a badge of honor. Her parents had loved her enough to take her in despite not being their own. Lena would not allow a demon to degrade her to nothing. Love and conviction would see her through but she had to focus.

“I will never let another die for me.” Her voice was a growl as she spoke to the hidden shadow. Rationalizing was helping her get through and she found her mind clearing. She found peace as she focused on Cullen. She could almost feel his curls beneath her fingers, smell his scent wrapped around her, and see his scar shift as his face contracted into one of his slight smiles. She heard him suck in a breath as she kissed him and his taste exploded on her tongue. That was what was waiting for her on the other side of that rift and she would stop at nothing to return.

Once her fear had abated, Lena looked around and saw everyone else struggling under the weight of what the monster spoke to them. Blackwall seemed to be having the worst time with his torture. His shoulders were slumped and his eyes hollow. Each step seemed to take all his effort. She grabbed his hand and began to sing in a soft voice. The singing seemed to drown out most of the beast’s torment for her as well as everyone else.

‘Are you, are you  
Coming to the tree?  
Where I told you to run,  
So we'd both be free.  
Strange things did happen here  
No stranger would it be  
If we met at midnight  
In the hanging tree....’

The words grew louder as she sang. She had not been thinking as she started and had picked the first song that had come into her head. It was an old rally cry of fighting against oppression and reminded that there were worse things than death. Oddly, it the Warden’s favorite and he had sat up many nights listening to her sing it around the fire. He had a strange fascination with the song and she hoped hearing it now would bring him back to them. His eyes finally met hers and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze as she continued her melody.

More demons and more memories came as they made their way along the path, this time of Lena and Most Holy in the Fade. The Divine had sacrificed herself and the Inquisitor would never forget that. The spirit before them showed its true form as they all realized that Most Holy had died that day. Skin melted into fire so bright and beautiful that it lifted all of Lena’s weariness. The apparition before them seemed to shine with the light of Andraste herself. She was so lost in her moment of Inner Peace that she almost didn’t hear Hawke and Stroud arguing again.

“Those were _Wardens_ holding her down for sacrifice. _Wardens_ raised a demon army that is attempting to destroy the Inquisition forces as we speak.” Hawke turned to Stroud and Lena almost groaned. There was no doubt that it had been Wardens assisting Corypheus to kill the Divine in the temple. Her love was also leading the Inquisition forces against a demon army raised by the Wardens back at Adamant. She and the others were currently stuck in this hell because of the Wardens. They would have a lot to answer for once she got out of here. Some things could not just be explained away but right now wasn’t the time for this.

“It wasn’t their fault Corypheus was controlling them. Yes they did terrible things but so have you Hawke. You practically destroyed Kirkwall and started the mage rebellion.” The tension between the two really wasn’t helping but maybe if Lena gave them a moment to work it out the fighting would end. If she didn’t let it go this time they would just continue and next time might be an even worse moment for it. They were all stressed and tired but they still had a long way to go.

“And how do you think that Corypheus gained control of those Wardens? They allowed themselves to be put under his power! Don’t you dare compare what happened at Kirkwall to what your people have done. I was protecting innocent mages not madmen drunk on blood magic. You just can’t imagine a world without the Order even if it is no longer needed.” Hawke stepped towards Stroud and Lena saw fire flash in his eyes. She silently prayed to the Maker that no fists flew between the two.

“So you are saying you want to get rid of the Wardens? Everyone makes mistakes but they would have died to save us.” Blackwall spoke in his soft voice and at first Lena had been hopeful that his words would end the debate. They only served to fan the flames though.

“And their mistake could quite possibly kill us all.” Solas’ matter of fact tone rang out over everyone. He looked imposing with his arms crossed over his chest watching the exchange before him.

“Just stop everyone. If and when we get out of here you can argue all you want. Our main focus now needs to be leaving this place.” Lena stepped between the angry men and they quieted as she spoke. She was glad for the momentary peace. She met each one of their eyes in turn and they all looked away after a brief moment. It would be clear who was in charge of this operation. They would have to trust and lean on her if they were to escape alive.

Their journey continued as they cut through the spiders and demons that met them. The insults from the Nightmare continued but everyone found them easier to cast off now. Stroud and Hawke even hurled abuses back at it and laughed when the monster gave a frustrated groan. It seemed their earlier fights were forgotten and they were again friends as they had been before. Lena had always admired the ability of men to forget and forgive so quickly. Women were much less merciful. 

Finally, they reached the heart of the demon’s layer. The massive spider stood before them and the spirit that had guided them used all of her power to attack it before disappearing in a burst of bright energy. They defeated the Terror before them and Lena felt her heart lift as they drew closer to the rift. They were going to make it out alive! She could almost laugh from the joy she felt as her feet pounded against the stone in a furious run. Everyone was behind her as they rushed for the exit but then the Nightmare placed itself between them and the rift. There was no way to get by and she knew there would be no defeating it within its own territory. They had been so close and now death stared them down.

“How do we get by?” Stroud was looking around the demon for any possibilities but none presented themselves. Lena unsheathed her broadsword. If she was going to die she was going to go down fighting.

“Go I will cover you.” Hawke spoke and Lena felt her heart skip a beat. She would not let him stay behind. If anyone was going to perish it was going to be her.

“No you were right the Wardens caused this mess a Warden must…” Now Stroud was volunteering to stay but Hawke cut him off before he could finish. This was just great earlier they couldn’t agree so they fought and now they were fighting because they agreed. Typical men.

“A Warden must help them rebuild. That’s your job. Corypheus is mine.” Both men were staring at each other and neither would back down. Varric had moved towards Hawke ready to plead with his friend. Lena know the dwarf would not leave without his comrade and that would be two deaths on her hands. Cass would never forgive her.

“Neither of you are staying. I will stay everyone else get out.” Lena began to stride toward the beast as she spoke. She had sworn no one would die for her and she meant it. Her eyes were on the demon before her but she could feel everyone’s shocked gaze on her. She was trying not to give them time to react.

“You know we cannot allow you to die Inquisitor. It will be my honor to stay. Varric, Hawke grab her and go!” Lena felt strong arms around her as Stroud’s voice echoed from behind. She kicked and cursed as she was drug off. Bile rose in her throat as Stroud rushed past her to the monster his sword hacking into it. Her weapon was still in her hand and she attempted to hit her companions with it so she could get free. Varric did something to her wrist that made her drop her broadsword and she continued screaming.

“Let me go! You cannot leave him here! I promised!” Tears were streaming down her face. Her whole body was shaking and she was jerking wildly. The last thing she saw before passing through the rift was Stroud fall to the ground. Her entire world shattered. The creature had been right. Stroud had died for her and it was her fault. How many more lives would be sacrificed for her this day?  How long until everyone she loved fell and she was all alone? How much more blood would be on her hands?

As they fell out of the Fade Lena realized she was more afraid now than she had ever been in the Nightmare’s lair. Faith and conviction had done nothing to stop Stroud’s death. Her fears had become her reality and anyone close to her would be doomed to the same fate. She knew now that they would all gladly die to see her live. The only thing separating her from Clarel was that she did not ask for their sacrifice but that sacrifice would happen all the same. Since when was her life more important than theirs’?

‘ _He will die for loving you. They will all die for loving you and their blood will stain your hands alone.’_ The voice replayed over and over in her head. It was true. She would be the cause of losing them all. Images of a bloody Cullen flashed in her mind surrounded by the corpses of Dorian and Bull. She could see a lifeless Cassandra cradled in Varric’s arms. Everyone she held close and her entire army dead around her and yet she lived. She would not let this be their fate even if she had to push ever one of them away.

Power coursed through her as she looked at the demons around her. Varric and Hawke released her and she felt empty inside, like the shell of what she had been. A deep well of pain threatened to swallow her whole. That hurt seemed to feed her power even stronger than ever before. The rift shut with a snap of her hand and the demons around her fell to the ground killed by her surge of energy. Soldiers cheered around her but she felt none of their joy.

Lena saw him then armor and fur that would always stand out from the men around him. He was barely controlling himself from running to her. His eyes met hers and he froze as she gave him a slight nod no. She was not sure if it was the gesture or the hollowness of her eyes that made him stop.

“I hate all of you and I will never forgive you for what happened in there.” Yelling wasn’t necessary. She knew they alone could hear her words and the acid that dripped in them as they hissed from her lips. Her friends tried to reach out to her but she shoved their hands away and avoided their gazes. Physical death in the Fade would have been preferable to what she faced now. Her heart still beat but there was nothing left in it but torment.

“Inquisitor the Archdemon flew off as soon as you disappeared. The Venatori Magister has been captured. Cullen thought you might want to deal with him yourself. As for the Wardens those who were not corrupted helped us fight.” One of Leliana’s agents approached her and spoke. Lena was glad for the momentary distraction and sneered as she thought of what she would do to Erimund.

“We stand ready to make up for Clarel’s tragic mistake…Wait where is Stroud?” A Warden is full armor approached her and pledged himself to her as so many before had done. At the mention of Stroud’s name she felt the tears threaten again. Her eyes were already red rimmed and she felt like she had nothing left. She saw Hawke cast his eyes down beside her a look of pain on his face. Good, he should feel something. If he would have let her stay Stroud would still be alive.

“Stroud died to save us all, to save me. He was a great man and deserved better than what happened to him. The Wardens who assisted Clarel should feel shame that they lived while so brave a man fell. I will honor his sacrifice as should everyone present.” Her eyes narrowed as she spoke and many of the Wardens shuffled uncomfortably. All of their faces held a deep shame. A small part of her knew what she said was wrong and that she should calm down before speaking more but she was lost is a sea of despair.

“Inquisitor we have no one left with significant rank. What do we do?” Lena wanted to tell them to leave. They did not deserve to join the Inquisition. It was probably safest to kill them after they had so easily been corrupted. Still she couldn’t not say it. She would remember Stroud by doing what he would have done.

“You stay and you do whatever you can to help. Stroud died for the ideals of the Wardens. In war, victory, and we are still at war. You are still vulnerable to Corypheus and possibly his Venatori. However, the safest place for me to keep an eye on all of you is at my side.” There were several looks of disapproval from her friends and soldiers. A part of her despised the Wardens for everything that had happened. Banishing them though would have probably sent them right back to Corypheus. She would avoid that if she could.

“Thank you your worship we will not fail you.” Lena nodded to the Warden before turning to walk away. She motioned for Cullen to join her as she cut a path to the outside of the fortress. There was a Magister to be killed and she was thoroughly going to enjoy it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically it's like this, I love this story. However, I am going to slow down a bit because so many chapters was leading to poor quality work and I like quality over quantity. Still plan to do about 2 chapters a week but things are a little crazy with the holidays.  
> By the way only the coolest people will know where Lena's song comes from (shout out to one of my favorite movie franchises).  
> Special thank you to Coffee_maker for a bit of editing and Artemis12 for all the wonderful comments. As always love my supporters and those who read my work and enjoy it. Questions comments and concerns will be always be answered.  
> I dedicate this chapter to all those who suffer from PTSD. Their pain is real. What Lena is going through at the end of this chapter is just a sample of what someone who has ever suffered a real trauma feels. Just felt the need to point that out for those who are unaware
> 
> Much Love
> 
> SS


	16. Poison Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did it all just for her  
> I did it all just for her  
> And love's heart is death  
> For me and my poison girl
> 
> Post Adament. Serious angst, a broken Cullen, and a depressed Quiz

 “Leave us.” Lena’s voice had been harsh as she approached Erimund outside the walls of Adament. The soldiers guarding the prisoner looked at Cullen their eyebrows raised in a question. He nodded and they quickly escaped the Inquisitor’s wrath. Lena’s mark cracked and sparks flew from it. Those beautiful green eyes were wild and he wanted more than anything to calm the storm inside her.

“Kill me Inquisitor glory awaits me on the other side. My Master will destroy you and everyone you hold dear.” The prisoner’s hands were bound but he managed to spit on the sands at Lena’s feet. That was when the first punch flew and connected with bone in a sickening crunch. She did not stop until she was screaming and a new coat of blood covered her armor. Cullen did not move to stop her. Erimund deserved this and he sensed she needed it. He had seen that hollow look before and he only prayed to the Maker that he could heal the wounds she carried inside.   

Fists finally stopped flying and the screaming quieted. Her shoulders slumped and he saw her start shaking. The sobs made him go to her and he pulled her into the protection of his arms and away from the dead Magister. She molded herself to him as if she was trying to climb inside him and hide forever. He whispered into her ear the few consoling things he could think of as she buried her face into his neck.

“I love you…I thought I lost you…I can’t live without you.” Cullen chanted those words to her over and over. Whatever had happened to her in the Fade had changed her but would never change his feelings or his love. He could not imagine the horrors she had faced but she was alive and to him that was all that matter. Anything else he could fix.

“Cullen…” Lena choked out his name and he tipped her chin up so she could meet his gaze. Though covered in the remnants of battle she was beautiful. Her eyes were red and slightly puffy from her tears but even that made her lovely. During the siege she had been a goddess of war, an untouchable force who struck her enemies down without mercy. Now though she was just Lena Trevelyan the woman he loved.

“Yes my only?” A slight smile escaped his lips and his eyes were soft as they took her in. Her earlier grief was now replaced with a grim determination and he was glad to see her returned to him. This was the woman he knew and he felt honored to hold her through her toughest moments.

“I’m sorry but we can’t do this anymore. **_I_ ** cannot do this anymore.” The Commander felt like all the air was sucked from his lungs. His mouth hung loosely open and he started to hyperventilate as she released him. A numbness spread over him and he knew he should be crying but nothing came. Finally he found his voice and he thanked the Maker it did not crack too much.

“You love me. Whatever happened we can get through it together.” His hands reached for her again but she stepped away from him. She wouldn’t even look at him and instead stared at the ground at her feet. This couldn’t really be happening to him.

“I’m sorry Commander.” With those last words she turned and started walking off into the desert. Cullen knew he should follow her but his legs had forgotten how to move. Lena whistled for her steed and he cursed the beast for being so faithful. He only stared as he watched her disappear into the sands.

It was several moments before the weight of everything that had just occurred hit him. Shock gave way to pain so deep he thought of laying down and never rising again. He fell to his knees as he hung his head in his hands. She had not even given him an explanation. Cullen had been so sure that Lena loved him but maybe he had been wrong again. Time simply ceased to be important and he had no idea how long he stayed like that until the guards found him.

“Commander? Where is her Worship?” Her Worship. Lena always hated that name. The memories of the first time he had called her that flashed in his mind. She had been so furious with him. He shook his head as he stopped himself from revisiting that time. He had to quit reminiscing if he was going to get up and look some sort of dignified.

“The Inquisitor needs some time alone.” It was the only explanation he gave as he stood and walked away from his spot in the sands. The soldiers parted to let him pass and he felt like the world was a blur. He carried out his duties post battle but Cullen was not inside the Commander standing there.

*********************

Cullen stood on the balcony of his room at Griffon Wing Keep. Rylen had invited him to drink and celebrate with the others but he found no interest in their pursuits. The events of earlier that day played in his head and he could not make them stop. Andraste preserve him but Lena was gone and he felt like everything inside him had been ripped out.

Sleep eluded him. His nights had been more peaceful since he had found Lena. The nightmares were gone when she was with him and even when she was away they came less frequently. Now though he could not close his eyes without seeing her face. Even when awake he hallucinated her. He heard her voice calling to him, felt her fingertips trailing over the skin of his chest. It was maddening but his withdrawals always were and this one was just getting started.

Sweat poured from him despite the fact that the desert night was cool and he only wore his breeches. He was shaking and even the darkness was too bright. His skin felt like tiny needles prickled across it. The sounds from the celebration below pounded in his ears and he felt like his head might split open. Still this pain was nothing compared to the hole he felt inside him.

Scouting parties had gone out but no one had seen her for hours. His Lena knew how to disappear when she wanted to and he doubted even Leliana could find her.

 _‘She’s not yours anymore.’_ He had been wondering when the voice would start. It had been absent for so long but it always returned with his withdrawals. It was so real he could hear it outside his head even though it spoke in his own speech. It was right she wasn’t his anymore. He only wish he knew why.

Cullen had read the reports from those who had been with her in the Fade and questioned them personally. He felt compassion for her after having to face such a demon but she had been so brave. Her actions made him proud especially once her memories had resurfaced. She held fast to her convictions and he was reminded of why he was still so in love with her.

He thanked the Maker that she had not been allowed to sacrifice herself. She had already given so much to this cause. He knew that had probably broken her though. Under her hard exterior and reckless nature Lena was soft and sweet. The burden of command fell heavy on her and she took it to close to her heart. That was only magnified when it was personal like what had happened in the Fade. He could only hope she returned eventually and he could talk to her. There was no point in continuing if he had to live his life without her.

******************************

Lena’s small fire crackled as she attempted to warm herself. Rigel had laid down beside her and she covered them both with a blanket. They were close to the only fresh source of water in the Western Approach and the sounds of the small stream were soothing to the tempest inside her.

“What am I going to do boy?” She petted the horse’s neck but he offered no reply. She gave a heavy sigh as she leaned against him. This plan hadn’t really been thought through. All she had known was that she needed to get away. Looking at Cullen as she broke his heart had been too much for her to bear. She knew she was a coward for running but she needed time to sort through and steel her resolve.

Lena loved Cullen with every fiber of her being, and that was exactly why they could not be together. He returned that love and she could not see him sacrifice himself to save her. If anyone survived this war she would make sure it was him.

The familiar constellations twinkled overhead and she looked to each of them in turn. The moon out here had always fascinated her. It was so large it seemed to swallow the whole sky. She let her thoughts just drift without form and sank into a peaceful harmony where there was no one and nothing. Eventually she had to return and face those lion eyes. For now though she would simply exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't felt so well the last few days and was going to wait a bit before writing another one. However this part kept replaying in my head so I wrote it out. Sorry it's short hope everyone enjoys
> 
> Much Love
> 
> SS


	17. All You Need is Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'First, I must tell you I've been the most unmitigated and comprehensive ass'-Charles Bingley
> 
>  
> 
> Our Inquisitor has been running around in the desert depressed and has abandoned our favorite Commander during his lyrium withdrawals. She needs him as much as he needs her but will she return? Hopefully our good friends in the Inner Circle can help out.

“She’s been gone three days.” Cassandra was pacing around the room as Varric watched her and listened. Every day without Lena made the Seeker more on edge and it was almost unbearable to be near her. He was the only one brave enough to stay with her any length of time. After his moments in the Fade he found himself barely able to leave her. He had been open with her about what had happened to all of them and she had been understanding when he needed to hold her for hours. Each night he found himself reaching for her comfort and she was always there. Sharing a bed had been unspoken between them and he was sure he would be unable to sleep if she left him. That first night she had insisted on staying and he couldn’t bring himself to make her go. That routine had repeated each night and he feared saying anything in case their nights of bliss came to an end. Even with their clothes on, sleeping in bed with Cass was the most intimate thing he had ever done with a woman. He swore to himself that soon he would tell her he loved her, though he was sure she had to know already.  

Varric leaned back in his chair and was writing a few chapters of a completely new book. The subject matter was being kept a secret even from Cass. She had attempted several times to read over his shoulder but so far the secret was safe. Writing was calming and helped him not focus on his own worry about his friend out there alone in the desert. The Inquisitor being gone had everyone stressed. People barely spoke to one another and Leliana’s agents were constantly coming and going from Griffon Wing Keep. Still there was no word of her.

Hawke being gone only added to Varric’s loneliness and fear. The demon had whispered as much about losing Hawke and it did about losing Cass. His friend had left shortly after the battle to warn the other Wardens of what had happened but the dwarf wished he would have stayed. He knew that Hawke was taking the loss of Stroud pretty hard as was everyone who had been in the Fade. Blackwall had been keeping himself busy by helping around the keep and with the destruction of Adamant. Everyone felt it best if the fortress was dismantled though it was already mostly destroyed from the battle. Solas was helping with the injured and making potions. Even for being an elf and disliking the Wardens, he still seemed to feel remorse for the death of a good man.

The last thing Lena had said was that she hated them. Varric hoped her time in the desert would make her see reason. They couldn’t let her stay in the Fade with the Nightmare and she should know that. At times he was angry with her. He wanted to scream at her that she was being a child. Other times though he felt pity for her and wished he could help her. The burden on her shoulders was heavy and he was surprised she had lasted this long without trying to run away.

“Cass please sit down you are making me tired just watching you. She will come back.” He called to the Seeker and patted a chair beside him. She did stop her movements though her eyes narrowed at him. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut.

“Well someone has to worry! You are sitting there like we are on holiday.” Varric sighed as he sat down his writing. She frustrated him beyond belief but he knew he would never get bored with her. He was as love with her irritation as he was with the sweetness that she showed only to him. He felt honored to be the keeper of her softness.

“You are worrying enough for both of us. I am just trying to stay busy.” The Seeker finally softened as she walked over to him. He patted his lap but she wrinkled her nose and shook her head. A naughty smile spread over her face and he reached to grab her but she dodged his movements. Cass was fast but so was he. She attempted to run from him but Varric sprang to his feet quickly and caught her wrist before spinning her into his arms. He held her tightly and started rubbing circles along her spine. Her muscles slowly relaxed under his touch and her eyes closed.

“You are entirely too stressed.” His voice was low and husky as he spoke and her lips parted as she let out a soft moan. Varric couldn’t help himself as he let his fingers slide under her shirt. He wanted to feel warm, bare skin under his fingers. Cass arched into his touch and her hands went to his hair. He realized they were both hanging by a thread and he slowed down his ministrations before something more serious was started.

“You cheat.” A soft smile was on her face as she ran her thumb along his bottom lip. He nipped her digit just hard enough to draw a soft hiss from the Seeker’s lips. Varric chuckled at her and she rolled her eyes as she released him. He would never tire of her and loved being the one who could pull her away from everything else. She was truly beautiful when she smiled and he wanted to see her face light up often. Her playful side was much preferable to her serious one though both were perfect in his eyes.

“Why Seeker I would never.” He feigned innocence which just made her laugh at him. Cass even snorted a little when she giggled and he had never heard such an adorable noise. She did it the worst when he tickled her but she had been on high alert recently and had been vigilant as she prevented him from torturing her.

“Have you checked on Curly recently?” The words seemed to have a sobering effect as Varric asked them. Her face went blank before turning to a look of sadness. He hated to ruin their moment but he was genuinely concerned for the Commander. Cass had told him all about the former Templar’s struggles with lyrium withdrawals. She had been hopeful that the dwarf could help but he knew nothing to stop the pain besides taking lyrium. He was also fairly convinced that a certain Inquisitor could help but that was another matter.

“He looks terrible. He asked if Lena had returned and when I said no he would no longer speak to me.” Cass’ words were heavy as she spoke and Varric took her hand. He stroked the back of it gently with his thumb to lend her some of his strength.

“I’m sorry Seeker. I know it’s tough for you to see him like that. I wish there was something we could do to help but without Lena I doubt we can.” It was times like these that he thought about kicking the Inquisitor’s ass when she returned, or at least yelling at her some. Not only was she hurting Cullen but everyone suffered with her absence. She was being selfish and he doubted that she even realized it.

“Luckily Curly is tough he will make it. Hopefully Peaches quits acting like a brat and they can make up. She isn’t the only one who lost Stroud. Many have lost someone they cared about in this war and she needs to quit making everything about her.” He and the others of the Inner Circle had followed when Lena and Cullen snuck away from Adamant after the battle. Varric had been slightly shocked at first but now things seemed to make perfect sense. He even apologized to Blackwall in a rare show of humility. Even without being able to hear their words, it hadn’t taken a genius to know what had happened when Lena had ridden away and left the Commander there alone. They saved him some embarrassment and left quickly before he knew they had been watching the entire exchange.

“I hope you are right Varric. I am not sure how much longer Cullen can hold on.” He held his Seeker close as they worried about both of their friends. Varric wished he could write them all a perfect happy ending but this wasn’t one of his stories and things were never that simple.

**************************************************

It was dark in Griffon Wing Keep as Lena snuck in silently. The moon had come and disappeared behind the sands and no one seemed to notice her. She stabled Rigel and debated on where to spend the rest of the evening. She was not yet ready to face everyone. Her time in the desert had done little to calm the confusion inside her and the hurt was still rough and raw. More than ever she wanted Cullen. When she was with him she felt peace and a clarity of mind that she found nowhere else. Since running from Adamant she just felt lost and had finally returned to the only place she had left to go.

“Hurt, torture, pain. He needs you. He calls your name but you don’t listen. You are hurting too lost, confused, crying. You can feel his calling can’t you? That is why you returned.” Lena drew her blade and nearly screamed as she turned around. Her heart pounded and her adrenaline rushed but then she noticed the outline of a certain Rogue in the shadows. Cole was perched on a stool in the corner of the stable and once again she felt slightly unnerved that he could see through her so clearly. She attempted to slow her breathing and pounding heart as she sheathed her blade.

“It’s not that simple Cole. This is the only way. It is safer if everyone stays away from me especially him. I can’t watch him die. I know I have to live because of this Mark but my life should not be more important than others! IT’S NOT FAIR!” Lena’s voice had started out soft but had grown in volume until she was shouting. Her body trembled and tears wetted her eyes. She had been sure she had nothing left to cry out but she had been wrong.

 _‘It’s not fair is it? How dare they treat you like a child? You deserve to have your voice heard. You are not their puppet.’_ That dark Voice in her mind had plagued her for days. Every time she grasped onto something other than despair it crept up to whisper to her. She felt like she was never alone and its presence was always there. A small part of her knew this voice was not true but every time it spoke it was stronger while she grew weaker.

“But he’s dying now.” Cole looked at the ground as he spoke in a whisper. Her breath froze in her throat and she felt real fear grip her. She knew Cole was incapable of deception. If he said something it was the truth even though her heart refused to believe it.

“Wh…what do you…mean?” The words were barely able to stammer past her lips. Her hand covered her mouth in horror and every bad situation ran through her head in seconds. What had happened to her love?

 _‘You are killing him Inquisitor. You failed him again like you have failed everyone else.’_ She shook her head as she attempted to focus on anything besides the words she was hearing. The voice had never been this insistent before. It had been dragging her down slowly but now it seemed intent on drowning her beneath its surface. She was trying to stay strong but she felt her grip on herself loosening every moment. There was nothing left to hold on to.

“He’s sick. It’s very cloudy in him and I can’t understand it. There’s something that he needs and without you he needs it more. I can feel the life leaving him. I want to help him but I don’t want him to die. He wants to die.” Lena cursed under her breath. She had heard of his lyrium withdrawals but had never seen him during one. He usually avoided the subject and her limited knowledge came from those she could trick into giving her information, which was mostly Cass. The Inquisitor respected him for wanting to quit but hated herself for letting him suffer so much without her. Her body ached to go to him but as soon as the longing started the Voice was there.

 _‘He is strong. He will make it through this. If you go back to him he will die. You will be the reason he dies.’_ Lena could barely keep from falling to the ground. She was being crushed under the weight of her own feelings and the Voice. A sob escaped her as she buried her face into her hands. She was convinced that she was going mad.

“I don’t know what to do Cole. If I give in and go to him then Corypheus will take him from me. Losing Stroud hurt but losing Cullen…even if he is alive and happy with someone else that would be better than dying because of me. He will forget me in time.” She hated the idea of Cullen with another. Her feelings fought against the idea and her heart physically ached inside her chest. Still, she would rather see him safe and happy than dead because of her. She had wanted to say more but the rest was lost in her tears as the sorrow cut off her ability to breathe.

“Will you forget him Lena? If you cannot forget him then he will not forget you. You are the Inquisitor and it’s not like that title comes with a long life expectancy. Despite that he wants to be with you. He is a soldier, the Inquisition’s Commander, and could die at any moment. If you do not kiss and make up and he dies anyway then you have wasted your time worrying instead of taking advantage of that fantastic specimen of a man. You need him don’t you? And I know that he needs you. I am ashamed that you would throw such an opportunity away.” Lena was really starting to worry about her skills. She had not heard Dorian approaching until he spoke. He had a slight smile on his face and she could not help herself as she jumped into his arms. Sometimes all a girl needed was a few friends to comfort her at her worst. He hugged her tightly and she put all the pain from the last few days into that embrace.

 _‘He doesn’t love you. You broke his heart and now he is finished with you.”_ The voice tried breaking through her happiness but she was ready for it this time. Her friends had given her the strength she needed to finally shed her bonds. She would no longer be a prisoner to a demon.

 _‘Shut up! I know who you are, Nightmare, and you will no longer control me. They all love me and I love them. You will hurt us no more.’_  When her brain finally registered Dorian’s words it was like all the darkness that plagued her had lifted from her mind. Nothing in life was guaranteed and she had let the Nightmare control her with terror. Any of them could die tomorrow and instead of hiding away she needed to be there strengthening the bonds between them and cherishing their fleeting moments. Her friends and Cullen would see her through when nothing else would and she needed them now more than ever. They were what she would hold to in her bleakest times and she clung to them now. Lena felt an invisible barrier slam down in her mind and for the first time since Adamant she felt silence. Never again would the demon’s whisperings hurt her.

“Honey, Dorian can’t breathe.” His voice cut through to her and Lena giggled as she released him. She had never felt so happy and free. He made a dramatic show of gasping for breath which only served to make her laugh more. It seemed like it had been forever since she smiled. She gave the Mage a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to Cole.

“Thank you both so much. I have been such an ass the last few days. I am so sorry.” They both seemed genuinely ecstatic at the lightness in her. She felt like she could breathe again as they both accepted her apology.

“I’m glad Bull’s snoring had me out for a late night walk. Someone had to bring you to your senses. Now go get your man before I accidently wonder in there.” Dorian winked at her and poor Cole just looked confused as he looked at them. Lena’s face turned serious as she thought of the task ahead. She prayed to the Maker that Cullen could forgive her after what she had done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I cheated I promise though next chapter will have all the Lena/Cullen fluffiness that you could want. Yay for the Quizzy growing up and not acting like she's 5 anymore


	18. Stay With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally some happiness after several dark chapters. Cullen and Lena are reunited and there is some hilarious fire-side banter. Also, maybe a new romance for our friends and so much fluff it might induce nausea. Tiny bit of smut just because I can.

Somewhere in the darkness Cullen lost track of time. The only reality he knew was the bed below him and the darkness behind his eyelids. There was a current lull in his violent tremors and he was trying to catch his breath before the withdrawals started again. He had drifted in and out of sleep but for the most part he felt suspended in a dreamlike hell.

At times Lena was there calling his name and running her hands through his hair. He could hear her soft giggle but every time he reached for her she was gone. His torment was never ending since she left. This sort of madness was only matched by his confinement in Ferelden.

“Maker please just take me now.” The only words that left his mouth now were prayers for a quick end. He was so intent on his chanting that he never heard his door swing quietly open.

“Cullen!” Lena’s voice gasped his name. His eyes opened slowly to see her outline across the room and she came into focus as she ran towards him. She leaned down on the bed and her hands frantically ran along his chest and jaw. He felt her breath on his cheek and her eyes looked terrified as she examined him. This was the most real one yet. When would the Maker end this?

“ **Go away. You are not _real_**.” Cullen’s words were hostile and he hissed them out through gritted teeth. His hands pushed at the illusion before him as he turned from her. His breathe caught though when it met with soft warm flesh instead of air.

“Cullen, oh my poor love it’s me. I’m real…I’m here…and I will never leave you again...” With each declaration she planted a kiss to each cheek before her mouth crashed into his. She tasted like the sweetest honey and he drank from her with an unrestrained desire. He had thought he would never again know what those lips felt like and he was greedy for all of her. She seemed more than content to give him everything he needed.

“L…Lena it’s really you.” He was breathless as he stammered her name. She rested her forehead against his as he wrapped his arms around her. Cullen was more like himself after tasting her kiss. He was still weak but he knew the fog of his mind was dissipating. He felt like he could not touch her too much or hold her close enough. She had really come back to him and he would never let her disappear again.

“I’m so sorry please forgive me. I’m such an idiot and I have hurt you. I don’t deserve you.” Tears shined at the corners of Lena’s eyes and he reached up to gently brush them away. His hands were still shaky but he could not stand to see her cry. She leaned into his touch and gave a contented sigh as her lips held a slight smile. He ran his thumb along her bottom lip wanting to remember this moment for the rest of his life.

“Shh…none of that matters. You are here now and I love you.” She kissed the inside of his wrist before her green eyes met his. A look of sadness passed her face and for a moment the fear that she would leave again gripped him.

“I wish you would be angry. I deserve it after all I put you through. Are you ok Cullen? Well what I mean is are you going to be ok?” Her eyes looked him over from head to toe as if she would see some great wound on him. These scars were internal though and left no outward mark. He did not want her to worry for him. His suffering had been great but he could endure if she was at his side. It would be foolish to go through another withdrawal without her there even if he was ashamed of his weakness. He needed her and was ready to share everything with her.

“I will be fine now that you are here. I hate that you saw me like this…” Lena put her finger to his lips before cutting him off. The feeling of her skin on his was heaven.

“What are you talking about I caused this!” Her face held such a pained look. Cullen hated that they were both suffering because of his past. This was exactly why he knew he had to break his lyrium leash.

“Lyrium caused this my Love. You are the only thing in my life that makes it worth living. I love you so much.” He pulled her into his arms as she laid down beside him. Her warmth felt incredible against his cold skin and he buried his face in her hair. He wanted to spend every night like this for the rest of his life.

“I couldn’t live without you. My time in the desert almost drove me mad. I needed you and I was stupid enough to think I could protect you by staying away. I love you more than anything in Thedas Cullen Rutherford.” The words were whispered against his skin and sent goosebumps over his body. Never before had another’s words meant so much to him.

“Even more than sweet rolls?” Cullen couldn’t help but tease her and a chuckle escaped his chest. Her eyes got wide and she huffed before pushing his shoulder playfully.

“Don’t push your luck Commander sweet rolls are amazing.” It was her turn to giggle before planting another kiss on his lips. She looked freer than she ever had before and her joy was only matched by his own.

Cullen had never been more thankful than he was that night. They talked and laughed and grew closer than he had known two people could grow. It taught him to hope as he had never hoped before. Once Corypheus was defeated there would be a future and Lena would be at its center.

*********************************

The journey back to Skyhold was the happiest yet. Cullen held her hand for most of the ride and they both spent much of their time smiling. Every night they shared a tent and basked in the love they had for each other. It only took only a short amount of time for everyone to be thoroughly sick of it. Lena did not care though, they could not dampen her spirits. It had only taken Cullen two days to recover after her return to Griffon Wing Keep. He was now whole and was rarely surly or cross. The change in the Commander was so drastic that even the soldiers gossiped. Something about the Inquisitor bewitching him or some mess. She tended to ignore the rumors and Cullen was as harsh on the troops as ever.

They were all sitting around the fire one night a few days after leaving the Western Approach. Lena was leaned against Cullen as he stretched himself out leisurely on the ground. One arm was wrapped gently around her as if everyone present did not know who she belonged to. The tension that he usually wore like his second set of armor was gone and Lena was glad for the relaxed man before her. The entire Inner Circle was present with her and she knew she was finally home. 

She couldn’t help but notice that Cass was leaning against Varric’s shoulder as they whispered together. They were further away from the fire and half in the shadows. Without openly staring, she kept an eye on them. She knew she and Cullen were not the only two sharing a tent in the camp but decided to let the Seeker and Dwarf enjoy a little peace. She was thrilled they had both finally accepted what was between them.

“So you and Commander Tight Ass huh?” Lena almost jumped out of her skin when the elf spoke. There has been a lull of silence and Sera had decided to break it the only way she knew how.

 “Sera!” If only Lena had something to throw at her, like a dagger. Yes a dagger would be perfect. She was so embarrassed and wish she could just crawl into a hole. Everyone’s eyes were on her now.

“What? Just saying liked Blackwall better.” The Inquisitor’s eyes shot to the Warden but he only shrugged. Cullen said nothing but his hand tightened possessively on her hip.

“This really isn’t appropriate right now.” Lena’s eyes were pleading with Sera but she ignored it.

“It _is_ nice to see him hanging out with us instead of brooding alone. If anyone needs a bit of fun it’s him. Maybe I will sew ‘Mr. Inquisitor’ into all of his shirts, or his smalls.” That first part may have actually been true but she didn’t need Sera’s blunt way of throwing things out there. The second part was ridiculous but scary because Lena knew the Elf really would do something like that. She would have to hide all of Cullen’s clothes from now on.

“I think what Sera is trying to say boss, is that it’s nice to have you both with us tonight.” Bull tried to interject and save the situation but Sera was behind him nodding her head no. Lena appreciated the Quanari trying but this was already disastrous. Thank the Maker Cullen was behind her and she could not see his face.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not at all what she means but thank you Bull.” Lena crossed her arms over her chest and did not try to hide her irritation. Cullen had not wanted to be around her friends for this very reason. It had taken her promising many dirty things to get him out of their tent this night.

“Well as long as you’re happy. Wait, you are happy right?” Sera tilted her head to the side as she questioned Lena. Great now she was being put on the spot and she hated that. Luckily this was an easy question to answer.

“Yes Sera never been happier.” She turned around then and saw Cullen grinning at her. She took that moment to lean down and brush her lips lightly over his. He sucked in a breath but tried to hide his surprise. She had never kissed him in front of the others before. She knew her lover wasn’t at ease with a lot of public affection but she couldn’t help herself. Plus he was so cute when she made him uncomfortable.

“Good because if you ever hurt her I will cut off your man bits!” Lena almost fell over from shock. Cullen was ahead of her though and caught her before she was humiliated further. Nothing ever went as she wanted it to.

“For Maker’s sake, Sera please just stop.” Lena tried to hold onto her aggravation before she completely lost her composure. She knew this was just Sera being Sera but it was still annoying.

“For once I agree with Sera if you hurt her we will all personally see you killed.” This time a calm even voice responded. So far everyone had mostly been watching the exchange but it seemed now was the time to throw out all their opinions and threats.

“Oh no Solas not you too.” Lena was exasperated. Cullen would never show his face again. She had wanted her friends and her lover to get along but it was impossible.

“Don’t worry I have no intentions of ever letting that happen.” Cullen roughly pulled her down and held her tightly against his chest as he made his promise. She squealed and playfully tried to push away from him but he wouldn’t let her go.  His lion eyes looked straight into her as if his words were for her and not everyone else. Her heart fluttered at the heat in his gaze and she found herself being lost in him once again.

“I bet he recites the Chant of Light in bed!” Sera screamed the last part over the sounds of the two lovers. Lena was going to get her when they got back to Skyhold. She already had lots of pranks planned to pull on the Elf.

“Uhh…this is exactly why we didn’t want to tell everyone.” Lena attempted to bury her face into Cullen’s neck and just disappear. Of course that never worked for her.

“You know, I will have to take that into consideration next time Sera.” She knew that voice but could not believe it just came from his mouth.

“Did you really just make a funny?” Since her return she was finding that Cullen was really quite witty. Who knew the stoic Commander could make her laugh in this way? There was a time that he tripped over his words whenever he spoke to the Inquisitor. Maybe loving her and having that love returned had given him confidence to be bold in more ways than just on the battlefield. She was happy to see that he still rubbed the back of his neck a lot when he spoke to her. She never wanted him to lose that slight awkwardness he had at times.  

“All of you disgust me all cuddled up together. You people from the south are too soft.” Dorian finally chimed in. He was currently sitting on a small stool reading some ancient Tevinter garbage. Bull was near him but the Mage acted like his lover did not even exist. For some reason that seriously rubbed Lena the wrong way.

“Awe Dorian why don’t you cuddle up to your boyfriend?” Bull sent her a wink and Dorian finally put his book down to glare at her.

“He is not my boyfriend.” Dorian looked horrified at Lena’s suggestion and she could have slapped him. Bull’s face slightly fell when his lover denied him. It was so subtle that none but her seemed to notice. She had learned to read the Quanari rather well though he would deny that fact to the grave. Ben-Hassrath were not supposed to have tells.

“So you are just giving it away for free then?” It was the Mage’s turn to flush crimson and Lena laughed out loud. The others snickered along and Dorian stood before storming off to his tent. Bull stood up to follow but not before mouthing ‘Thank you’ to Lena. She thought Bull would be angry for pissing off his lover but it would appear he prefer the Mage being furious. That was much too kinky for her to think of while she and Cullen were still fully clothed.  

The rest of the night was spent in relative peace. When she finally stood to head to bed with her hand in Cullen’s, she saw the Nightingale stand and make like she would follow Lena. Once they were away from the main group she sent Cullen on to their tent so she could speak with the other woman alone.

“I guess I owe you and Blackwall an apology, possibly even the Commander. I can’t believe the two of you were able to hide it so well for so long. I never even suspected.” Lena was impressed that she was able to hide something from the Spymaster. Usually nothing escaped Leliana’s gaze and she felt pride at having a secret that she was able to keep safe for so long.

“You know what that means Leliana? Blackwall is single and still very attractive.” Lena’s voice was a suggestive whisper and the Nightgale’s eyebrows raised. Lena nudged her as she cast a quick gaze back towards the fire. Whatever her friend had expected her to say, it certainly wasn’t this.

“I have a bad history with Warden’s. At the end of the Blight the Hero of Ferelden chose Alistair and had him crowned king so they could rule together. It’s a wonderful love story but it leaves out the people who were left behind.” Lena had never known that side of the story and sensed a sadness in Leliana as she cast her eyes down. The Inquisitor was not going to give up on this easily, but decided to take a different approach. The other woman was beautiful, smart, and would make a perfect match for Blackwall. There was no reason they couldn’t both be happy.

“I’m sorry about that Leliana. I don’t think Blackwall would ever hurt you. He is good and honorable to an extent that is rare to find in these days. He was the only one who knew Cullen and my secret and he told no one. Plus he’s sexy in the noble chevalier kind of way.” Lena was glad Cullen was not around to hear that last part. Leliana gave a short laugh at her words and the Inquisitor could see the wheels turning in her head. The Spymaster was hard to read at times but maybe she had planted a seed that would grow into something more.

“I will have to take your words into consideration. Good night Inquisitor.” They parted then as the other woman disappeared into the dark. Lena watched her go and hoped Leliana really did consider her proposal. There was a long road ahead and they would each need someone during the difficult future.

************************

Lena slipped quietly towards her tent and escaped inside. Cullen was already in their bedroll and she stripped before joining him. It was incredible to not have to hide anymore; well except having to keep the noise down at night but that was just out of courtesy.

Bare chest met her hands and he sighed as she snuggled closer to him. His kiss captured her and his tongue slipped inside her mouth with a fierceness that she craved. The hours slipped by until they had both completely exhausted the other. As his arms wrapped around her in a warm cocoon, she let her thoughts drift as sleep called to her.

Cullen had been an amazing lover before but since Adamant he was simply perfect. At times he was soft and gentle taking hours with her and making sure she was thoroughly sated. Some nights he was rough and demanded her to bend to him as he satisfied himself with her. He seemed to always know what she needed without her having to say anything.

Of course there were the times between. While the sex was mind blowing, there were moments that she would never trade away. Sometimes while riding beside him, she would catch him staring at her as if he never wanted to look away. His eyes held a desire that was soul deep and that need could only be filled by her. She would giggle and blush and he would grin and rub the back of his neck embarrassed at being caught.

Even though their love was no longer a secret, they still kept much hidden from all others. The light brushes of their hands as they looked over the map of Thedas, the winks behind their friends’ backs, and mouthing ‘I love you’ when no one else was looking were all irreplaceable in Lena’s mind. Her Commander was slowly warming up to being so open and she was glad that everyone now knew that only one man could make her feel whole. He would be her pillar to cling to, her haven when the world was crushing her, and in return she would be his asylum from his past and love him without judgement. Everything was so uncertain but the one thing she knew was that Cullen would always be there to hold her close and share her love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicated this Chapter to Artemis12 who has faithfully read and commented on almost every chapter I have written. She encourages me constantly and only Coffee_maker has helped me more with this journey. While I thank everyone who has followed me I wanted to give a special shout out to these two.  
> Also sweet rolls!!!!! Omg love Skyrim maybe even more than DA:I. Had to add that part in there  
> The holidays are going to be crazy. I will try to post as I can but I may slow down a bit. Please be patient with me we all know how stressful this time of year is.  
> Just an update the next few chapters will be Skyhold centered (Lena still has to pay Sera back) and then we head to Winter Palace! I'm letting my readers decide who gets to rule in the end so comment with your picks for the ruler/rulers of Orlais.  
> I had a lot of errors in this one when I re edited several times. I hope I have corrected them all. Again thank you all for the support
> 
> Much Love
> 
> SS


	19. Return to Skyhold: Episode 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes return to Skyhold for a few days of rest before heading to the Winter Palace. Part 1 of 2 (maybe 3)  
> Cullen is a horn dog.  
> Josie is out of the loop and embarrasses herself  
> Wait who is interested in Blackwall?  
> Solas and Varric as always are Solas and Varric and Cullen wants to kill them both

Lena flopped down in her bed in the most unceremonious way possible. She had never been so happy to return back to Skyhold after what had happened in the Western Approach. A small part of her was sad, though. The lighthearted times with her Commander had ended, and now it was back to business. Josie had already called a War Council and eagerly awaited her friends. The Ambassador had been the only one left behind and Lena suspected she was rather upset about spending so much time alone. She would have to make sure to spend extra time with the Antivan to soothe the hurt.

“Mmmm…this sight would only be better if you weren’t wearing anything.” She looked up from the bed to see Cullen standing in the doorway his hand resting on the pommel of his sword. The blush on her cheeks was deep as she realized her legs were spread wide and he was staring at the apex of her thighs.

“Why Commander you know we don’t have time for such things. There is way too much to attend to since our return.” Lena attempted her best Antivan accent which she failed at miserably. His laugh echoed off the walls as he walked across the room to her. He leaned down and caught her mouth in a kiss that proved he could care less about any other engagements. Her body automatically heated but she beat down her desire as best as she could.

“I think we could spare a few moments. I will make it quick I promise.” The words were growled against the shell of her ear before he lightly nipped the sensitive skin. A low moan escaped her but by the grace of the Maker she was able to gently push him away.

“Be patient, my dearest. Now that everyone knows you get to spend every night in my room. There will be plenty of time _later_ for whatever you want. I hate quickies anyways.” Lena winked at him as she ran her thumb along his bottom lip. His tongue shot out to gently tease her flesh as he ground his hardness against her wet core. Maker’s breathe that man could drive a woman to distraction.

Recently Cullen had been insatiable and Lena was amazed that any man could have that much stamina. She had created a monster and she smiled as she realized she rather liked it.

“Inquisitor!” The shocked voice of one of the Inquisition runners broke the haze between them. Did people seriously not knock anymore? Cullen snarled as the man stood in the doorway his face a mix of surprise and terror. The Commander stepped back and Lena couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her.

“Well you saw the show now what do you have to report?” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck as she spoke and Lena was sure he was only moments from throttling the man who interrupted them. Word would spread quickly through the fortress and she was sure the other soldiers would learn how foolish it was to deny the Commander his prize.

“Ambassador Montilyet sent me to collect you.” The man actually trembled as he avoided Cullen’s piercing stare. She could almost pity the man…almost.

Lena stood and took Cullen’s hand in her own. The touch of her skin on his seemed to calm him and release some of the tension he had. She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek before they headed off to their duties.

********************************

The War Council was long a tedious as always. Lena felt a slight headache beginning to form and she rubbed her temples as she tried to focus. After discussing the events of Adamant, Josie wanted to talk for a whole hour about the upcoming invitation to the Winter Palace. Personally, the Inquisitor thought nug dung would be a more interesting subject than this. She kept her mouth closed though, and nodded at the appropriate places. That was until the Ambassador absolutely lost her mind.

“So about your dress, Inquisitor.” Lena could tell from the glint in the woman’s eyes that she was not going to like this. Cullen stiffened beside her and she grabbed his arm in case she had to physically restrain him. That muscle in his jaw was twitching again and she had been on the receiving end of enough tirades to know what that meant.

“Josie while I appreciate the thought I don’t think a dress will be very appropriate. We need to present a united front and all wear the same formal attire of the Inquisition.” She was trying to be diplomatic while steering the Antivan away from her grand schemes. Lena did not want to draw any added attention to herself. If even one man attempted to touch her, she knew Cullen would end up in the prisons and it would to be even worse for negotiations when Lena marched down there and broke him out.

“But you would look so beautiful. The marriage proposals would flow in.” The Antivan looked confused and Lena knew she did not understand why no one else thought her plan was a good idea. Cullen’s arm muscles flexed under her hand and she stroked his skin lightly in an attempt to soothe him.

“She is not a piece of meat, Josephine.” Cullen almost hissed the words and the muscle in his jaw was jumping at an alarming rate. It was just too soon for him. He had been so close to losing her and now the Ambassador was trying to marry her off for the highest bidder.

“Cullen…” Lena called his name softly as she stepped in front of him. She needed to get through to him now for the safety of everyone in the room. Gold met green and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He was panting heavily but his eyes closed as he leaned his forehead against hers. His skin burned hot and she ran her fingers through his hair. That always seemed to relax him best.

“Yours, only yours remember.” The words were chanted in a quiet voice and Lena wished desperately that they could be alone at this moment. Cullen’s anger did seem to be dissipating but she knew it could flare again at any moment.

“ _Mine_.” He rumbled that single phrase from deep in his chest and Lena felt her knees get weak. She had serious issues if seeing him this mad turned her on. There was something too sexy about how possessive he was towards her.

She heard a slight gasp from behind her and she knew it belong to Josie. Cullen was finally composed enough that she could turn and see the shocked look on the other woman’s face. For once it seemed the Ambassador was out of the loop when it came to the gossip mill.

“I’m sorry, Inquisitor, I had no idea.” She flushed deeply but a small smile played on her lips. Josie was a little too pleased looking and Lena wondered if there wasn’t more to her expression. She would file that fact away for later.

“Then it is settled we will all wear formal attire. I think we can retire from this meeting now.” Leliana saved the day as always. Lena released her lover and sent him out with promises to meet him later. He made sure to look directly at Josie as his mouth caught hers in a quick kiss. To say his stare was feral would be an understatement. The Spymaster was not far behind him and Lena was left alone with her Antivan friend.

“Come Josie I think it is time we had a chat.” Lena tried to keep her voice even but she was exhausted after what had just taken place. To the other woman’s credit, she only politely nodded as she followed Lena from the War Room. Maker’s balls her headache was really killing her.

*****************************

Lena explained, in as much detail as she was comfortable with, the events that had taken place between her and Cullen. For once Josie mostly listened as they stood on the balcony of her study. She asked a few questions but interrupted as little as possible.

Once the story was complete, Lena saw that same satisfied look on her friend’s face. She knew Josie was happy for her and Cullen but something tugged in her gut and told her there was more.

“So Blackwall…” She let the question hang in the air and the Inquisitor finally registered why she was so cheerful that Lena had chosen Cullen. Oh this was bad, really bad.

“There was never anything there, Josie. It was a misunderstanding. Why do you ask?” She played innocent though her heart thundered in her ears.

“Oh no reason.” Josie tried to dismiss it but Lena knew that tone of voice. She had used it one too many times when inquiring about Cullen before they were together. This could prove to be serious trouble after her suggestion to Leliana about the Warden. Why did her plans always blow up in her face? This would be a Conclave level explosion if both women decided to fight for him. 

“Don’t lie to me, Josie. We both know I can see through it.” Her voice held a warning and the other woman sighed as she stared out towards the mountains surrounding Skyhold.

“He’s just so ruggedly handsome. He’s noble and gentle and chivalrous and…oh Lena I wouldn’t dare touch him while I thought he was yours. Now there are _possibilities_ though.” Yep this was bad. Josie got more and more excited as she spoke about Blackwall and the Inquisitor could tell her friend was already half in love with the Warden.

 _‘Maker damn me why? Why did I have to say anything?’_ Lena rubbed her temples even harder and the pain in her head felt like it might rend her in two. There was only so much stress one woman could take.

“You don’t mind do you?” Now the Ambassador was asking her permission? Oh this would be laughable if it wasn’t so disastrous. She wasn’t even sure Blackwall was over her yet.

“You have my blessings.” The words left her mouth before she could think. Besides who was she to stop Josie from exploring the potential of a romance? Leliana had only said she would think about it but no promises had been made. Maker’s breath she was going to have to pray extra hard for the next few weeks.

“Oh thank you Lena. THANK YOU!” The Antivan practically shouted as she caught Lena in her arms and gave her a hug that was surprisingly strong. Her headache had now reached epic proportions and she dismissed herself before she was dragged into any more discussions. She practically ran to her room and the comfort of her bed. Her thoughts needed a rest and she would attempt to sort them out later. 

******************************************

It was official, Lena was dying. She had tried to sleep but couldn’t and the pain was only gaining in intensity. The shadows in her room were long and she knew it was late. A groan escaped her as she rolled over and began to get out of bed. She had tossed and turned long enough, and she left her room in disarray as she made her way to the stairs. There was only one person in Skyhold who could help her in this current state.

She made as little noise as possible as she hurried to Solas’ study. Every sound sent a stabbing pain into her head, and she was so dizzy that the floor moved beneath her feet. Thank the Maker for the rail on the stairs. She softly opened the door to his quarters and found the Elf standing at his desk perusing some papers.

“Inquisitor, to what do I owe the honor?” He was formal and polite as ever, though his face did hold some surprise at her visit. Lena made her way to him and his expression changed to one of worry. He sensed that there was something wrong as she staggered.

“I don’t feel well Solas. I have a terrible headache and need your help.” She pleaded with him as she gripped him desk to steady herself. Her eyes closed in an attempt to stop the room for spinning.

“Come lay down. I will see if I can help you.” Solas’ hand on her back was gentle as he led her to one of the couches in his room. She smiled as she noted that this one was her favorite. Many hours had been spent sleeping on it as she walked with him in the Fade. He had even painted a mural of Haven above it just for her.

“Thank you so much Solas you are a true friend.” Lena stretched herself out and he busied himself around the room. She was so lucky to have him to care for her, and he was vital to the Inquisition. This journey would not have been the same without him by her side.

After several minutes he returned with a potion that smelled slightly sweet, and looked like dark red wine. Her stomach churned a little but she accepted the drink gladly. She had complete faith that he had found a way to make her feel better. Thankfully the mixture didn’t have a bad taste and she wouldn’t have to worry about retching on his floor.

“Rest now Inquisitor. This should help you sleep as well as help with the pain.” His voice was soothing and Lena already felt her eyelids getting heavy. She sighed as he pulled a blanket around her and she drifted off into peace.

******************************************

Cullen made his way up the stairs to Lena’s room. He was tired and stressed after the earlier War Council and subsequent duties. His withdrawals were tugging at him more than usual today and he needed his love to help him cope. The beast inside him had been demanding her since he left her earlier with Josephine. Damn that Ambassador. He could only hope Lena set her straight on things.

He opened the door to her room and was confused at not seeing her there. She had promised to be waiting for him, but a swift search of her room proved that she was gone. The condition of her quarters had him even more worried. Sheets were on the floor, and her bed looked like someone had been rolling around in it. Pillows were thrown everywhere and Cullen fought down the jealousy that threaten to rise. He knew for certain her bed didn’t look like that earlier today.

“Calm down Cullen. Something probably called her away.” He spoke aloud as he attempted to ease his nerves. His hand ran through his hair several times before he was able to still himself. Trust was hard for him, but she had never lied to him before.

 _‘Not that you know of.’_ Andraste preserve him the voice had started again. He had not realized that his withdrawal had reached this level yet. He needed to find Lena and fast before he lost himself to the madness.

His steps were hurried as he made his way to the main hall. Varric was in his usual place by the fire, and Cullen was sure he would know where Lena went. Normally, the Dwarf’s strict observations on the movements of those around him was annoying, but this time the Commander would use it to his advantage.

“Varric have you seen the Inquisitor?” Cullen tried to keep the strain out of his voice. His hands shook a little as he spoke and his armor already felt too hot. A light sheen of sweat was on his skin and he hoped it would go unnoticed.

“What’s wrong Lover Boy? Did you scare her off?” Varric laughed and Cullen’s eyes flashed dangerously. It took all of his restraint not the grab the Dwarf by his neck and give him a good shake.

“I don’t have time for games. Did you see her or not?” Cullen did not attempt to hide his irritation which only amused Varric further. A wide grin split his face and the Commander cursed his idea of asking him. It would have been better to interrogate the chair.

“Alright Curly, I saw her go into Solas’ rotunda a few hours ago. She hasn’t come back through, so I guess she’s still there.” He didn’t even bother thanking the Dwarf as he made his way through the door. What in the Maker’s name possessed her to go here?

Cullen marched into the room and saw his love sleeping on a couch. Solas was in a chair close to her reading a book silently. He looked up at the Commander and pressed a finger to his lips. He then made a motion for them to both step outside. Cullen reluctantly followed, but cast one last look at Lena before closing the door. The cool night air met him and calmed some of the tension he was feeling.

“I had a feeling you would be along soon.” Solas’ voice was even as he spoke but there was a slight hint of something that Cullen couldn’t quite pin down. It felt almost like anger, but maybe it was just his own emotions spilling in.

“Why is she…?” The Mage cut him off before he could finish speaking.

“She was in pain. The Inquisitor came to me asking for help which I provided. She walks in the Fade even as we speak.” The words were forced and Cullen ground his teeth. He would gladly push Solas off the wall if he was lying. There was more going on than the Elf was letting on.

“If that is true then thank you for your help. I will take her back to _our_ room now.” The acid in his voice was clear. Solas’ turned and his eyes narrowed as he met Cullen’s intensity.

“You don’t deserve her, Commander. It would appear she prefers brawn over brains though.” There was a touch of sadness to the Mage’s words, and he casted his gaze down as he spoke. This was just great another who wanted to steal Lena away. Cullen had to stop himself from groaning out loud.

“I’m guessing you think you would make a better choice?” It would only take one good shove and the Elf would fall. The Commander would say he just slipped. Lena would be upset though, and he would not hurt her further. He had never trusted Solas. While Cullen wasn’t the same man he had once been in Kirkwall, he still didn’t like apostates. Mages without control were dangerous.

“I’m flattered that you see me as a threat, but no I have even less to offer her than you do.” Cullen turned around and headed back inside before he did something drastic. He would just have to let the underhanded insult slide for now.

He gently gathered Lena in his arms before heading towards their room. She never once moved as he cradled her body close to him. A smile played on her lips and the feeling of her skin on his had his withdrawal vanishing. He kissed her forehead and thanked the Maker that she was his and only his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I really didn't think I was going here but well I did. Always good when random writing turns out for the better.  
> I wanted to emphasize how close Solas and Lena are and how much she trusts him. It makes the betrayal all the more devastating. (I wish Cullen would have pushed him)  
> Gah I love Varric and Josie they both make me lol so hard.  
> I swear his time at Adamant has made the Commander even more possessive. I think I'm sick for finding that so hot.  
> At least one maybe two more chapters hanging out at Skyhold before we take off. Need to replay Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts a few more times.  
> As always special thanks to everyone who has supported me through this journey. Also if you want more Cullen love check out my short drabbles  
> Much love
> 
> SS


	20. Return to Skyhold: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric wants to talk about Stroud's death, and Lena isn't exactly happy about it.  
> Josie and Leliana bump into each other while heading to see a certain Warden  
> Lena gets revenge on Sera, but was it worth it  
> And a final hoorah in the Herald's Rest before heading to the Winter Palace

Sunlight beamed through the windows of her room causing Lena to give an exasperated groan as she buried her head under her pillow. She sat up with a start as she realized that this wasn’t where she last fell asleep. Memories flooded her of the night before in Solas’ rotunda and the pounding headache that was now absent.

“I guess my Commander came for me.” That thought made her giddy as she noticed the sheets ruffled beside her. His masculine scent hung on her skin, and she was disappointed that he always insisted on rising so early.

The Inquisitor finally rolled out of bed and began dressing for her day. It was much later than she usually allowed herself to sleep, but she felt better than she had in ages. Solas’ concoction had really done the trick. She would have to thank him for the help.

“Peaches.” A soft knock came at her door, and Varric’s voice was recognizable behind the wood. She finished pulling her shirt over her head quickly and looked in the mirror to ensure she was presentable. Tongues liked to wag in Skyhold, and the last thing any of them needed were rumors of her and Varric spreading through the barracks. Cass would kill her if she thought Lena was poaching.

“Come in, Shaggy.” She sat down at her desk as the door creaked open. The dwarf entered cautiously, and his eyes swept the room before he would fully enter.

“He’s not here.” Varric let out the breath he had been holding as Lena reassured him Cullen was gone. He was smart to be wary of the Commander in her chambers. Now she was just left to wonder what _he_ was doing there.

“Good. It’s too early in the day to come across Curly. He was in a foul mood last night when you disappeared.” Lena’s eyebrows raised as the Dwarf mentioned the events of the previous evening. The thought that Cullen would worry had never crossed her mind. She owed him an apology.

“What happened last night, Shaggy?” Her voice was kept even though her heartbeat thrummed in her ears. Cullen was fierce when angry, and anger was his way of hiding his fear of losing her.

“He stormed down to the Main Hall and demanded to know if I had seen you. I may have teased him a bit much, but I did finally tell him you were in Chuckles’ room. I’m not sure what happened in there but when he came back out he was carrying you and looked ready to murder someone.” Varric had joined her on the other side of the room and taken a seat in front of her desk. She sighed heavily as she rubbed her temples. At this rate her headache would soon return.

“I wasn’t feeling well yesterday and went to see Solas. I….well I forgot to let the Commander know where I was going.” Lena’s face flushed crimson as she admitted her mistake. This relationship business was tough. She had to remember that she wasn’t the only one involved in the situation.  

“Well, that explains why he was so huffy. You have to be careful, Peaches, if you are taming a man like Curly. I’ve known him for years and time hasn’t always been kind to him. You can do what you want, but he’s a little unbalanced and that requires special handling.” Varric was only trying to be helpful, and Lena had to remind herself of that fact. She couldn’t help but bristle at his comments about Cullen though. Even if it was true, she didn’t like anyone calling her love ‘unbalanced.’

“Thank you for the concern, but I would prefer to handle my own problems. Unless, of course, you would like to discuss a certain Seeker…” The dwarf blanched as she referenced Cass. Two could play this game, and Lena knew Varric would drop the subject once the tables were turned on him.

“Point taken, Peaches. Honestly that wasn’t why I came up here anyways.”

She cocked her head to the side in a questioning look. Her eyebrows knitted together as she racked her brain for what else he could be wanting to discuss.

“Go on.” The words were cautiously spoken, and Varric squirmed in his seat looking slightly distressed. His normal calm manner was replaced with uneasiness that gave Lena a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“About what happened at Adamant, in the Fade…” He let the words hang between them, and she inwardly groaned. No one had yet to broach the subject of Stroud’s death, and the nightmares were only now becoming bearable.

“I forgive you and Hawke for what you did,” the sigh was heavy as she spoke the words he needed to hear. “I know why I couldn’t stay, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. I would prefer not to discuss it any further.”

“So just act like it never happened?” His voice held uncertainty but she shook her head no.

“How about everyone just let me grieve in my own way? I will never forget Stroud’s sacrifice, but it taught me life is too short. I have people that I love and that love me in return. I don’t want to waste that on staying cross.”

Varric scratched his chin for a moment before nodding in agreeance. Lena was grateful for his understanding. The ache was now dull in her chest, but she didn’t need to be constantly reminded of the horrors they had all endured.

“Thanks, Shaggy.” A slight smile crossed her lips as she stood from her chair. Josie was probably going mad from her absence in the war room. The Inquisitor really needed to get a move on with her daily duties.

“Any time, Peaches.” The dwarf patted her on the shoulder in a reassuring gesture as both exited her room.

***********************************

Leliana had been considering Lena’s words carefully since that night. She had quietly observed the Warden from the shadows since their return to Skyhold. There was something about him that caused her to continue sneaking into the lofts to spy on his movements.  

He was a kind, gentle man from what she had gathered. No one had anything but glowing remarks about his behavior, and he mostly kept to himself in the stables. As the spymaster for the Inquisition, she rarely got to do her own recognizance. Getting her hands dirty like this reminded her of the intriguing rush that caused her to fall in love with the Game.

Her footsteps were silent on the stone as she exited through the kitchens. The daily War Council was over, and she grinned to herself as she remembered the way Lena drug the Commander from the chamber. She was elated for both of them. No one had suspected the pairing, but it fit them. Now if only she could sort her own confused feelings.

Blackwall was handsome to be sure. He wasn’t a statue cast out of marble, but a real man flesh and blood. Leliana didn’t want a hero, she had enough of those to last several lifetimes. Her heart’s desire was someone honest, someone who would not judge her for the work she did. She traded in secrets, secrets that she often could not reveal to anyone else. Her lover would need to be accepting and understanding, qualities that were often difficult to find in Thedas.

His status at a Warden had kept her away at first. After her heartbreak from the Hero of Ferelden, she had mostly avoided the Order. She knew not all were alike, but she didn’t need her humiliation constantly staring her down. Blackwall was different. Not defined by his title, but rather living his life as a shining example of what justice and righteousness were meant to be. Lena was right, he was perfect.

Leliana had been so lost in her thoughts that she almost bumped into Josie as she stepped out into the courtyard.

“Sorry, Leli.” They exchanged polite nods before continuing on their paths. It didn’t take long for her to realize that the Ambassador was heading in the same direction.

“Josie, where are you going on this fine day?” She tried to keep her tone even, though worry settled in her mind. Perhaps her friend had some business with Master Dennet, or maybe she needed to talk to Blackwall on business? She reassured herself that it wasn’t that strange for them to share their destination. This was just a minor set-back.

“Oh….you know…” The Antivan shifted uncomfortably as Leliana watched her from the corner of her eye. The move was so slight that most would not have noticed, but she had known Josie long enough to sense her subtle tells. Something in the uneasiness of her friend’s voice made the Nightingale feel queasy. They had shared much together over the years, and Josie was not usually one for keeping secrets.

“Come now. You know you can hide nothing from me.”

“Well, I was actually going to see Warden Blackwall.” Leliana felt the words prick along her skin like shards of glass. She recognize that look on the Ambassador’s face.

“In the market for a new man I see?” Cold steel slipped into the Spymaster’s voice. Josie had always been the caramel skinned goddess who could win anyone over and take them to bed before throwing them away. Years of losing lovers to her friend had made Leliana wary. She was determined not to be deprived of Blackwall. Unlike the Antivan, he meant more to her than just a vague roll in the sheets.   

Josie stopped in her steps to regard Leliana, her eyes widened slightly as realization dawned for a second on her face. She collected herself quickly and a sneer contorted on her pretty lips.

“Perhaps. Any reason that would interest you?”

Leliana schooled herself into a blank stare. Her muscles quivered from the effort of remaining calm.

_That bitch. She knows I want him too. She has played the Game long enough to discern what my intentions are._  

“Don’t play coy with me, _dear_ Josie.” She linked her arm with the other woman’s and patted it reassuringly before they continued walking. Her smile was strained, but she kept her composure as she calculated her next move.

“It would appear we are at an impasse _, sweet_ Leli.” The Ambassador returned the chilly remark with one of her own.

“What should we do about our particular _predicament_?” There was no point in denying the situation. They both wanted Blackwall, and hopefully they could reach an agreement that didn’t involve knifes and hidden plots. Leliana had never killed someone over a man before, though it wasn’t something she would shy from if needed.

“Do you remember the Celebration of Roses?” Josie’s face lit up as she recalled the memory. A slight giggle escaped her, and the Spymaster bristled at the recollection. She could never forget that night.

“I assume you are referring to the Dowager? She was beautiful wasn’t she?” That event had occurred years previous when their friendship was still young. Their quarrel over the attentions of the powerful matron had almost caused an open war in Orlais, and Leliana was left on the losing end. They had not spoken for months after that.  

“There’s no need for us to fight again, Leli. We could always share.” Josie lip turned upward at the suggestion in a wicked smile. Leliana had to admit it was a delicious idea, and one that gave her the opportunity to outwit the Antivan if the need arose.  

“Any ground rules then?” For this to work they would need an understanding between them. There was also the worry of Blackwall not accepting the idea. He didn’t seem the type of man who had ever shared before. If he rejected their advances, then Leliana would ensure that she was the chosen one.

“The basics will suffice, I think. No anger if he choose only one, and, _of course,_ no sabotaging each other’s chance.” The veiled threat fell from Josie’s mouth, but Leliana let it go for now. Later she could lay her schemes, but for now time was short and she had a purpose to attend to.

“Then it’s settled. I get today though.” Leliana’s laugh was cruel as she stepped away from her friend. They had arrived at the stables, and Josie growled with indignation as the Spymaster disappeared into the Warden’s outpost.

_She knows I never play fair._

*************************

The Inquisitor snuck away from the Commander’s office after their post meeting romp. She had to redo the buttons of her shirt several times, and he was still inside trying to get his hair back into perfect formation. This had become their daily routine, and she had to admit she was quite pleased with the arrangement.

This afternoon was special, and it had been necessary to cut her time with Cullen short. She had plans to exact revenge on a certain psychotic elf for embarrassing her during the journey back from Adamant.

_This will be too much fun._ She giggled as she stalked towards the Herald’s Rest. Her next movements would need to be executed with care for things to work. An accomplice would be required, and there was only one person she could trust to assist her.

“Scout Harding.” Lena called the soldier’s name as she approached the tavern’s entrance.

“Your worship.” Harding nodded politely and Lena tried not to cringe at the name she hated most. She had to play nice this time.

“I need your assistance with a certain matter. I can explain as we get the supplies.” The best thing about the dwarf was that she never asked questions. She was loyal, and Lena knew she had made the right choice in selecting her.

**************************

Sera was stretched across the couch as she took her customary afternoon nap. Lena had been studying her movements for the past few days, and was delighted to see everything was going according to plan.

She motioned Harding closer as her hands wrapped around two of the objects in the scout’s arms. She crept into the room silently, and placed the devices on the floor near the Elf. She snuck back to the door before grabbing the third jar that Harding carried.

“Thanks Lace. Now go outside with the others.” The whisper was barely audible, and her companion nodded her understanding before departing. They had already cleared the Herald’s Rest of occupants. Everyone waited outside to see Sera finally get payback for all the pranks she had pulled around Skyhold.

“1...2...3!” Lena had ensured that Harding made it out safely before she hurled the Jar of Bees into the room. She slammed the door shut before sprinting wildly towards the stairs. A hysterical laugh escaped her as screams met her ears. Two more explosions sounded, and Lena knew the other bombs had been set off.

She was panting and red faced as she made it outside to the crowd of curious smiles that greeted her. A slight fear worked up her spine as she realized the enormity of what she had done. There would be retaliation for her actions, and a prank war was sure to follow. She had just pissed off the biggest trickster to ever inhabit Thedas. Maker have mercy, this would be glorious.  

***********************************

The Commander reached their room and paused as he noticed a note attached to the door. It had been a good day for once, but worry creased his brow as he took the paper in his hand.

_My love,_

_Varric drug me down to the tavern for a night out with the boys. Promise to be back soon._

_Love,_

_Lena_

The parchment crumpled in his hand as he threw it to the floor. That meddling dwarf! How dare he steal the Inquisitor from him? They got so few moments alone, and he had already missed out on last night due to her illness.

_Well, she did say it was a boys’ night, and I certain qualify._ Cullen grinned to himself as he stalked down to the Herald’s Rest. She could have her night out, but there was nothing stopping him from joining her.

Bodies were strewn on the grass in the courtyard as he arrived. Loud singing rang out, and the smell of alcohol and sweat hung in the air. He spied Lena sitting on the ground swinging a mug wildly as she leaned against one of the benches. Her back was too him, and he kept quiet as he approached her.

_It would appear this party is well underway._ Cullen chose to observe several feet from the main group. He still felt awkward around Lena’s friends, and he rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to decide the best way to make an entrance.

“That was shite and you know it, absolute SHITE!” Sera was screaming curses and an empty bottle flew at Lena. The Inquisitor dodged it easily with a drunken giggle, and Cullen growled. He was the only one allowed to throw things at his love.

“Come on, Sera. It’s not that bad.” The dim light from the tavern showed welts covering the Rogue’s face. Reports had reached him of Lena’s earlier prank, and while he was flattered that she tried to preserve his honor, he thought her absolutely mad.

“Not that bad?! Maybe I should stick an arrow up your arse? Really…that wouldn’t be bad. Inquisitor arrow arse, has a nice ring to it.”

“I had a healing potion waiting when you got outside. The worst of the blisters are gone so quit being a sissy.” Lena took another swig from her mug and coughed several times before continuing. “You have to admit it was funny.”

Cullen inwardly groaned as Lena only dug herself deeper. He really should step in, but he didn’t know how to save his love from her drunken rambling.

“Bloody bitch-balls! You are going to get it…right? You and Commander tight arse. Haha both arses.” Sera’s words had the Inquisitor sitting up straighter as the color drained from her face.

“Now, S-Sera. This is between us, not Cullen. No reason to get him involved.” She stammered as she spoke, and Cullen could see how tense her shoulders were. He needed to stop being a twit and do something before things deteriorated further.

“What am I getting involved in?” He strutted forward with his hand on his sword. The air of confidence he exuded was deceiving, and truly he was terrified of what Sera might fling at him.

“You threw an earwig on me! Nasty things with their…pinchy butts. I mean really. Why bugs with scissor arses? I’m really about arses tonight. I mean yours is nice, except when you throw bees.” Sera pointed an accusing finger at his love and he had to stifle his laugh. People were staring at them, and he needed to look in control.

Lena opened her mouth to speak, but Cullen quickly grabbed her braid and gave it a hard tug. Her eyes narrowed as she looked up at him. His face was hard stone as he shook his head no. She huffed and crossed her arms but stayed silent.  

“Right then. Off to plot your end, yeah? Nice evening and all.” The Rogue disappeared into the darkness and Cullen let out the breath he had been holding.

“Well, looks like I have gotten myself into another wonderful mess.” Lena slammed her mug down and brown liquid sloshed out onto the grass. Cullen took a seat on the bench and began to rub the back of her neck in comforting circles.

“It could be worse. I’m not sure how but…well that’s not the point.” His love leaned back into his touch as he spoke. Her features relaxed as he continued his ministrations.

“Let’s get out of here, Cullen. This piss Bull calls drink is playing with my mind. I can see two of you and I swear to the Maker that is a sight too sexy for one woman.” A chuckle escaped him as he leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead. She sighed contentedly, her eyes closing as a look of bliss crossed her face.

“Whatever my lady demands.” He stood before pulling her to her feet. Lena fell against his chest and rested her head in the crook of his neck.

“I love you, Commander.” Her breath tickled his neck and he smiled as he cradled her to him.

“I love you too, Inquisitor.” Cullen led her away from the wild party to a chorus of catcalls and whistles. A deep blush crept up her cheeks as she ducked her head, and his arm wound possessively around her shoulders. She was his, and he didn’t give a damn if the whole keep saw it.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long the holidays have been crazy and I keep getting distracted by plot bunnies and one shots. Thank you to everyone who has left comments and Kudos I always enjoy it.  
> Am I the only one who loves Scout Harding? She should have been a romance option!!!  
> Poor Blackwall I almost, and I mean _almost_ , feel sorry for him.  
> Lena sure pissed of the wrong psychotic elf. This is going to be epic.  
> Merry Christmas everyone
> 
> Much Love
> 
> SS


	21. Return to Skyhold: Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena receives a letter and falls apart. Cullen, as always, is there for her.  
> Also some Cass/Varric love for everyone.

It was the day before they left for the Winter Palace. Lena really wasn’t looking forward to the journey, but at least Cullen would be with her this time. 

She sighed heavily as she leaned back in her chair. The reports were a mountain on her desk, and she was trying to sort through them before their departure. There was always more work to be done.

“Inquisitor…” A soft Antivan accent called her name as the door slowly opened. Josephine entered cautiously, and Lena noticed that she clutched something in her hand. 

“Josie, I wasn’t expecting you.” She stood as the other woman approached. Lena couldn’t help but notice how the Ambassador’s eyes shifted around the room. She looked down right uncomfortable. “Is something wrong?” she asked. 

“I-I have a letter for you. I’m sorry, Inquisitor. All the letters addressed to you come to me first. The number of marriage proposals you get is preposterous.” She waved her hand in the air absently before continuing with a serious tone. “I should have known there was something different about this one though. It’s from your family.” Josie’s voice had grown quiet as she finished speaking. She held the parchment out, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. 

Lena was drowning. Fear and anxiety fought inside her as she took the paper from the Ambassador’s outstretched hand. It had been years since she ran away from home. She had hoped her family thought her dead, but it appeared her status as Inquisitor had led to them finally finding her. 

“Thank you.” Her voice cracked despite her efforts. Josie only nodded as she quickly exited the room. Whatever was written had been meant for Lena’s eyes only, and the Antivan was clearly embarrassed by the private affairs she had read. 

The Inquisitor’s hands shook as she unfurled the note. She recognized the steady writing immediately. It belonging to her father. 

 

_ Lena, _

 

_ Your mother and I are overjoyed at finding you alive. We have been searching for so long, and now you are no longer lost to us. I wish I could chide you for your behavior. The entire family was grief stricken when you disappeared. However, we are all too happy now to stay angry with you. _

_ Your brother’s have married during your absence. They have children of their own, and all are doing well. They miss you terribly. Your mother and I miss you as well.  _

_ I hear the wildest stories about you and your...Inquisition. They say you are Andraste’s Herald, that you fell from the sky and bear her mark. They also say you ride dragon’s naked, so I take the rumors with a grain of salt. If this letter finds you though, then I assume at least some of the gossip is true. Your mother would like to add that you need to keep your clothes on so you don’t get burned.  _

_ Please write to us, my dearest daughter. It would make us all feel better to hear from you.  _

_ Also, I know why you left. You need not be afraid. I understand why you did it. The sweet Lady Lavellan still cares for Richard, and I want you to know he is doing well despite his current state.  _

_ I love you, Lena. We all do. _

 

She couldn’t stop the tears from falling. So many years running, and still they forgave her. Maker’s breath, she didn't deserve such love from them. Now, she hoped she could make things right. 

*****

Cullen had just finished his morning exercises with the troops. Everything needed to be in order before leaving. He wasn’t thrilled about heading into what Lena called ‘the Orlesian hell’, but he had to be there for her. As their departure drew closer, she became even more agitated. He had tried to still her anxiety, but even he could not soothe her completely. 

The door shut behind him as he entered his former quarters. He now spent his nights with her, but he still used the office for his official duties. Occasionally, she also liked to sneak in and relive old memories. He was amazed that his desk had not broken yet. There was also that hole in his roof that she was so fond of teasing him about...

A slight smile on his face as he lost himself in thoughts of her. He was caught off guard when a slight popping noise came from his left. His hand went to his sword, but he calmed as he recognized the intruder. 

“Cole! What in the Maker’s name…”

“Pain. Hurt. Crying. You have to help her. Something’s wrong. Broken waves on a broken shore.” The Rogue looked up at Cullen through the brim of his hat, and the Commander felt fear grip his heart. There was no mistaking who Cole was speaking of. 

“Where is she?” Grim determination took hold as he was spurred into action. If Lena needed him, then there wasn’t a moment to lose. 

“In her room. I wanted to help, but she turned me away.” Cole looked sad, his eyes cast down at the floor. 

“Thank you.” The Commander was already moving. He still wasn’t sure that Cole wasn’t a demon, but if he helped Lena, then Cullen could appreciate that.

He hurried across the courtyard and up to the Main Hall. The fire blazing in his eyes had people moving swiftly out of his way. It was best for them not to hinder his quest for the Inquisitor. 

Cullen took the stairs to her room two at a time, his boots echoing off the walls loudly. When the door flew open, he scanned the room. He let out a ragged breath as he spotted her on the balcony. 

Lena was sitting on the ground, her back to the railing. She was clutching something in her hand, a letter maybe. Her eyes were bright and red-rimmed, but she looked physically unharmed. Thank the Maker she was alright.

Her gaze snapped up as he approached her. Her beautiful green eyes met him, and he flinched from the pain he saw in her. 

“My love…” he called softly as he kneeled before her. She looked down at the parchment in her grip before staring off into the distance.

“I guess it’s ironic,” she said, her voice shaking. Cullen just listened as she continued. “I wanted to flee again. I thought about taking Rigel and getting far away from here. I have spent most of my life running, but I don’t want to do that anymore.”

His hand came to rest on her cheek. Raw fear gripped him at her words. He couldn’t live without her. What had happened after Adamant almost killed him, and he could not endure that again.

“Please, talk to me. What in the Maker’s name is going on?” 

She simply handed him the letter, and realization dawned on him as he quickly read the words.      

“Lena, I’m-” Sorry? Somehow that didn't quite seem appropriate. She rarely spoke about her family, and he was unsure what her feelings were regarding the letter from her father. He thought he might have understood though. A similar pain often came to him when Mia wrote. 

“It's ok. I'm ok.” She was clearly anything but. However, he would not push her further. He couldn't chance her running again. 

Cullen sat beside her, pulling her into his arms. She leaned her head against his chest, sighing deeply as some of her tension eased. 

“Thank you.” The words were whispered against his neck. He traced small circles over her back with his fingers, attempting to calm her worry. 

“I will always be here for you. You know that, right?” She simply nodded to his question, and that was the only answer he needed. 

*****

_ The Seeker turned to the Rogue after the battle ended. They had survived, and she was overjoyed to see his smiling face from across the field of war.  _

Cassandra sat at her usual spot in the training yard. The new story Varric had written was in her hand, and she was focusing on it with rapt attention. He said it was special: for her eyes only. He gave it to her that morning, and she had not hesitated to read it to the end.

_ A smile lit his features as he made his way to her. She was exhausted, her body worn from wielding her sword and shield, yet she waited with baited breath for the man she could not live without.  _

_ “I love you.” He whispered the word as a gentle hand caressed her cheek. She sighed into his touch, her weariness forgotten under his admission. He loved her, and nothing else mattered. _

“Andraste preserve me…” Cassandra’s hand flew to her mouth as she read the last lines. The book fell to the ground as she jumped to her feet. She had to see Varric immediately. 

Her steps were hurried as she made her way to the Main Hall. Her heart pounded and a heated blush crept over her skin. Had those last lines been meant for her?

When she reached the Main Hall, she spotted him and Krem playing a game of Wicked Grace. Varric looked up to her, and he noted her reddened cheeks and burning eyes. He quietly excused himself from the game before making his way to her. 

“Cassandra.” He drawled out her name, his eyes taking her in with appreciation. She wasn’t sure what to say, but finally the words found her.

“ _ You! _ I read what you wrote!” A scowl was on her face. 

“Perhaps we need to take a walk?” He gestured outside as several curious glances were thrown their way. There was no reason for them to make a scene. 

Cassandra stomped ahead of Varric and the dwarf wracked his brain for what to say. He thought she would appreciate his gesture. He was trying to tell her he loved her in a romantic way. Why was she always such a damn hard woman to understand? 

She led him to the stables, and he was thankful to find the space empty. Blackwall must have been somewhere with one of his ladies. Maker wasn’t that an interesting turn of events? Varric tried to focus on his own problems though as the Seeker turned to him. 

“Now Cassandra, before you get upset…” He held his hands up defensively. Things had been going so well between them. He had wanted to tell her about his love as soon as they left Adamant, but he hadn’t wanted to ruin the peaceful nights she spent in his arms. 

“I am not upset, Varric.” The words were practically spat at him.  _ Women, can’t live with them can’t live without them, _ he thought.

“Then I assume you don’t feel the same way.” His voice fell and he cast his eyes to the ground. A part of his heart broke, a cold chill shivered across his skin. 

“I…” Cassandra paused as she looked at the defeated dwarf. Something inside her softened. She had never thought of it before. Did she not love him? Had she not spent every night with him, giving him the comfort he sought? Maker’s breath, she was the comfort he needed, and she craved him just as much. “I’m sorry, Varric-” 

“It’s ok. I understand,  _ Seeker _ .” The use of her title made her flinch. She needed to explain.

“Varric, you misunderstand. I do. I mean...why is this so hard?” A frustrated groan left her as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. This was not going well. 

“You do?” There was hope in his question as he stepped closer to her. His fingertips brushed her arm as her beautiful eyes met his. 

“Yes Varric, I do.” A smile touched her lips as she leaned down to him. Her breath caught as their lips met, warmth seeping deep into her. Maybe this could be her chance at the romance she had always craved.  

“I love you, Seeker.” He breathed out the words. Strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her close to him. He caressed her tenderly, calloused hands turning to silk. 

Cassandra had never felt so happy as when he kissed her again. She returned his passion, hands running up his chest before coming to rest around his shoulders. Her skin burned more with every touch. “And I love you, Varric.”

He looked up to her, burning with need. She knew he would find the same look reflected in her own features. His hands became more insistent, kisses rougher with every one. She was panting when she finally broke their connection.

“Varric, we have to stop.”  _ Though Maker knows I don’t want to.  _

He nodded to her before stepping away. A shaky hand ran through his hair. He needed some distance between them or he would ravage her now. 

“Come to bed early tonight. I will be waiting for you.” He shot her a wink as she blushed deeply. She may have been inexperienced, but she understood what he was inviting her to. 

Cassandra leaned against one of the beams in the stable as she watched him walk away. Tonight could not come soon enough.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I disappeared for a month but I have now refocused and am ready to complete my work here.  
> Also this is the last Skyhold chapter before the Winter Palace. I reread HIRH and figured out I left some things undone so I brought them back around.  
> I would like to apologize again to my faithful readers. I promise the ride isn't over yet.
> 
> Much love,
> 
> SS


End file.
